</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Originally posted by noodle:
Lemmonman,

My advice to you, is to stay the hell away from the pregnancy/OC boards.

I avoid them like the plague..the entire notion of an OC revolts me physically. I am actually grossed out to the point of being unreasonable.

Speechless.

Now that is saying something. [Big Grin]

I get angry with all parties involved.

Noodle <--- The Wrong Stuff to deal with that issue. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Below is my post's in bold and her responses to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


You get angry at ALL parties involved? What is THAT supposed to mean?

Pretty much precisely that Mt3B. I get angry with them. I'm not saying it's intelligent, I'm not saying it's reasonable..I'm saying I feel that way, and so I don't tread.

ARE you angry at the BS who is trying to save her/his marriage?

Yes, usually I am. Particularly when it descends into crawling like a dog and accepting living conditions that wouldn't be considered humane by people living in slavery.

Are you angry at the innocent child involved?

No, not angry with the child, but disgusted by the existence of it.

the innocent children of the WS?

Definitely not..they are not involved..not in the decision making loop. I think that they often go unprotected though. My children are introduced to their [censored] half sibling over my dead body. That kid gets no part of their inheritance 'cause Dad or Mom couldn't keep their pants up [if I had my way..although the most likely outcome is that at the very least a settlement will be required].

Gosh, this repulses me that you said such things!

I'm not suprised.

There is NO DIFFERENCE in a BS on the PG board as any other BS on the GQ11 boards, except now we have to deal with something that MOST people find they could NEVER deal with!

Agree

AN OC! [Eek!] I guess it does take a very strong person to deal with it!

I tend to see them as weak and dysfunctional. There are a great many who see *me* that way..both because I chose to attempt reconciliation with my FWH..and the other end of the spectrum..those who see I am not strong enough to integrate an OW and her spawn into my life.

To answer LM and Dani's question of MY current sitch!!! NO i have NOT reconciled with my WS! He is NOT living in my HOME! Paternity has NOT been established! That is all i know!

I do hope that your situation is resolved to your satisfaction. Noodle


Pure and utter FILTH this is! Unbelievable! I cant even think of anything to say to her! Well, yes I can, but I can post it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Mt3B,

I'm sorry but in some (not all) ways I have to agree Noodle.

Us bs's dealing with oc are given an added burden. Many people think we're nuts for staying. You know that. Hell, like Noodle said many think she's nuts too for tolerating what she did. She's right about some of the bs's crawling and begging and pleading and doing whatever it takes. We're all a bit guilty of it, those with oc and those without. When you add an oc into the mix people really think you're crazy. But you and I both know that unless you've lived it you really don't know what this is all about.

I too am disgusted by the existence of the oc. It represents everything I hate about my life right now. Whether that's the "politically correct" opinion doesn't matter to me. It fact pure and simple. I don't know Noodles story but maybe she's repulsed by the mere idea that there could very well be an oc child out there from her h. There's always that very real possibility. We didn't find out for 15 months that there was an oc. I saw one member on here that didn't find out for 13 years.

I would go to the ends of the earth to prevent my children from knowing of the existence of the oc before they become adults. A relationship with the oc is completely out of the question at this point. That's one big OH HELL NO!

We will do everything within our power to prevent the oc from inheriting a dime. Exclusion from wills, transferring property. Whatever it takes. We'll do it. That child is not family. Dna match to my husband? Yes. But not now, and not ever will it be considered family.

Noodle is entitled to her position even if she doesn't have the experience of dealing with an oc. But as the saying goes, "Don't take advice from people that don't have to live with the results." It's not worth stressing yourself out over. You and I have enough to deal with as it is, let alone letting other peoples opinions whether they be ow, other bs or whatever get in the way.

Cryn

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 05:08 PM: Message edited by: Crynsomuch ]</small>

Mom~

I gave noodle what for. Mostly because I'm offended she offended my BH. I can't stand blanket statements. I saw red, and called her out. Probably shouldn't have, but certain things anger me too.

~ad

Hi y'all....maybe this is one of those instances that Tempest just posted about when it might be better just to report the post rather than keep responding?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> AN OC! [Eek!] I guess it does take a very strong person to deal with it!

I tend to see them as weak and dysfunctional. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Crap why didn't I get off the computer when I told myself to???? I was simmering down. Now I'm really upset. Upset for you, for my H, and all BS. Yet the cooler side of my head says--keep in mind, this is one person's opinion. Emphasis on opinion. She can see you and my H weak and dysfunctional all day long. Doesn't change the facts you're both awesome human beings, and as about as far from weak and dysfunctional as anyone I know.

IMO, it bugs her to no end that anyone in this situation deals with it in a way she cannot fathom. That's all.

