When your H tells you he loves you how do you kno whe is telling you the truth? How long after the A did it take for you to know when your H sais he loves you he meant it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Did your H ever do anything to prove he lvoed you, NO GIFTS but things buy flowers, clean the house for you, just unexpected things.

Do you ever really get the love back the way it was, do you ever get the love back period. Do you ever get the trust back? Do you EVER really start to trust H again. Do you EVER stop thinking, living, relaoying A over in your heard, do you ever stop thinking about OC and what this has done to your world.

Just pondering some thoughts in my head and wanted to get them out.

Whitegirl,

"How long after the A did it take for you to know when your H sais he loves you he meant it. "

I still don't know if I believe him and it's been two years since the affair ended and ten months since the discovery of oc.

"Do you ever really get the love back the way it was, do you ever get the love back period."

IMO it never comes back the way it was.

Do you ever get the trust back? Do you EVER really start to trust H again."

The trust? That remains to be seen. I truly don't believe that he'd ever be stupid enough to have another affair since his first one turned out so horribly with an oc in the end. Trusting him with my heart is another story. This hurt he's laid on my doorstep is too great.

"Do you EVER stop thinking, living, replaying A over in your heard, do you ever stop thinking about OC and what this has done to your world."


I hear from others that you eventually stop thinking about the oc 24/7 but, I'm not there yet. I am seriously contemplating my future these days.

What this has done to my world is horrendous. I have suffered no greater loss than; a son(oc, we only have dd), my hope for the future, my faith in my husband and my belief in myself.

I'm fighting for my kids sake right now but in the process fear that I'm losing my dignity. I'm not sure that the trade off is worth it.

I wish that I could sound more positive but, I can't. This sh*t is tough to deal with.

Cryn

<small>[ March 23, 2005, 03:43 PM: Message edited by: Crynsomuch ]</small>

Cryn

That is ok I Sometimes need to hear feedback wehter positive or negative. It makes me feel at ease to know that there are other woman feelin just like I am feelin thank you so much for your input.

I think I understand that hurt of a loss, I have 2 older step-sons, I have a son wtih H and OC is my H FIRST G. The hurt and paini of that is AWFUL. SOmetimes I wonder and ask myself will I and can I TRULY EVER get past this.

It hurts as well, because I was pg. in feb. but had a miscarriage so now we are going to try again.

Sometimes, I feel great about me and H but other days I feel bad, and have doubts i guess thats normal, it has not even been a year yet, Monday was 9 months for me. I dounf out about A and OC at the same time.

Sometimes I feeel like I am to damn young to be going thru the **** I am ging thu, by the time I am 50-60 I feel like i can write a best selling novel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If you would like to talk more I can give you my personal email address.

Thanks again.
WG

Whitegirl,

I have the same feelings! Sometimes it feels like you can never be rid of the pain. We have to trust others who have gone before and believe that it will go.

My D-day anniversary is tomorrow. I have been fighting off sinking into the despair abyss! I can still feel the sensation of ice water going through my veins and the sick feeling when I discovered H affair. And all the days past that!

H is helping keep me out of the abyss. We have been in recovery for 7 months.....it is getting better, but still some days are hard.

You wrote:
Sometimes I feeel like I am to damn young to be going thru the **** I am ging thu, by the time I am 50-60 I feel like i can write a best selling novel.


I have thought the very same thing. Although it would have to be in the fiction pile because no one would believe it was true!!!

Hang in there.

wg,

Read the MB principles.

Feelings shouldn't determine our actions. Our ACTIONS will direct our feelings.

Even if you or your H do not *feel* "in love", chosing to commit to each other, chosing to meet each others' emotional needs, chosing to avoid love busters, chosing concrete affair-recovery actions and boundaries... these ARE LOVE!!!!! Love is a verb, and will be re-created by the above behaviors.

The world tells us: marry for love, divorce if you are not "in love" but MB taught me how shallow, how fleeting and stupid that really is.
Our divorce rate would be much lower if people used the MB principles!

J
6+y recovery and glad I stayed.