2 days ago we LB'd big time. I told H I was tired of his lies. I ask him how am I going to believe anything he says when he lies to me. He denies that he lied.<P>He got so mad he physically tried to throw me out of the house. I fought him like a crazy woman. This would have been funny if it wasn't so sad, he's 6'1" & 285 pounds and I'm 5'1" & 140 pounds. (probably could have sold tickets for this ) <P>He told me he will not do anything for me anymore. He yelled about how he won't take me out to dinner because he can go alone and save 1/2 the money, etc etc etc.<P>I made up my mind that I am going to school and doing whatever I have to do so I can become self supporting and never have to depend on him for anything again. <P>We didn't say even one word to each other yesterday. <P>Today he walks in and kisses me and acts like everything is fine, like there wasn't a fight and we are the perfect couple. <P>He was planning for me to go with him on a trip out of state today. That was cancelled when we had the fight. The purpose of the trip was for me to learn his job so we can start our own business. He put the trip off until tomarrow, and now he's talking like he expects me to go with him.<P>What's going on with him? How can he turn it off and on like that. I'm setting here mad as h*ll and he acts like everything is great.<P>Has anyone had this happen? <P>Any ideas how to handle this?<P>

Keosha, I'm cutting & pasting the reply I just posted to scanman on plana/b board, re: spouses turning hot and cold...some of it may sound familair...<BR>[quote]Hot and cold pretty much describes it. My H will be seeming much closer to me one day, and the next very withdrawn. <BR>All along I've thought it had to do just with missing the other person...but last week it hit me that (while that is certainly a BIG part of it), maybe getting closer to me scares him into withdrawing the next day. Since he's the one that had the EA, I'm not sure why getting closer to me should scare him (seems like it should be the other way<BR>around), but I think that plays a definite role...maybe he's scared of letting himself be in-love with me, and maybe having me end up not forgiving him? or our relationship reverting to the things that made him vulnerable to an EA to begin with? or maybe part of it is guilt? I don't know...but am quite familiar with the Hot and Cold thing...in fact,we talked a bit about it this weekend; both of us can see it happening. If you figure it out, let me know...<BR> Kathi [quote/]

I'm glad to hear that this Hot & Cold is normal for the position we're in.<P>I guess it could be guilt, but he hasn't admitted that he's doing anything wrong. He blames all our trouble on me. He believes my "jealously" of his "friendship" is the problem. He thinks our life would be fine if I would just accept his "friendship" with OW.<P>Of course he might be feeling guilty about the physical part of the fight and/or his statement that he was withdrawing ALL support (financial & emotional) from me.<P>I hadn't thought of this before, but maybe he is starting to see that he's not my #1 priority anymore. <P>Keo

My H is the same. When I hear the other women quoting their H's, and they say the SAME things like my H, it's almost difficult to process. My H hasn't admitted that he's doing anything wrong eider, he blames all our trouble on me, and he 'believes my jealously' of his "friendship" is the problem...