I have been reading this board for 10 months or more now and have only posted once -- that was the day about 2 weeks ago that OC was actually born. I was at an all time low and could see no hope for a happy future with my H now that OW had OC. Well, I am writing to say today I am a different woman. Alot of it has to do with the awesome way my H handled things -- he did not go to the birth or even have contact w/OW when OC was born, all of his actions showed me that he was more concerned about me (and our 3 kids who know nothing of OW/OC at this time -- they are young and when or if we decide C for all of us then we will explain to the extent to which they can understand) than anyone else, and he completely let me decide when or if C could be made. At first (as I stated in my previous post) I wanted NOTHING to do with OC -- would rather pretend he didn't exsist. I can't explain it (other than it was a God thing) but in two weeks time I felt ready to make a step and the two of us go visit OC. We went to the OW's apartment for our visit(we live in a different state now so we couldn't have him come to us). Of course it was akward with OW there too but I did it. I was able to walk in with my H, take turns with him holding the baby, and even chitchat with the OW. It was the most freeing experience I have had since this whole ordeal began. I can see now that I can have a realtionship with OC who now really feels like a stepson instead of an OC. I am confident that although OW will be in our lives because she is baby's mother she no longer poses a threat to my marriage - my H has worked and continues to work to prove that the A is completely over, it was a huge mistake and that he never intends to jeopardize our relationship and our family again. Of course we have measures in place -- all CS/ visitation arrangements have been made through a lawyer and have proper legal documentation, H will not see or pick up OC without me or someone he and I agree on present -- just to safeguard against any situation that could rekindle an old flame. Our paternity test results won't be in until the end of the week -- we are only expecting a verification of H as father but again as I learned on this board paternity tests and using a lawyer are musts in this situations.

I just want to encourage those of you enduring the OW pregancy right now -- it can be a miserable, hopeless, lonely time. But I can say to you today -- it really can be better again one day. Believe it or not when OC has arrived and you and H can agree on C or NC (which has to be a very personal choice the two of you have to agree on) you can feel free to once again live your life without spending every moment thinking about OW and OC. Hang in there -- it will get better. I am living proof.

Beth

Beth, that's cool. Thanks for sharing and (((((((Beth)))))) cyberhugs cuz i know it isn't easy.

J

Beth, I hope you don't mind but I sent a copy of your post to my H. That was dead on the best explanation of what I was/am looking for him to be with me and our children.

Very happy for you!

Beth,

Thanks for sharing - encouragement is always needed.

Faithful - I'm glad you could use my post with your H. Hope it helped him understand what you are seeking.

Beth