After all the problems about Mike and his female ICQ buddys I thought I'd let you all know how it's going.<P>I'm going to be as truthful as I can here, but a lot of you may be disappointed in me.<P>During the uproar about ICQ, I took off my wedding band. I have not put it back on since. I may never wear it again.<P>I have to keep some distance from him emotionally. For the sake of my sanity. He actually thought that I would change my mind about how I feel about the ICQ and about him having friendships with women that didn't include me. Silly man !<P>How we are getting along veries from day to day. The past couple of weeks have been very intense emotionally for me. January is never really easy. My daughter who was still born would have been 21 on the 29th, I got word that one of my cousins was murdered, over $ 10.00 . And my Uncle's cancer has reached the point that he has very little time left.<P>All of this and the problems at home have not left me a very nice person lately.<P>But we're still hanging in there. I think this emotional distancing is the best thing for me right now. I know it makes Mike wonder what is going on with me, but he'll have to deal with that.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb -- I so sorry for you. You have waaaay too much on your plate right now. But the key point in what you said was: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>But we're still hanging in there.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Isn't it amazing how those old "would have been" anniversaries never seem to fade. I experience the same thing every May when I pass the birthday and passing day of my three year old son. Every year I'm thinking, well, he would have been xx this year. And then spend the rest of the day very sad. To top it off, he died one week after his third birthday, so you no sooner get over the birthday, than you have to deal with the death anniversary.<P>Anyway, enough of that. With everything you are dealing with, the emotional "distancing" is probably a very healthy move for you.<P>Take care.<P>--DeWayne--

Deb,<P>So sorry you are having a go with it. My Mom lost two babies. I can not imagine how hard that is. Then on top of that it always seems that deaths come in three.<P>Do take time for you. You are operating on full capacity. If distancing from Mike is what you need than take it. Sometimes it is hard to get stubborn people to listen. It still hurts none the less. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DEB}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]]]

Deb,<P>Detaching ourselves from burdens and cares, that we cannot control or that hurts us, is what we need to do, in order to give ourselves the freedom to enjoy life despite our unresolved problems.<P>It doesn't mean that you don't care. It means that you are learning to love and care without going crazy, or letting it consume you.<P>Release it all to God. In time, painful things, have a way of working out.<P>

Take a deep breath or two...you have a lot to deal with right now. I'm with DeWayne, it is amazing how anniversary dates effect you...our daughter Lauren would be 9 in June...her birth/death date always hits me.<BR>Hugs--<BR>Kathi<BR>

Heartpain,<P>DeWayne, you might want to check out "A place to remember " on the net. It is a site for parents who have lost children during pregnancy to 3 years. It has helpd me a lot. <P>Paha,<BR> You keep hanging on , If I can do this then I know you can !<P>NoTrust,<P>You are still wise beyond you years my friend. If it hadn't been for you I would have never found this place and would have probabaly lost my mind !<P>Sweetpea,<P>I can't believe this, I named our daughter Jamie Michelle. Have you been to "A place to remember" ? It is great for people who have lost children. There are so many there who need to hear from those of us who have lived through this.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Kam,<P>Check out the site I mentioned to Sweetpea and DeWayne. it does help and there are so many people there that are just starting the journey down that road.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb - you hang in there, and do what you need to do to get by, emotional distancing or whatever.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>Lori

Deb,<P>So sorry to hear of your pain. I though your h understood ? I don't understand how he could still be so insensitive. I guess it like all the other betrayers, at this particular time all they are thinking of is themselves.<P>Take time for yourself and rest and heal.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

{{{{{{{{DEB}}}}}}}}<BR>I'm sorry that you are having down times again/still. You are in my thoughts every day, and I was wondering how things were/are going. <P>I'm getting better every day. I'm adjusting to the idea of the divorce. I'm getting on with my life, and looking at the positive changes that are happening. It seems that there are more positives than negatives now. <P>Keep in touch. I miss seeing you around here.<P>Thoughts & Prayers always,<BR>Butterfly<BR>aka Dawnetta <P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

