I have reached a point in this whole healing process where I'm tired of having to deal think about OW in regards to OC. I feel worn out all the time and I feel like it isn't fair because she has become a topic of conversation everyday with us due to OC. I'm tired of having OC come over in a dirty diaper. I'm tired of having to rely on OW to provide us milk for OC. I'm tired of her always calling me H (even if he doesn't pick up). I'm just tired of it all. Have any of you gotten to that point and if so, do you have any suggestions?

I have been where you are, and now you know where I'm at. I'm still tired though. I understand completely. Are you taking care of yourself? Remember you are pregnant and that the hormones could be affecting you as well. I hope things improve for you soon.

Here, here. I second that.

I think that any BS trying to recover while dealing with the presence of an OC is going to be drained. It's hard enough to come to grips with the infidelity to begin with, add your own pregnancy and the hurt of an OC and you're bound to have days where you're simply tired of it all. Those are the days that you must take extra special care of yourself. Do something just for you and your baby. Even if it's as simple as taking a bubble bath.

It takes a very strong woman to undertake the task of raising her H's illegitimate child. I applaud you for your strength of character.

Have you expressed your feelings to your H? If he can be especially loving on these sorts of days it may just be enough to pull you out of the dumps.

Good luck (((Hurt)))

Big Hugs,
AVNL

I think that this is why I filed for the divorce...I just cannot deal with any of it anymore! Although I always told H that I would accept the CHILD, I would not accept the OW..he continued to lie to me...and I just cant do it anymore!

Everyone,

Thanks for your posts. I am taking care of myself but I just have hit bottom where I'm tired of having to just deal. I do tell my H and he is great at trying to help. But its the key word "trying" because he doesn't really know what to do or say. He knows how much it hurts me and I can tell that he doesn't know what to say to make things better. This morning he came out and said honey, do you need to talk, you look overwhelmed with something. I told him I just didn't know what to say. I've already expressed my feelings with everything and I'm not sure how to get on with it when its a daily occurence that oc is over. PLEASE understand that I adore OC very much. I just get overwhelmed. In the card OW sent me it said she was happy OC NAME was going to be a big brother. This morning I took the card, cut it up and said, my child should not have an older brother. Then I broke down and feel to my knees with OC sleeping in the swing. I know my hormones are all wacky because I'm preggers and I ask that no OW's take cheap shots at a BW's daily suffering.
Then I fast forward to the future after I have my little one...I think, I really want 6 weeks without OC. I want that time to be shared between me,my H and our newest addition. Is that utterly SELFISH??
I just don't understand why OW in my case is so obvilious (sp?) to everything. What does she expect, me and her to go out shopping hand in hand? I'm just tired of it. Maybe it is a pity day for me......I have an appt today to hear my little one's heartbeat and get measured and stuff. Then a friend and I are going out to lunch (Olive garden, my fav) and shopping a little. One great thing I have accomplished is that I have signed up for a debt counseling program to help me which was a HUGE concern for me and the future. I'm not in a HUGE debt, but I'm at the point where I seem to be going a little under water. So that makes me feel wonderful to know that ONE payment a month and ALL my bills are paid and I have EXTRA EXTRA money!

Hurt,

I DON'T think it's selfish to ask for six weeks without OC after the baby is born! I think that's COMPLETELY acceptable - and if that's what you want you should have it. Having a baby is very tiring, you will have little energy for anything besides bonding with baby and your H. Don't feel ashamed for wanting that time - you deserve it!

I'm glad to hear you're out for the day doing fun things, sounds like you need it.

Keep your chin up.....tomorrow is a new day, and after you hear the baby's heartbeat you may feel mountains better.

Don't let OW antics ruin your day.....the card she sent, while some may consider it thoughtful, was a cruel gesture. It may just be a way for her to keep you thinking about it. Do your best to ignore it, perhaps tell your H to relay the message to OW that you do not want her to contact you, if you want to speak to her YOU will initiate the contact. You are pregnant and don't need any more undue stress!

((((((HURT))))))

AVNL

AVNL,

Actually what I did today with the card was cut it up into small pieces, put it in a ziploc with her name is quotations and through it out. Kind of like just a cleansing thing I guess. It made me feel little better. I actually was going to put it in his carseat without H knowing and send it home but what would that accomplish? Nothing and drop me down to her level!
Today we have OC from 6 this morning till 9 at night and she sent 3 5 oz bottles for him. ARE YOU KIDDING? And what are we to do because he eats every two hours over here. She doesn't believe that because he eats every 4 there. She thinks we are pouring it out. Oh please! *SIGH*
I am very excited to hear my little one's heartbeat. I heard it monday too when I went in for them to check my leg out. I just can't wait to hold the little man in my arms!!!! Plus I'm sure a little shopping for him today will help a little!! Thank you!

