After reading all the support that Lost has (wichi is beyond wonderful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

I was wondering how many of the WS had good solid support systems when it came to the affair??

Someone who would do what they could to lead you/spouse back to the right path?

I was thinking back to my affair and realized that the only support I had was to continue the affair or leave my H for the MM. My family was pushing for the mm and did what ever they could to be on his side. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

My h's A was for 11 years.
Tylor was born in year 5. Jami (OW) called my MIL when Tylor was a baby and told her about them.
My MIL accepted them into her home and her life.

I feel like my MIL enabled them. She knew about the A 5 yrs before I did and never said a word.
She divorced my H's father because she caught him cheating on her. She knows first hand the pain of this type of betrayal and did nothing.
She didnt have to tell me herself but she could have given my H an ulimatum (SP) either he tells me or she does.
I know that I will never feel the same way about her that I once did.
To me she is just as guilty as my H she knew what was going on and said/did nothing about it, actually helped them to keep it hidden.

We bought our first and only home, it was my dream home. I didnt want to buy it because I thought it was out of our reach. Her and my H did some searching and found a way for us to buy it, and afford the payments.
2 yrs later, D-day. Come to find out my MIL had been sending Jami child support so I wouldnt find out about them. MY MIL had to have a liver transplant and so could no longer send the money. Jami then took my H to court for legal child support. The judge said every penny that my MIL sent her was not CS it was a gift because thats what grandparents do. so not only did my H have to start paying current support himself but back child support as well. Needless to say we lost our home, we had to file bancruptcy and lost everything. ALL BECAUSE people couldnt be honest with me.
MY MIL and my H knew about Tylor new he should have been supported (and he was) but they should have done it legally to protect everyone. So now
there is 6 of us living in this 1000 square ft house. Half of my stuff is in storage. We have had to start completly over. I was an assistant manager of a video rental store. I had worked my a$$ off for years. I feel like I did it for nothing. Me and my children got punished for choices others made.

I am sorry. I guess this is the one thing in all of this mess I am bitter about.
Dont know if I will ever forgive my H for this.

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: Tylorsstepmom ]</small>

(((Lori)))

So sorry you had to go through all of that.

I know my H still resents my family for wanting me to leave him. H isn't the greatest of husbands, but could be a helluva lot worse.

I to resent my family for sticking by MM side, even after I ended and went into NC.

I know what you mean.
My 23 yr old son got married last year. They are expecting their 1st child in June.

I told him on his wedding day that I dont care what his wife does it will never be a reason for him to cheat on her and that if I ever find out that he has cheated on her I will personally cut his (*&^ off and that will be the end of that.

Hopefully he will learn from this. I sure hope so.

My parents are both deceased. They were both crazy about my H. The stuck up for him at times when I thought they should have stuck up for me.
I think if they had been alive my dad would have taken my H for a good old country walk.

Hopefully some day you guys can forgive them. I know it is sooooo hard. Easier said than done.

Lori

We had some 'support' but no guidance.

My parents were supportive in the fact that I told them they HAD to accept my decision, whatever it would be & I did NOT want to talk about it w/ them again. They were just like, ok.

H family.......I don't think he told them upfront why we separated & he was now living on their couch. Oh yah! he must have told his dad @ some point because his dad responded w/ some sage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> advice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> : Deny, deny, deny, unless she catches you in bed w/ the OW, DENY!

My best friend @ the time was supportive by letting son & I live w/ her family while we were separated. But she had NO advise or guidance for me/us either. Her H basically said 'he saw it coming'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

We were being 'counseled' by our pastor, who's W had just left him for OM! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It was weak, nothing substantial.

Other 'friends' were just excited to have some juicy news to spread! Oh & 'spread it' they did. It was like salt on the wound....just keep pouring it on! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

MY best friend from high school (whom I'm still friends w/) lived out of state & wanted me to come up w/ her to 'get away' but H was too afraid she'd 'talk me into' never coming back so he FORBID me to go! Which is stupid I know but we were trying to work on things so I didn't want to risk it @ the time.

Of course noone else hardly spoke to me @ all. Probably felt it was 'contagious'.

It was a mess, wish I would have had some place like this too!

