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I was just talking to xH ... he went last night to visit OC ... and told me that OW got an Easter basket, clothes, one Baby Einstein DVD and a movie for DD ...
I don't want to sound inmature or ungrateful but ...
What's up with that? Is she trying to win her way back with him through DD? Am I seen too much into this?
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Mily,
Are you and your XH dating again? Have the two of you talked more about the state of your relationship?
My OW used to play little tricks like that. But when my H had decided he was finally done with her that was it....he was done.
Your situation is very difficult to assess. You and your H are divorcing, correct? He's living in an apartment alone?
I think you just need to give it some time and try not to worry about what OW is doing. If your H really wants to save the relationship he has with you it won't matter what tricks OW tries to pull. So, it's not what OW does - It's what your H does that should get you thinking.
I always hated the neverending feeling of being in "competition" with OW. I tried analyzing every little thing she did and said to see if I needed to "counter act". It's a truly vicious circle. Don't get swept up in it, it will only hurt you further.
Try, though it may be hard, to focus nearly all of your attention on yourself. The love that you are lacking from your H at the moment is love that you still need. You are the only one who can fill that need right now. It may make you feel better to pamper yourself. Remember when you were single BEFORE you met your H? Remember doing your hair and makeup, wearing something pretty and flirtatious, and being a carefree, smiling person? If you can find it within yourself to be this way again you will not only feel better about yourself but you will ultimately be VERY attractive to others (your H may really notice the change in you).
I wish you the best of luck (((Mily))).....keep your chin up and stay strong!
Big Hugs,
AVNL
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AVNL, Thanks ... Yes, we are dating and we've talk a lot about us and our relationship. We are divorced (one year in May). </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I always hated the neverending feeling of being in "competition" with OW. I tried analyzing every little thing she did and said to see if I needed to "counter act". It's a truly vicious circle. Don't get swept up in it, it will only hurt you further. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly how I feel! That it is a never-ending competition ... She also told H a couple of months ago that "I won". And I told him, this is not a competition, this is real life. She is playing games. The other 'competitions/games' were more between her and me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> whatever that meant ... but she buying stuff for DD got me by surprise ... and I was thinking do I have to buy something for OC? how do I react to this? Is there something else? You are right ... I should not worry about what OW is doing ... keep telling myself that ... and H/xH/BF he's being really good since we started dating ... and I do feel that our communication has improved a lot ... Thanks again!
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Hey Mily,
I am glad to see you this morning! I wouldn't read to much into it. I think she is playing games to win him back, but as you said this is not a competition!!!
No you do not have to buy OC a gift why would you that is up to your H if he wants to. she only did it to please him or get her foot back in the door. Let her deal with her child and you deal with yours unfortunately your H has the two to deal with. I know that that must be hard, still I say No don't get involved in the games because that is all it is!!!
REad our other post!!
JT
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Heh. Heh. Heh. Mily, what a gal, huh???? This most obviously is OW saying "HEY MR. MILY, LOOK HOW SWEEEEET I AM!" I would wonder what the heck is up with it too. However, AV is absolutely right-- who cares- take the gifts, tell your H to tell her "thanks" and thats IT. If this were truly from the heart I'd feel moved and all that-- but I think its a little gimick. (sp?) And hey MILY AND WAITING..... catch this... SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCHIE POOOO to both of you! P.S. Mily, are *we* sure he is not tangling w/OW anymore? Not that you can change it or stop your life anymore IF he was, but JUST curious cause of the gifting....? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <small>[ March 23, 2005, 11:06 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>
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Gio, you are so cute <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> PS - You are the voice of reason here ... Well, here is what *we* know: - the calls have stop considerably between them ... good - he tells me when she calls and what they talk about ... good - he calls before and after going to see OC (without me asking for it) ... good - he keeps going to counseling and seemed very excited when his counselor told him that 'we were going to make it' ... good - she does not know where he is living now ... good - I do and have key to his apt ... good - she does not know that we are going on vacation together ... not good - she does not know that we are dating/working on our relationship ... not good - he says that she does not need to know because she is not part of his life anymore ... good? - he's been spending all his 'free' time with us ... good - we were together the whole day on Saturday for his BDay ... good - OW called, he didn't asnwer the phone, she wanted to wish him a Happy BDay ... not good - He told me about the call and the message ... good -Checked later no calls at all from him or her ... good I did bought some toys for OC on St Valentine's ... she didn't to DD. So may be she still thinks this is a competition and wanted to 'beat' me for Easter ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> But, please, if you see something I'm not, please let me know!