{{{{{{{{{{DEB}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm sorry you are having down times again. I think about you a lot, and have been wondering how you are doing. I'll send you the fryin' pan if you need it... maybe it will work on Mike. <P>I'm getting better with each day. I'm adjusting to the fact that I will be single again soon, very soon. I've been working on being good to me, and getting on with my life. I've been focusing on the positives, and there seem to be more positives than negatives. I'm happy again (for the most part).<P>Keep in touch, I've missed you.<P>Thoughts & Prayers Always,<BR>Butterfly<BR>aka Dawnetta :P<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Deb, I've missed you as well.<P>Sometimes healing takes place slowly. I'm not wearing wedding rings either. I see them on my finger and think sad thoughts.<P>I'm not in a good enough place to brighten you up sooo:<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Deb}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)

sorry to hear things are at a low plateau for you deb.<BR>i havent worn a ring in well over a year, and when he tossed me in the corner the other day, my ring finger got all bruised and swllen, so now a ring wouldn't even fit. a sign, perhaps?<BR>i really hope bozo wakes up soon and treats you right

Deb,<BR>I understand and feel what you are going through. My W gets that way around the anniversary of her grandmother's death. I would have thought she would have had similar felings about the miscarriage between our boys. I think of it often wondering what she would have been like. In my heart, I feel it was a girl.<P>Let Mike know as much as you are comfortable with letting him know. It will go a long way towards helping the healing process. Sharing makes it feel much better. You might have to tell him specifically that you just want him to listen and hold you, etc.<P>MONDO HUG!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Thanks guys.<P><BR>Lori,<P>I'm hanging, I'm hanging.<P><BR>Bob,<P>No my h does NOT understand at all. He doesn't want to understand. He read all the replys to the first 2 posts I made about that and still thinks I am wrong. Oh well such is life.<P><BR>Butterfly,<P>I am so sorry things have reached this point,<BR>hey if he prefers twinkys to steak thats his loss !<P><BR>Lor,<P>I just read you thread and will respond later, when I'm in a better mood.<P><BR>lWb,<BR>I don't want to make you angry with me, but... your h should get on his knees daily and thank God he's not mine ! If he were he would wake up one day to find himself tied to the bed and me standing over him with a pipe asking if he wanted me to start beating him at his head or his feet !<P>Can you tell I have a real problem with men throwing women around ?<P>Rob,<P>I can't talk to Mike about anything. He thinks that I should just let it all go. The man has no clue.<P>I suggest you also go to "A place to remember, there are other fathers there too.<P>My daughters birth/death day is the only one I have a real problem with.<P>you hang in there too Rob.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

deb, i was glad to see your update even though it was not where i have prayed your marriage would be. H and I are also just hanging in there, i have been just hanging for nearly 4 years now so i understand how hard it is when our H's just don't care enough to get it. I have been passing on many of your Prayers that avail much posts, they have been a blessing to many thank you for taking the time to do so...... keep hanging on, just like doing chin ups everytime you pull up God builds you up, but it gets tireing and we need to rest before we can assert ourselves again... bless you!!

Deb,<P>Thinking of you tonight. Gosh...you are dealing with an awful lot right now. Sorry about your cousin and most especially about your Uncle's cancer, That is such a terrible thing for him and you and the rest of his family to have to live through. Although, I have never lost a child, I had 2 miscarriages. These angels are very special to me. My heart goes to you and the others here who have lost a child you held in your arms.<P>Yes, this is a rough time for you. All the more reason to give the marriage efforts a break and spend some time on Deb. Try to do something...anything that is meaningful to you...to be EXTRA nice to yourself this weekend. You surely deserve to be treated as <B>special</B> as you are!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

lizam,<P>Your kind words mean so much to me thank you.<BR>Believe me I was hoping things would be better than this by now too. Ah well 2 steps forward and 3 back seems to be par for the course for us. I am still trusting God for this marriage, I have to, I can't fix it.<P>Desiree<P>I recommend "A place to remember " for you too. When you have a miscarriage it IS losing your child. No matter how early in the pregnancy that child is still a part of you , and it hurts.