I have a restraining order on my exh for DV. When I talked to the DA he said that there was no mention to exh in court that he had to stay away from his son. We do have a court order temporary visitation from our Family Facilitator & it does recognize the restraining order & he is allowed to see our son.

Exh has not seen our son for over for over 2 months & our Mediation is on 4/13/05. Is there something I can do besides keeping track of his “No Shows” to let the Mediator know exh is abandoning his child & will probably continue because of his history. The further away exh is from us the better is what I say.

The only reason why we are going to mediation is because exh told the Judge during our CS hearing that I didn’t let him see our son. What a lie. I would never do that, that’s not my style plus I let him see our son during his restraining order all the time. My exh was just pissed because the Judge stuck it to him GOOD w/CS. The Judge looked at the divorce & CS papers & told exh “To Bad”. Exh never contested his rights 30 days after he was served w/D paper… Duh, he didn’t read his papers!!! So the Judge ordered us to see a Family Facilitator to get our Temp visitations until we go to mediation to finalize everything.

How can I submit my son (5yrs old) to be with his father and ow? I hope the mediator understands that I don’t want our son around them… They both are out of their minds. Exh is not by any means a good influence to our son. HELLO 3 yr affair, 2 oc, domestic violence, signs of abandonment & a psycho ow!

History:
· OW- ex felon for drugs, spent time in the big house in 2002
· OW – tried to put a false restraining order on me after D-day, it was denied.
· OW – mailed her paternity test of 2nd oc to me
· Exh – pretty much abandoned his 4 other boys (previous relationship) during our relationship & marriage, his choice not mine. I hated it.
· Exh – abandoned his boys again when they were taken away from their mother and placed in Foster care (out of state) for over a year. Exh only visited with them 2 times the entire time they were in Foster care.
· Exh – abandoned his 1st oc during her first year (oc is now 15months). He just recently moved in w/ow & the 2 oc after he was arrested for domestic violence… He said he had no where else to go… Ha, ha, ha, ha, what a joke!!!

Questions:
· Who can I talk to before mediation? A Lawyer is too expensive
· Can I request that exh take some sort of parenting class before a real order is in place?
· I suspect exh might be drinking & doing drugs, should I mention this to have him possibly tested?
· Has anyone been through what I’m going through with visitations & what should I expect?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You can usually call a lawyer for a free consultation. They should be able to answer some of your legal questions.

I know in my state if the father has NC w/ the child for 1 1/2 years that you can terminate their rights to the child, but you are also terminating their obligation to pay CS. My sister had this done for one of my neices.

If he has a history of drug use let your lawyer know, see what you can do. Give your lawyer all the gory details why you'd just assume he be out of the picture and let them figure out what's pertinent in court.

Good Luck!

Some therapists will do family mediation.

Ours did, she took state sponsored insurance(before H had insurance) AND H insurance, we only had to pay the co-pays. She worked w/ us & OW in regards to parenting OC. She was a MFT (marriage/family/therapist).

Alsot eh courts had brochures on a number of different mediation programs. Check w/ the courts & ask if they can give you a referral. IF there is domestic abuse or restraining orders involved, many times the courts will order attendance in one of these programs by both parents. @ least in my state (CA)

Hope this helps give you some ideas.

kt

(((Chris))) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but wanted to give you a hug! The court system thoroughly confuses me...

Keep your chin up.....be strong!

AVNL

If you're going to a Mediator to "finalize everything" this is definitely the place to bring up your concerns re: the safety and well being of your son regarding contact with his father. You might not be able to stop visitation, but with a Domestic Violence Restraining order having been filed, supervised visitation can sometimes be ordered. That would mean no overnight visits with his father..and visits must be held at a location where a neutral party must be present to observe the visit. That might lessen the chance of any contact with the OW, and probably discourage your ex.

As far as your concerns about your ex's sanity, possible drug use, etc. sometimes a mediator will order a
psychological evaluation and/or substance abuse evaluation. Be prepared that you, too, would probably be asked to get these evaluations. The court has to be "fair" in evaluating both parents. If this happens, it's to your benefit to not act defensive, but show a willingness to do whatever is needed to help the mediator make an informed decision regarding visitation. Afterall, YOU have nothing to hide or cover-up! As hard as it can be...it is often to your benefit to appear calm, in control and cooperative with the mediator when stating your concerns. Let your ex appear to be the out of control person!

And yes, document..document..document any events around scheduled visitations, phone calls, gifts on birthday..holidays etc. between your ex and your son. He's already shown he'll try and pull the "she won't let me visit" stuff. Also, if there is a restraining order that the family court recognizes, be careful about allowing any visitation when that order is in effect. The court could see this as a negative on your part...you allowing your child to be in a situation that has been considered unsafe.

I'm not a legal professional. These are just similar situations I've come across in working in domestic violence and assisting a friend whose ex was similar to yours. Obviously each State can have some differences. It can be so frustrating trying to deal with legal issues when you can't afford an attorney! It's our and our children's wellbeing that is at stake here! Good luck!