Well an update...I think we are making progress although sometimes it is very hard. My H and I have been talking and talking. Spent the day with him yesterday helping with filing, yes OW was there, and I got the feeling that it made her very uncomfortable. I was invading 'their' space. Had a few tense moments at lunch, but no LB's just sharing some honest feelings. Later found a letter that H had written to me, it really moved him and made him think. Told me that he was not being realistic thinking that everyone could be happy with the situation, that he also knew that it was very hard to 'share' yourself with more than one person emotionally. I think that more and more the reality of the situation is sinking in and he is realizing that choices are going to have to be made. Over the weekend he was very different, called me by my nickname that he has for me, hasn't done that for a long time. I don't know, maybe it is wishful thinking but I feel like something is happening. He still gets this 'mad' streak going sometimes, and I just let him talk. It seems that he soon wears out and the rational, loving person that he is returns, it is like Jekyll and Hyde sometimes though. In any event I feel like a turning point is coming in the future, I just hope that he realizes EVERYTHING that has to be done ,ie transferring out of that office. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it. So your opinions please, for those who have gone through this, does this sound like some progress on our part?

I neeed more information on your situation. Are you two still living together? Has he told OW that it is over? How long has it been since discovery?

I agree, more info needed. However, sounds like you are doing a successful Plan A, and being very patient with it. <P>I think what you described is indeed progress. Yet, progress in these matters comes in small doses. The next day you may wonder if any progress was made at all the day before and if things are worse. That's the rollercoaster effect. But any signs of progress is good. The idea is that you keep doing Plan A, exactly what you are doing, and let those small doses of progress slowly but surely turn into an everyday, all day occurance. That may take a lot of time and patience, and there will likely be major backslides on the rollercoaster, but it is very doable.<P>Remember, the only people who get hurt on rollercoasters are the people who jump off.<P>SamH

To Trying 2 4 give: It would probably be easier to go to my original post in the 'Just found out' titled infidelity and then to the questions post on the 27th of January than to try and explain this whole thing. Yes we are living together, that is not even an issue. I found out on the 16th of January. No he has not talked about it being over with the OW that I know of. It is an emotional affair...his needs/her needs...they deserve this relationship because is makes them happy...no matter threatens 8 other people directly who they vowed at some time to never hurt. Anyway...read on and let me know what you think.