Of course, now most of my friendships have recovered but not to the point they were pre-A, I keep my distance to those old 'friends' but I've made plenty of new ones.

xoxoxxoxo
kt

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 07:45 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

My husbands family found out about A and oc about 6/7 months before I found out. It hurt because I felt like they didn't do anythung to stop situation. In fact after discovery MIL told ow that since it was out she felt they( as in OW and H) should be together. Things were never great between inlaws and I. I had actually worked really hard to reframe my thinking while H was deployed so that I could better get along w/ in laws and really embrace and love them as family. All the BS they talked at times seems like a crock nopw because I dont feel like they treated me that way. I feel they should have siad something or made sure H said something BEFORE we moved overseas. Nevertheless that was not our fate. They did tell him to disclose but when he didn'tr they didn't really do anything either. I'm not sure what type of support other than that H received. I'm sure he could have used a suppoert system. In fact I'm sure one would look pretty great right about now too.

CM~

As a FWW, my only support has been this board, and the few ladies from this board I email with. I shouldn't say "only", because both have been a Godsend, and I appreciate the support more than I can say. Just making the point, I have absolutely nobody in my life outside of this board to talk to, (well except of course my H).

Seriously thinking about going to IC though, because I cannot approach my friends with it, and it's getting more and more difficult to be quiet about it and do it on my own.

Good question CM! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Autumn Day, I would consider the IC it can be really helpful, ecspecially if you stick w/ it. I know you don't have many outlets and that could help.

AD

I know how you feel. My so called best friend when confiding in her, she egged me on. In fact tried to set me up with other men. Needless to say I am no longer friends with her.

I really don't have family to talk with, most run to Xmm and tell him what is going on in my life and the ones who don't, who I thought I could trust, ran and told others.

I had IC last year, unfortuantly she thought I was doing better and ended it. I need to find a new one.

I love having this place to talk about my feelings, but I do feel like I don't belong here due to being the WS, but then I am also a BS

Wife~ Thank you for the words of encouragement. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I really think I'm going to look into it.

CM~ I'd love to tell my BF, she is a dear and trustworthy friend. Made promise to H though, not to reveal anything to anyone. He has said though, he understands my need to talk to *someone*. He's suggested Pastor, and I'm considering it.

And CM, I know what you mean. I feel the same, BUT there is a place for us here too. Justuss even said so! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think it's important for us to contribute, and try to lend a hand whenever possible. It's also very good when someone lends us a hand too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We can choose to think we belong off on the island of mis-fit toys, or we can choose to be a useful member right here.

~ad

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was wondering how many of the WS had good solid support systems when it came to the affair??
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had nuttin' till I found MB. Seriously. I thought I was the only one in the OC sitch.

If you need me, AD, I am always a phone call away....

You were one of those I could lean on for sage advice when I first came here.

Hey kimmy, you young bride you!...you're a peach, you know that?

Email me anytime, aut_day@yahoo.com

I'll just praise Flukeboy and his family one more time here. I honestly don't know where'd I'd be without his help. Last summer when the A first happened, he kind of gave me the cold shoulder over the whole thing. Not to be cruel, but in a "I can't relate to anything you're doing or saying" way.

Since the relapse, he's been amazing. Never approving of my fog-vision and fence-sitting, but there for me, offering patient advice and unconditional love. It really helped what he was saying to get through to me. Then of course his challenge to come to MB and spend two hours just reading the forums, and almost "daring" me to post... I can't begin to express how helpful it has been to hear straight talk and to learn about the process surrounding everything that I've done. To feel like no matter what happens in my M, I'm now able to understand so much more about myself and my stupid decisions, and most importantly how to live differently and what boundaries I will need in my life in any future relationship.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I thought I was the only one in the OC sitch </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was speachless when I found out how common it was.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was speachless when I found out how common it was.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know. And words aren't big enough to describe the feelings of relief to learn I was no longer alone.

- Kimmy

Lost, so Flukeboy was NOT a MB friend-- he was a "real life" friend who introduced you to MB?

I had no support for a good while. It is like slow torture! I told no one who loved and cared for me like I needed-- only H's family knew (and knew they DID-- ALL 40 BILLION of them including cousins, etc....) They totally abandonded me during our separation and I still have a semi-grudge still. (they loved me like a daughte-- yet HELLO remember me? LOL)

AND THEN.. I found SI and then it led me here! I was OVERWHELMED with the people.. the similarities.. the pure VOLUME of people who were in the same boat and willing to share and help!

These boards are a miracle to us at times, arent they? People think "aaah an internet board" when really... it can be out sole support system and our strength !!! Was for me!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I cracked up at one point and my parents were called over to "intervene" so to speak they were SHOCKED that I kept this all to my wittle self for a whole year. My one "Best Friend" who happen to have her 3 kids at my house WHEN I FOUND OUT.... had to come pick them up and I told her in the heat of the moment. HUGE mistake, though, because she is a big mouth and I know she's spread the word. I dont talk to her anymore for other reasons, though.