I haven't posted in a while because I know my situation is not what MB recomends. I have still been in frequent contact w/ H and he is doing repairs around here etc... I know he still sees OW although she had been telling him she doesn't want to be w/ him until after I have my baby. We can not get divorced yet and this seems to be a big problem to me. I can't seem to let him go even though we are still discussing divorce. Last night he was w/ OW and I knew he probably was. It was also my birthday and he had not gotten me anything and barely wished me a Happy Birthday. I called OW this morning and H was there. I informed her that H and I had not filed for divorce. I knew he had led her to believe that we had. I also informed her of a time I cared for OC when OC was sick. She had thought it was MIL. While MIL was there, it was mostly me who cared for OC. I knew H had not told her this either. I am fully expecting H to be furious w/ me when and if he comes around. I was just so mad that he had not gotten me anything for my birthday and then spent the night at OW's. I don't think I would have even been as mad if I knew where he was because I can never sleep when I don't know where he is or if he's OK. That makes me really made also since I know I really should worry about him right now! I know that I should be trying to cut ties w/ him I am just having such a hard time w/ it. I know the pregnancy makes it that much more difficult. I am trying to find a solution that I can live w/ and I'm having a tough time.

{{{Wife30}}}

I just realized I finally have some good advice.

You are pregnant and you need to worry about only you and that baby. All the other things are out of your control right now, i.e. the divorce, there is nothing that can be done while your pregnant and there is nothing that will change. For me that was a good thing, it gave me time, more time to deal with the situation.

No one in that condition needs any more stress, but I know you know that.

Hugs to you babe...{{{{{}}}}}
SG

edited for spelling

<small>[ March 20, 2005, 05:02 PM: Message edited by: Saving Grace ]</small>

Oh by the way I'm already crazy and if you'd like to join me I'd be more then happy to talk to you then the walls. Just kidding, thought you needed a little laughter..

Love Ya~SG

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

I think that you are doing what you feel is best for you, and thats ok.

However, I want you to stop and start to think about what is best for you. Instead of worrying about him and where he is at, and then letting him know you are worried....stop. Read plan B. RIght now he knows he has both of you and that has all the power in his court, why on earth would you want him to have any power over you????

This is YOUR life, YOUR child that's coming and YOUR future. Don't give it a way to a man who right now, isn't worth it!! Get up and get moving with your life. He can't know what he has lost, when she is still there now can he?

So, go and get your life going. Do things for you, don't be so available to him.

Have you called Harleys about this? Let them help you. If not, post away here. We care. We will be here for you.

Oh, what did you want for your birthday? Maybe I could send something to the Harleys and they could forward it on to you???? That way you could have a birthday present from someone who cares!!!

Lynn and Saving Grace thank you so much for your responses. They were both very sweet and helpful.

OW told H she wants to be w/ him (on my birthday). H went out the next morning and bought me a Coach purse. It wasn't so much about the gift as the fact that Dday last year was 2 days before my birthday. I had a party planned and cancelled it. These were the 2 times in years my birhtday would be on the weekend and they were both ruined! I thought he might do something since it was such a big issue between us last year. I just don't understand how you can spend 14 years w/ someone and then just not really acknowledge their birthday. Of course there is a lot he's done that I don't understand.

We talked last night and I expressed how hurt I was w/ the situation. He was not angry at all for me telling OW those things as I thought he would be. He apologized and said he didn't realize that I wanted him to do something for my birthday. He had been planning on getting me a gift. He knew that my friends were doing something for me that night and didn't think he needed to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> He also assured me again that he will do what he needs to do for the baby. He says he still loves me and that he doesn't love OW more. I just don't get any of this!

I have composed an e-mail telling him that I feel the need to separate myself from him more than I have. OW doesn't want him sleeping at my house anyway and maybe that will be best because it can help me to start to move on. I am waiting until I know he is at work before I send it. He was sick last night and I suspect it was nerves as he tends to have stomach problems when he is upset about things. I'm not sure if he's at work or not.

