Hello dear friends..

Thank God that this is one of the few places I can still get to from work, new filters and such...

I need some serious help for my dearest friend!
She is being held financially captive... emotionally and mentally abused by her husband.

He decided to leave her and their children.
He moved out, yet refuses to allow her to tell te kids that he wants to divorce her.
He continues to give her money to pay the bills at the house that she rents for her and the kids.
My friend lives several miles from her family and friends, yet her H lives where he can reach his friends and family instantly.

Every time he does something for her or the kids, he acts like he is doing something heroic... and that she OWES him for being so "good to her."

She has no way of getting a job, she is going to college to finish her degree (which he keeps saying she is so lucky he is "allowing her" to go to school) and then is covered up with the kids at night, 5 of them!

I need to find information about where to go to get HELP for her.
Because it is not something that leaves VISIBLE marks and scars, she is convinced that NO ONE can help her. (Another classic symptom of abuse)

My dear friends... Can you assist me in coming to her aid??

Stacia

<small>[ March 18, 2005, 01:02 PM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>

Stacia my dear....this is not going to be an easy fight.

I have lots of suggestions - she needs to read several books including Patricia Evans Verbally abusive Relationship book, there is also a website which is a message board like this one on verbal abuse, and she needs therapy.

Does your friend want help? Is she interested in doing the work to get free from this man?

She can call the domestic violence shelter in her area and they offer (most of them do) classes, support groups, etc for all types of abuse and some have on-site child care but she'll just have to do some checking around.

On the verbal abuse message board you'll see lots of women are in the same situation financially and it's a long haul to get free. It can be done and if she has friends, support groups, church or others that are willing to help out it will be easier.

YOu have my prayers - God can free us from any bondage if we want to be freed.

I would also encourage you as a child of God to pray for the husband - remember the bible instructs us to pray for our enemies and bless those who curse us so begin praying.

Love ya dear!

Stacia, I'm assuming your asking about finainacal help for her? If that is the case, then there are several places she can go. We have sent quite a few ladies to these places for help and although some of them take a while to get into, they are now getting help to finsih college, work daycare etc. I'm assuming her only income is money she gets from h? There is section 8 which helps pay your rent. In my area you don't have to live in bad living housing. In most cases they will pay what your rent is where ever you are.......as long as it's within the comps of the area. She has five kids, so she would qualify for a lot. The way the program works is they give you so many years to finsih school or get your act together and also put money in a special fun to help them buy a home when they are ready. There are state and federal agencies that help with electric bills. There are agencies to help with daycare too. She will probally have to have something in writing or file for seperation or divorce to prove what she is making from h. I'm also sure she can get grants for school.

I would suggest Dr. Irene's Verbal Abuse Site, for more info on the subject. It may help her see things more clearly and take action for herself and her children. If she doesn't want to be dependent on H, she could file for D. Though a long difficult process, it doesn't have to be and this could allow her to receive $$ from government while she finishes school. Good luck!!!