Hi,

I just found this web-site and am soooo glad! D-Day was 1-22-05. My WH had just returned from Iraq and told me about a ONS he had with a friend in his unit. Then he dropped the bomb-shell. She's pregnant. We are working through this because we love each other, but there is so much that friends, MCs, and even our pastor cannot understand with the added "bonus" of a baby on the way. I haven't found a book yet that talks about how to deal with an OC.

I'm sure that I will have questions and vents later, but I just wanted to post how glad I am to know there are others out there to "talk" to about this!!!

HI JM, and welcome to MB...i am sorry you have to be here, but you are in the right place with the right people! I dont have much time to post right now...but just wanted to piont some things out for you!

You probably wont find too many books that deal with an A AND an OC together...but Surviving an Affair is a great book to start with! Read up on these boards and post away! General Questions is booming with people if you want quick answers to the A part, but they dont deal much with the PG board!

These woman are awesome here and we will get you thru this...Hang on for the ride of your life!

kandi

Jacqsmom,

Welcome to the club, I'm sorry for your situation and your pain. There are many of us here in very similar situations. You will find great advice from some of the most wonderful people in the world. And all the support you need!

Read through this site - EVERYTHING. You will find a wealth of information here to help you and your H recover.

Infidelity resulting in a pregnancy is not an easy subject to research. Unfortunately there isn't a lot of information out there for people in our position. I have found that many of the books that deal with affairs can be beneficial in recovery even if they don't address the issue of an OC. I read "Surviving an Affair". It's a great book and helped me a lot in the beginning.

This site has been my savior. I wish I had found it many years ago. The people here are very understanding.

A few questions to begin with:

Have you and your H talked about a DNA test?

This is VERY IMPORTANT. My H's XOW swore up and down that her baby was my H's, but when we pushed for DNA testing it finally came out that there was a possibility the baby belonged to another man. DNA tests proved my H to be the father, but XOW did lie to him at first. You can never trust her word alone. The possibility that she conceived during a ONS is pretty slim (though not impossible by any means), and it would be wise from a legal standpoint as well.

Is he going back to Iraq or is he home to stay?

Have you and your H discussed counseling? Individual or marital?

Again, I'd like to offer my condolences and big hugs ((((Jacqsmom))))

Best of luck,
AVNL

Edited because I asked a question you had already addressed in your sig line.

<small>[ March 21, 2005, 04:15 PM: Message edited by: aVictimNoLonger ]</small>

Kandi-thanks for taking the time to post! I have already read through 3 books (but not surviving an affair) and am in the process of reading 2 others. I'll look for S an A. Knowing that there are others out there that I can talk to is HUGE. I want to cry right now...lol

AVNL-HELL YES there will be a DNA test!!!
No-he won't be going back to Iraq (hopefully). He's in the reserves, and will be off AD next week. He only has 2 1/2 years left til he can retire, and the chances are pretty slim that he would be sent again. He goes back to his civilian job in April.
We have been seeing a marriage counselor since about two weeks after D-day. It's helping because it's slow going.

I know it seems rather naive of me to believe that it was a ONS...but I do. He has told me details about what happened and I've also talked to the OW. She had just recieved news that her H was divorcing her. I'm also pretty good friends with some people in his unit (including his room-mate in Iraq). Although there is always doubt...I believe him. There's alot of history with us...and I have told him that now is the time to come clean with everything...or I will leave and he will never see me or my daughter again. I have a little girl with Down syndrome, and he is the only dad she has EVER known. I don't think he would risk that. Who knows...I may find out down the road that he is lying...but I'm pretty sure he's not. I looked back on his emails from Iraq, and the only time he didn't email me every 2-3 days was about a two week time period when he had the ONS. I knew then that something was up. I didn't have those same "intuitive feelings" during any other time while he was there.

Thanks for the support and the advice...I'm looking forward to having help on my "journey"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Boy was I an idiot...See my post "New D-day". I read what I wrote yesterday about trusting him...and I feel betrayed and mislead...AGAIN!!!