My husband had an affair about 7 or 8 months ago. I found out after the afair had ended, it lasted about 2months, well the other woman is now saying that she is 6 or 7 months pregnant with his child, I don't know how to react to this or how to handle the fact that I will most likely be dealing with this woman for the rest of my life. I love my husband and want to stay in this marriage, I am open for any help.

LA

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. This is a great site, you will find much support here. We all share similar experiences here and will be very understanding of your situation and feelings.

The best advice I can offer is to go through this entire site very carefully, read as much as you can. There is a book entitled "Surviving an Affair" that has helped many of us here deal with the emotional issues that develop in light of infidelity. It should be available at your local library.

I would encourage you to involve your husband with this site, if he's willing. A very important part of recovery is opening up the lines of communication in your marriage, there are many quizzes and excercises on this site that may be useful to you both, perhaps they will give you a better understanding of what issues in your marriage my have helped instigate the affair.

Good luck, and remember you are always welcome here, we will support you (and your H) in any way we can.

Big Hugs,
AVNL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Welcome, LA- as it is said over and over.. "to the club that no one wants to join"

However, read all over this place- pull up interesting posts, read the publications here, etc. It is amazing to find a place like this where you are not a "freak".. you are the "norm". The info and the advice and 24/7 support is invaluable to you to find -- especially this soon after discovery oc ---- damage control and plans of action are unbelievably helpful in this situation!!

Can you tell us a little about the following:

Are you sure the A is over, and has there been NO CONTACT with OW aside from the news of pregnancy?

How has your H been adhering to NO CONTACT?

Is your H committed to your marriage and rebuilding your family? Has he been an open book, remorseful and kind to your in an effort to recover?

And very importantly-- does H want contact with the child if it is his, or not?

What is most important even before the OC issues-- what I was told and what was valuable for me to know is:

You do not have to decide ANYTHING or have any contact with OW until PATERNITY is positive through DNA testing.

You do not have to decide ANYTHING until you feel you have faced the A, itself, and the issues surrounding that. You need to work with H and your family first to even entertain the notion that you can have successful contact with the child to come---- otherwise it could destroy the chances of you rebuilding your marriage. You need to start with what is most important and that is your marriage, FIRST.

Also, how are you feeling about all of this so far? Do you have the desire to save your marriage in SPITE of the OC coming to light? Do you think you have the strength it takes to endure a life w/OW in it due to OC?

When I started this journey and came here broken in pieces-- the most valuable information I received was my H, myself and my children must come first--- and that I was not a horrid person for knowing that I could not and was not willing to spend my life in pain and mysery with OC in my face to remind me forever. If I could do it for an innocent child's sake-- I would. However, my children and myself are innocent also and you just KNOW when you cannot endure any more.

Its like a gamble with contact. Yes OC would have a father in her life, but most likely that would be in exchange for my childrens' home crumbling and my marriage too.

You have a lot of decisions to make, but first decision should be to keep your head up and know that this will not kill you. This is something that millions deal with (unbeknowns to the average person)... and they all survived.

Take care of YOU--- do only what you can do, and do not sacrifice your own health, sanity and marriage for the the OC and OW...

((welcome hug)))

Gio

<small>[ March 09, 2005, 11:25 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

LA,

Gio is so much better at the informative welcome than I! She knows all the right questions to ask and has offered her sound advice to many of us in times of darkness (including me!).

You can also attach a signature to your posts giving a brief description of your situation, or your favorite quote, or links, or anything else you'd like by editing your user profile. This has been very useful for me, it keeps me from having to repeat the same details over and over again.

You will make many friends here.....

((LA))

AVNL

Thanks AV ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You made me feel so good!

Funny thing is, I usually leave the welcoming to others cause they are so good at it, but our regular "welcomers" are not around. I didnt want her to think she was being ignored LOL!

Bumping up Welcome to Marriage Builders for you. Read all you can. So very sorry you have to be here.

Should have been Welcome to the Preg/Child Forum. It's at the top now.

Yes, I am sure that the affair is over, and my husband has had no contact with the OW until she called him to tell him about the baby. I am commited to my marriage inspite of the OC, the baby is innocent and didn't ask to be born, he or she cannot help the circumstance that produced her or him and every child deserves to know his or her father, my husband is an excellent father to our children. Yes he has been remorseful and yes he wants to make our marriage work. He has been depressed and angry at himself for all the hurt he has caused. And yes if the OC proves to be his, we will want to be apart of the childs life.

OK that is a good start.

NOW, focus on doing as much healing & rebuilding of your marraige as possible UNTIL DNA is proven. COntiue in NC w/ OW UNTIL DNA is proven.

There is NO reason to have ANY communication w/ OW UNTIL DNA is proven. Find yourselves a GOOD attorney.

WE usually tell ladies to see if their state allows for a legal separation because MANY states offer the largest CS award to whoever files for CS first. So if OW files first, she gets the largest CS portion & you & your kids will only get a % of the left overs. Familiarize yourself w/ CS laws.

It is VERY important that NC is maintained until DNA is proven. ANy financial support given to OW will be considered a 'gift'. There have been numerous cases here where an OW claimed an OC was the MM & DNA proved it to be UNTRUE. There is ALWAYS that possiblity.

Your job now is to do whatever possible to protect you & yours. NONE else will look after them but YOU. Your first obligation is YOUR kids.

Yes, we ALL agree that OC IS innocent-so are YOUR children & YOU.

We support whatever decision YOU & H make together regarding how to handle the OC existance.

We are HERE for YOU.

Don't forget to breathe.

Hugs,
kt

Hi i'm pretty much in the same situation, mybhusband had been cheating on me foe years and it became so hard to deal with that i told him i wanted out if he couldn't commit to me that was last year but 3 years ago he goes away to a family funeral and has another affair and now he says that there is a 1&1/2 year old child. i had hoped that we would have been able to work things out some how but with this i can't bear the constant reminder seeing himnis a reminder enough. he doesn't seem willing to take a paternity test he just took her word for it, maybe he wants for it to be his is that possoble. how do you forgive something like that?