Like ThisAlex, it doesn't seem that this forum is for me, not that there is something better, there is just nothing. I've read the stuff, got the book, practiced, but what can you do if your husband thinks the height of sexual extasty is jerking off with teenagers? Pardon the crudeness, but it is the truth.<P>There is a lot of history here, but I don't know if I can get beyond contempt. <P>To all of you who have given me hope and strength through your stories, I won't list you because I might forget someone..<BR>accept my heartfelt thanks. I, from the bottom of my heart wish you the best life can offer you.<P> One special wish to NSR, thank you for doing so much for so many. Every time you hugged someone, you hugged me, every time you prayed for someone, you prayed for me. <P>I afdmire all of you so much, but I cannot emulate you.<P>Goofbye and God Bless!<BR>

Hanora,<P>I realize that you feel that all is lost, that there is no hope in saving your marriage much less your h from this self destructive behavior.<P>Let me ask you this, if he were to do a 180, would you take him back?<P>My point is that God is able. I've recently understood that my sexual acting out is out of an addiction. Please understand, that is NOT an excuse, in no way does it lessen my sins, but it does help me understand that while I have felt like ((I)) could control it, in fact I could not, I was out of control and I needed help. I wish I had recognized it long before, instead of struggling alone all this time.<P>It's very possible and frankly highly likely that your h has a sexual addiction, based on what you've said. I would suggest that you read, (if the answer to the question above was yes) all that you can about sexual addiction. Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes would be an excellent place to start. Look for him and yourself in the book, then confront him, lovelingly about his behavior in that context. He may, as I believe I was, crying out for help, without saying a word. I deperatly wanted to stop, but the addict in me was too invested in protecting itself to let my tongue say one word.<P>Once your husband recognizes the addiction, which won't be easy, the addict will fight it, deny it, ignore it do anything to protect the addiction. and from what I understand about co-addiction, the partner to the addict, their own behavior, while believing they are trying to help the addict, often actually enables the addict to continue. There is a way that you can love him while not enabling him. Have you ever thrown away his pornography? Or screamed and yelled at him for his behavior? Understandable reactions, but those actions don't help. He will need to be placed in a position where the denial can no longer take place, he simply must see himself. Unfortunatly for many, that means arrest or worse. I thank God I wasn't allowed to go that far. I thank my W for mustering the courage to leave, forcing me to look at myself. (I'm desperatly trying to save my marriage now).<P>God is the healer of all things, he can heal you, your h and your marriage, we need to believe it. There are some incredible success stories about addictive relationships and their recovery. "Back from Betrayal", by Jennifer Schneider, (I think that's her name) is a good one for that, as well as "Don't call it Love", by Patrick Carnes.<P>God bless you,I will pray for you.<P>Repenting<P>------------------<BR>Fear God and you will have nothing else to fear<P>Hosea 3

{{{{{{{{{{<B>hanora</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>hanora</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>hanora</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>hanora</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>hanora</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>The hugs are free...<BR>The advice is free...<BR>The love is free...<P>You know you can come back anytime...<BR>...there is never any ill will here...<BR>...I'll be thinking of you... <P>Moving on is hard to do...<BR>...whether in life... from a "sick" spouse... or from this forum...<P>I encourage to to lurk...<BR><B>but</B>... don't come back to look for the "sad" posts...<BR>...come back for the smiles <BR>...come back for the inspirationals...<P>You know we love you here...<BR>You know we care...<BR>You know we can accept letting go... of even a good person like you!<P>If you think about it, what we are really all about is... building <B>ourselves</B> up first in acceptance...<BR>It's true in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>(by learning to give) and in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>(by learning to accept.)<P>I wish you all best... <BR>Think of this time as a time of acceptance (a kind of Plan B)...<P>Many have gone before you... many will come after you...<BR>But realize in your mind... you are the best <B>you</B> there will every be... and the best can be made better for self, for God, for everyone you come into contact with... <BR>That will bring happiness to you... <BR>Accept that happiness above all!<P>I send you my love and best wishes... <BR>...but most of all send you my {{{{{{{{{{<B>hugs</B>}}}}}}}}}} and prayers! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 29, 2000).]

hanora (if you read this),<P>I'm back at MB- I never really left, I was lurking for a few days.<P>What will you do now? Are you going to sit around while your H masturbates or will try to change things around- sorry to be blunt, but if you are to stay married don't leave as yet- stick around. If you are to call it quits then you need to heal & keep growing. I always recommend a site that has helped me lots: <A HREF="http://www.survivingloss.com" TARGET=_blank>www.survivingloss.com</A> Check it out.<P>Hope you do great & also take care of your health.<P><BR>((((((((((hanora))))))))))<BR>((((((((((hanora))))))))))<BR>((((((((((hanora))))))))))<BR>((((((((((hanora))))))))))<BR>((((((((((hanora))))))))))<P>I'll miss you & always pray for you.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn<p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited February 02, 2000).]

Well This Alex, I have been another lurker.<BR>I have given a great deal of thought to what repenting said and there is a real ring of truth to it.<P>I think, now that I am a bit calmer and can think, that my husband wanted me to find what I did. The man is too sophisticated about computers to not be able to hide things if he wanted to. He actually said that he was glad it had stopped, he had been wanting to stop for some time.<P>We have been doing some major talking, more than we have in years. I have a way to go in understanding him and in making him understand me, but we are trying.<P>My birthday was yesterday, I asked for earrings, nothing expensive. There are boxes of earrings hidden all over the house. We are both afraid, but we are trying.<P>Oddly I was thinking of you earlier. There is a mailing list at Topica called str8s. It is for straight spouses of bi's, gays and lesbians. It's harder to use and I don't really have a feel for it yet, but you might want to check it out.<P>I'll let you know about any progress,<P>Take care, keep well.