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Not to threadjack here but in regards to competition, etc. our counselor told H that OW is way out of line to be fighting for something/someone that does not legally or morally belong to her. I know we all say that, but from hearing it come out of the "professionals" mouth really validates our feelings as BS's. I'm finding that alot of what I've said about our sitch is indeed what the case is. H just didn't want to listen to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Thank God he wants to listen to the counselor!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Same here Michelle ... xH's been going to IC since December ... and NOW that the counselor is telling him all the things I told him before, now he 'sees' them ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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Gio, you are so cute <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> PS - You are the voice of reason here ... Well, here is what *we* know: - the calls have stop considerably between them ... good - he tells me when she calls and what they talk about ... good - he calls before and after going to see OC (without me asking for it) ... good - he keeps going to counseling and seemed very excited when his counselor told him that 'we were going to make it' ... good - she does not know where he is living now ... good - I do and have key to his apt ... good - she does not know that we are going on vacation together ... not good - she does not know that we are dating/working on our relationship ... not good - he says that she does not need to know because she is not part of his life anymore ... good? - he's been spending all his 'free' time with us ... good - we were together the whole day on Saturday for his BDay ... good - OW called, he didn't asnwer the phone, she wanted to wish him a Happy BDay ... not good - He told me about the call and the message ... good -Checked later no calls at all from him or her ... good I did bought some toys for OC on St Valentine's ... she didn't to DD. So may be she still thinks this is a competition and wanted to 'beat' me for Easter ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> But, please, if you see something I'm not, please let me know!
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Mily---
I read your punchlist oh so very carefully.. LOL you KNOW I just love to tell people the bad stuff I see, right? Not true, but I feel paranoid about that sometimes! ha!
I think your punchlist has received a stamp of APPROVAL from the skeptic!!!!!
As far as her not knowing about you and him---- the xow in our life thinks we are separated too. We decided that we were not "out of the woods" yet as far as being insecure some yet of our M, and why allow a scorned xOW to have ANY ideas of how she can screw w/us or do things to try to irritate me/us???? I just dont want her knowing I'm alive, therefore less fuel to her scorned and ugly feelings.. I think your H has the same idea.
Now- she WILL know eventually since you will have contact, but until you are more "sure" of things, there is a waaaaay big chance of her fire being lit even more- and SOME xow are pure evil and try to throw a wrench in our M any way they can conjure up to!!!
IF, however you are bothered by it and feel insecure about it then by ALL MEANS your H CERTAINLY does not have to tell her but he shoudl NEVER EVER go out of his way to hide it- I think that would really hurt you (or me) because it would feel like a red flag or like he was hiding something.....
Mily I'm so so so happy for you - you seem so much more sure of yourself and STRONGER! We are getting there right! I think you living separate is the perfect way to entice, rile up and to tease your hubby and add some romance to your "thing" you got going on...... and when the time is right you can live together again. You are so young (not always feel it if course..) and you have all the time in the world to make this a good solid romance/marriage again.
Love ya girl!!!!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So, it's not what OW does - It's what your H does that should get you thinking.
I always hated the neverending feeling of being in "competition" with OW. I tried analyzing every little thing she did and said to see if I needed to "counter act". It's a truly vicious circle. Don't get swept up in it, it will only hurt you further. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mily,
Good advice from AVNL. OW will always play games til they grow up which most never do. Don't even waste your energy on trying to figure out what she is up too, u already know it is nothing good.
Concentrate on your XH & re-building your relationship, as long as he is giving u know reason to doubt that his intentions toward u r anything less than honorable y ask for trouble.
Let her play her games & try to win his heart & affection. IF he wanted her he'd be with her. U will drive yourself crazy even thinking about her & her motives.
Me personally, I wouldn't want anything from her for my DD, if u two reconcile & have C then I would see no problem with it, but now I really believe it is all about scoring brownie points with XH - not about your DD.
Ignore her.
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Mily, I second what "B" (BBYG)just said!!! Love ya, JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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