Oh, I forgot to say that OW called me last night. She was talking w/ H and heard me crying in the background. I don't know why the moron chose that moment to call anyway! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> So, she feels bad now and is reconsidering being w/ H. I told her she has not been concerned w/ my feelings this whole time, so why should she consider them now? She said she never really thought about the fact she was hurting me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> She said she never really got to know me so that it would be easier. Now, she realizes I am a good person and she feels guilty! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I told her that she needed to not consider me, but make the decision she could live with. Her and H have been telling each other they won't talk for weeks and then continue to call each other. I reminded her of this, and I know that they are not ready to make that decision and until they are I am tired of being in the middle of it. She kept asking me if I thought my marriage would work if she backed off. I told her I really don't know. She apologized to me for hurting me and I do believe she was sincere although I think she is still confused and the situation will go on longer between them. They can not seem to let each other go and w/ the baby in the picture I'm sure it will be that much harder. She kept asking me if I thought he was capable of change and I told her I really didn't know that either. She is worried now that he would cheat on her if they got together! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She said she wants our children to know each other and I let her know that I would not stop that from happening. She apologized for not allowing me to be more involved w/ OC in the past and assured me if H and I stayed together it would be different. She also said she knows that I will be a good mom and she would feel confident leaving her child w/ me now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> We were very civil and it was actually a productive conversation. It pisses me off because I had always offered to meet w/ her when we were in contact w/ OC to discuss visitation and what she was confortable with but she always refused. She asked me why now that I am pregnant would I be wanting a divorce when I never wanted it before. I reminded her that I never knew the full truth until I was pregnant and that I just don't know if you can forgive something that is has gone on so long. I told her again I would have never planned this baby had I known the situation. I will love the baby and I'm sorry that it will be brought up in a situation that is not what it was suppose to be. I also told her that I did not know if it was possible for me to forgive H as I don't know if he is willing or capable of making the changes it would take for us to stay together. I would not feel comfortable for him to have continued contact w/ her.

((Wife))) You are so brave to be handling this as rationally as you actually are! You may think you are not, but you do not sound crazy to me honey!

As far as the OW calling you-- boy she sure is sorry now- sure is trying to be SO FAIR now, etc etc.. this is all bullcrap and it will change if and when you and H are together again!!!! She "got what she wanted" so to speak so now she is all about being "nice"...

It makes me sick because she just went through a pregnancy and she is manipulating you !! She is giving fake sympathy JUST to look good in H's eyes.

I think she finds great pleasure in you being pregnant and alone now-- If you ask me, she will revert to the same old crap and worse, the minute you and H might decide to stay together.

You are so much better off than those two-- believe that. KNow in your heart that you ARE and WILL have a happy and healthy baby because that baby has a strong, loving mother- YOU.

Wife30, first of all, happy belated birthday!! I have been following your story for quite some time. It outrages me that you are being emotionally held hostage by these two supremely selfish people!

Please put yourself and your OWN baby first for a change! I know you are doing what is best for your situation, but your WH sounds like a real cake eater to me.

((((Wife30))))

Happy, Happy Birthday! (belated)

You are an amazing woman!

I know how hard this must be for you. I, too went through a pregnancy while my H openly pursued his relationship with OW. It breaks my heart to know you are going through this now.

Take care of yourself and your little one. I agree with your thoughts that you should distance yourself from your H and especially from OW. I know it hurts to do it, but I think it will be a very important step toward taking care of yourself. It will reduce stress on you and the baby and give your H a chance to see what life will truly be like without you.

OW sure has some b@lls! I agree with the others, I think she's faking it. Did she suddenly develop a conscience overnight?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

She's concerned NOW? After she's already muddied and maybe destroyed a love and marriage (hers, too!). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I call BS! Don't allow yourself to believe any of this crap. You may think it would benefit everyone for you to be the bigger person and suck it all up - but DON'T DO IT. You will only leave yourself wide open for another blow.

Limit your contact as much as you possibly can. Cut him off, honey - completely. You need all the time you can possibly get to focus on maintaining your health, and the health of your child.

BIG, BIG, BIG ((((Wife))))

Keeping you in my thoughts....

AVNL

Edited for spelling errors and a birthday wish...

<small>[ March 22, 2005, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: aVictimNoLonger ]</small>