I am screaming with rage, anger and extreme pain inside. Every day I wake up with the knowledge that WH attend OC's birth, that for months before the birth OW called and called and called and begged for him to attend the birth and he did!!!! I feel sooooo betrayed that I am not sure I can get past this. He claims he went to protect OC <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Well a lot of good he did OC ended up in the NICU anyway. Any suggestions on letting this go?

{{{FF}}} That was one of my BIGGEST boundries was that WH did not attend OC birth! Up until that day he said that the OW's family wanted him there and he NEEDED to be there for the CHILD! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> WTH! For the CHILD! The child is not even born and you are using it as an excuse!

I dont have any answers for you! I knew if my WH attened that birth then I would file the next day, cuz that in itself is such a disprectful thing for me! He took everything else we had TOGETHER and for him to attend the birth! OOOOhhh, I cant even imagine your pain!

Hang in there sweetie! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sorry to hear he did that and how bad you feel today.

Here's where I'm coming from -- OC was born 3 weeks ago and my situation is different in that WH has really stepped up to the plate and made our M and kids #1 priority. -- Not trying to get into me, just wanted to give you a little background.

The one thing I have learned through my experience so far has been it is best for me to go with the emotion of the day and get it out. Rather than hide my anger, just be pi**ed. If I am depressed -- spend the day crying in my pajamas. If I am having a good day -- go with it be happy. It has been a real rollercoaster ride but I find I handle it best if I just go with it. Of course, I know staying depressed for days on end could be dangerous and that a rollercoaster of emotions can't continue indefinitely without ill effects -- I am not advocating that. My point just is -- don't beat yourself up for the way you feel. Express those feelings. Tomorrow will be another day (and probably another emotion.) And believe it or not there will be peace again -- what that means and looks like for you is a personal choice that will involve alot of decisions but it is out there for you. Hang in there.

Beth

(((Faithful)))

May I ask you to refresh me/us on what the original agreement was between you and H. Did he state all along that he would NOT go, or that he was unsure? Did he blatently disregard all previous urgings/conversations between the two of you regarding not attending the birth?

Your rage inside is warranted <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
And it will go on unless it is dealt with between you and H- it must be unloaded somehow. It is going to take time......... However, how can you "just get over" something that was preventable- that was left in the hands of the one who was to take care of you-- especially after all of the pain?????

Honey I'd have to say that was utterly disrespectful--- I'd read over some of the painful recent situations of more than a few of our regular posters--- is there ANY chance that H has caved into the OW/A again? Even just emotionally? How can the persistence of OW and the need to "protect" be directed towards a baby yet to be born who has a team of doctors there, etc etc..... WHO PROTECTED YOU from this hurt you feel again?????????

I wish I could just say "forgive" .. or "it will be ok" but this is huge to anyone facing this. He has crossed yet another major boundary.

there is something that must change-- I have been a prisoner to rage and the power it has over your body, mind.. your soul. It will eat you alive.

Aside from things you cannot control right now, you CAN get some exercise-- punch and scream into a pillow -- do things for YOU!! Otherwise, unless you impliment some new plan of action in your M- you can see now that you CAN'T control your H's actions. You can control you, and what you will accept from here on in, and how long you are willing to sacrifice YOU for H and OC/OW ....

Take care and keep posting your frustrations here, ok??

Thinking and praying for you ... (((Faithful and family))))

GIO--May I ask you to refresh me/us on what the original agreement was between you and H He knew that I was absolutely against his attending the birth.

Honey I'd have to say that was utterly disrespectful--- I'd read over some of the painful recent situations of more than a few of our regular posters--- is there ANY chance that H has caved into the OW/A again? Even just emotionally? Yes, emotionally. For the last few months I thought he was still in NC and instead it was a ridiculous amount of calls and her pleading for him to attend the birth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He has crossed yet another major boundary. Yes he has and I need to get off the fence and make a decision.

unless you impliment some new plan of action in your M- you can see now that you CAN'T control your H's actions. You can control you, and what you will accept from here on in, and how long you are willing to sacrifice YOU for H and OC/OW .... I am working on a new plan, mostly asking myself specific questions one of which is what am I willing to endure for this M?


Thank you everyone for your replies. I will let you know what happens

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Yes he has and I need to get off the fence and make a decision.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, good "analagy".. we, as the BW are also caught "sitting on the fence" and it is all fear driven, really. Fear of losing our family, fear of being alone, fear of falling apart without our mate !

Still talking excessively to OW-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Faithful, I am so sorry. Your heart- I can feel the pain for you.

I have a TINY example of how continued contact could feel....... I smashed my H's cell phone into 1000 pieces when I found out he talked to her ONCE after our NC call --- I am not proud of it, but I beat the h*ll out of my H with my bare hands -and GUESS WHAT it GOT RESULTS and GOT THE MESSAGE THAT I WAS NOT PLAYING GAMES WITH THIS OW CRAP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now don't do what I did, Faithful, but get OFF of that fence, take one of the slats from it, and let me LOVINGLY *tap* you on the butt to STAND UP like the strong solider you have shown youself to be thus far (though you may not feel like it) You've gone thru this much so far... you've been through h*ll and back, so dont underestimate your strength, ok?

The continued contact is a sad trend here lately-- and I am seeing MORE AND MORE AND MORE of why NO CONTACT was the saving point of our M. Cruel- harsh-selfish-whatever others may think- just read over this board and the recent "outbreak" of rekindled and continuous "contact for OC's sake" I MEAN AFFAIRS ongoing with OC as the excuse or cause!!!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The continued contact is a sad trend here lately-- and I am seeing MORE AND MORE AND MORE of why NO CONTACT was the saving point of our M. Cruel- harsh-selfish-whatever others may think- just read over this board and the recent "outbreak" of rekindled and continuous "contact for OC's sake" I MEAN AFFAIRS ongoing with OC as the excuse or cause!!!!!!

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Which is why I would prefer NC, but if it is indeed his child he does have to live with decision too. Ok, thanks for the 2x4 I will finish going through my "list".

Thanks.

FF,

Look at the data. It will tell you what you need to know. Then you can make your decision.

God Bless,

JL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Which is why I would prefer NC, but if it is indeed his child he does have to live with decision too. Ok, thanks for the 2x4 I will finish going through my "list".
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ABSOLUTELY. While we have NC, it was not at my insistance or my advice. I could only tell him what I felt I was willing and able to endure. It is not our decision- I have always been a firm believer of that. Once WS makes the decision then we work with what we are dealt, or dont work with it if need be.

No 2x4's ! Just a love tap!!!