I think with all that you are going through, you should expect some time to yourself after the birth of your little one. Its tiring as you go through the adjustments and your focus should be on your son.

However, I'm worried about what that would do to the visitation between OC and your H? If you need space (which you really do), would your H agree not to see child at all during that time? Because the other option would be for H to go visit OC at OW's and you've heard from others what that might promote. Of course you could go with him but that sort of defeat the purpose of you having space.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This morning I took the card, cut it up and said, my child should not have an older brother. Then I broke down and feel to my knees with OC sleeping in the swing </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OMG Hurt.... I am in tears right now at work (literally).. I can't stand this pain and I cant stand that I can't hug you !!! You are such an Angel. You are a miracle to your H- you are a true lady in EVERY sense of the word. You are this little OC's luck in life......

AV said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It takes a very strong woman to undertake the task of raising her H's illegitimate child. I applaud you for your strength of character.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A lady who is enduring this for her marriage, even for little OC, makes ME want to be a better person. I mean that. You HAVE THE WORLD on your shoulders, Hurt--- and YOU ARE my hero. It is not easy being such a wonderful soul (even though you may not think so-YOU ARE).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Then I fast forward to the future after I have my little one...I think, I really want 6 weeks without OC. I want that time to be shared between me,my H and our newest addition. Is that utterly SELFISH?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hurt, if you do ONE THING FOR YOU-- this is a BIG ONE. You NEED, DESERVE AND DARN WELL BETTER have this need of YOURS AND BABY'S fulfilled!!!!!!!! 6 Weeks in the scheme of life without OC means NOTHING, but 6 weeks of bonding w/H and baby in peace without the thought of OW via OC at ALL-- is what you must do!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you DARE consider yourself SELFISH in any way. You are a living breathing human being with needs-- NOT JUST ON THIS EARTH TO MAKE OTHERS COMFY AND HAPPY ALL THE TIME. If you do not love yourself, take care of your soul, your needs, you will not be a healthy or happy mommy to anyone for long.

(((Hurt))) You are amazing- God has jewels in heaven for you and here on earth.... this can only get easier-- I mean-- you only have UP TO GO !

Edited to add answer to original question:

NO I do not get tired anymore because NC saved my marriage and my life. I am not anywhere near as strong and admirable as you are <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> therefore contact w/OW through OC would have killed me.. or her.... if you catch me drift

<small>[ March 23, 2005, 11:22 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hurt5-04:
<strong> I have reached a point in this whole healing process where I'm tired of having to deal think about OW in regards to OC. I feel worn out all the time and I feel like it isn't fair because she has become a topic of conversation everyday with us due to OC. I'm tired of having OC come over in a dirty diaper. I'm tired of having to rely on OW to provide us milk for OC. I'm tired of her always calling me H (even if he doesn't pick up). I'm just tired of it all. Have any of you gotten to that point and if so, do you have any suggestions? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hurt--yes! Yes! A THOUSAND TIMES--YES!!

I do get tired of it all. I'm tired of having to hold my temper in check so as not to LB. As if the OC is a LB enough. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I'm tired of having to take the high road and not stoop to OW's level. I'm tired of feeling resentful because our finances have been impacted. I'm tired of the hatred and bitterness that creeps up on me out of nowhere! I'm tired of being reminded that OC didn't ask to be born or for the parents she had. I'm tired of feeling as if I'm being judged by my own family because I chose to honor my vows! I'm tired of OW's sense of entitlement and bitterness because she can't have the "family unit" that SHE feels she's entitled to because I'm "in the way." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Having to deal with WH's infidelity is bad enough. But, it's not even like we can put it behind us and leave it in the past because there is a living, breathing reminder of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I'm tired of worrying about who and when OC will be exposed to others. I feel as if my future has been stolen, or at the very least, co-opted by someone who was NOT wearing my wedding dress!

And, no, no--a THOUSAND TIMES, NO, you are not being selfish at all. You have a right and you earned the right on the day you were married to expect to bond with your new baby and YOUR husband without having to share it with OC or the specter of OW in the picutre. If this is the way you feel, then please express it to your H.

You are, indeed, a class act!