Hugs,
~ad

Your right Starfish...I will report that post! It just completely upsets me that someone could BLATANTLY call ME weak and DYSFUNCTIONAL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You're right star. Such a dummy I am. And I love Tempest's note too! I'm finished here.

No apologies for for my thread though. I didn't TJ, and I didn't want or see a need to report--she's entitled to her opinion. She stated it fairly respectfully, even if I felt she generalized. I just wanted to talk it out with her. Ask her some questions, and answer hers. Have some understanding if we could. I think we are.

Ladies,

I just had the "joy" of reading the thread on GQ that all of the angst stems from. I think everyone is misdirecting their anger. I don't believe that it should be directed toward Noodle whom was only responding to a thread with her opinion (which is her right, whether we like it or not). Although even I agree that she could have use a little more tact.

IMO your anger should be directed at the person that started the thread as the post is an obvious bash at those of us on Preg/child. But, most notably toward those of us that opt for nc. It was totally unnecessary for the thread starter to pull our forum into GQ to describe his obvious disgust with our choices.

While he is entitled to his opinion as we all are you can't start a thread bashing a particular group on this message board and not expect to insite anger and reaction. Which of course is what happened and then the thread starter had the nerve to say "Lets not turn this thread into an argument over NC/C or whatever, that was not the intent of this thread."

HELLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!! If you start a thread that singles out certain members, tempers are going to flare. While I realize that the thread starter is a respected member because of his opinions on many things and due to his profession, that doesn't necessarily make him an expert in all areas (worded as politely as possible Mt3B. Wink, wink <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

JMHO
Cryn

That whole thread just BURNS MY BACON!!!!! I don't think I have ever heard the term DISGUST used to describe me and how I am trying to save my family for MY INNOCENT CHILDREN! I have never sniveled, crawled or begged. I know OC is innocent as well, but OW made that choice for HER child when she lied about being on BC and only wanted leverage to end MY MARRIAGE. She thinks an OC puts her on equal footing (in her mind) with me and they deserve the same consideration as me and my 20 years of marriage and 3 children!!

Those people HAVE NO IDEA what they are spouting off about. They can have their opinions, but they are uneducated ones! Noodle made herself clear and so did LM. I will never have respect for either of their posts again. Not that they would care anyway.......I am disgusting!!

All I have left right now in my head are profanities, that I rarely speak out loud, so I will sign off. I was having such a good day, I should have not been curious to read. $%###

I read the thread and posted a response.

I'm sorry this forum was attacked and I'm sorry for the hurtful UNINFORMED comments from some of the members.

And to the STRONG wonderful P/C posters---
{{{{{{{{{{{{{P/C Forum}}}}}}}}}}}}}

NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY WHO IS NOT MARRIED AND IN THIS SITUATION CAN JUDGE OR KNOW WHAT THEY'D DO OR FEEL. I HAVE AN IDEA I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY'D DO....

HEY HOW MANY WOULD HAVE BELIEVED ALL THE BULLCRAP THEY HAVE PUT UP WITH UNFAITHFUL PARTNERS? NOPE, YOUR FRIENDS DO NOT UNDERSTAND--DO THEY?

period, and thats all can add to this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hey guys (gals):

Many people judge and comment on what they would do in situations that they are completely unfamiliar with. I think we all do---it's just that we're more sensitive about this particular situation because we're dealing with it.

And if you're dealing with it---you're certainly tougher than to let a few morons get you upset with thoughtless comments. Let's put this into context---not everyone who shows up at MB is fully developed, either intellectually or emotionally...

(that includes me too.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Let others think what they want. All of us in the situations knows how hard it is to work on the marriage when and Oc is involved. We also know how innocent the Oc is as is all children invovled . Yes, thing would have been so much better if we weren't in/brought into the situation to begin with. Part of what makes us stronger is dealing with this, learning from it.

Those who have never walked in out shoes will state how crazy we are for staying with a spouse who has an oc. I guess they just don't see it as putting extra work and opening ones heart up a little bit more.

Wow, I never considered that someone would think me "weak and dysfunctional". I know most people think "I couldn't do it!", but I don't feel I am even trying to save my M. I am choosing to stay with a man who loves me dearly and I him. He made a huge bad decision at a time when neither one of us knew if we really wanted this M or not. I did not choose an A, but that doesn't make him a psychopath because he did. These are the cards God has handed me, so I can either leave the man I love and have 3 children with and start over or stay and deal with it the best I can. That's all there is to it.

M23B,
Anyone that knew you, would know that weak or dysfunctional you're not.

I just wanted to chime in, even though I don't post here, and offer my apologies to you.

I know it wasn't me, but I just feel awful that someone inflicted additional pain on you, anyone following your sitch would understand how incredibly strong you've been throughout the whole ordeal.

Hugs to you always, no matter what, rain or shine....

Again...I'm sorry.