Yesterday was our anniversary and what a disaster. He went out for lunch with OW! I was devastated. I lost it in the shower and he got upset, but asked me if I thought that he didn't love me and suggested that we go out. All I could think about was the two of them out on OUR day, so the dinner was not good. I feel like I am at my breaking point and I don't know what to do anymore. I told him that I could not accept what he wants, that it is just not possible. He says that he understands how I feel, but I keep thinking yes he knows how I feel so why is he doing this to me when he knows how much it hurts. I guess this is just one of those bad times, but I can't seem to be happy when I know that the two of them are together and I can't show him all the love and joy I have when I am so miserable. It seems that all we talk about is this stuff and it seems like it gets us no where. Sometimes it seems like he is thinking rationally about things and then he swings the other way and I think that he would honestly leave us for her. He says that my not accepting it makes it very hard for him to accept my love for him. Is this a usual reaction by someone in an EA? And then he says that maybe this is just a phase that he is going through! I jsut don't understand this. What should I do when it gets like this...just not talk about it? I guess I should focus on positive things not the negative feelings that I have. But the thing is is that I am getting really angry now at the both of them. How can they think that they can have it all? I guess I need to just focus...show him the love not the anger. Help, it is not easy!!

That's the thing that's always puzzled me about Plan A: how, when you've GOT to be seething with anger and as unhappy as you've ever been because of your husband's betrayal, are you supposed to present the same loving, giving, trusting, buoyant persona you had BEFORE betrayal? I think anyone who can do that deserves an academy award. What do you DO with the anger?? Will be watching for whatever advice you get.

Victoria--<P>I read a few of your earlier posts to get caught up on the situation.<P>Suggestion: Send him a bouquet of flowers. OW will either have to go up front to retrieve it for him, or will certainly see it, right? On the card (instruct the florist NO envelope), put something like "Darling, thank you for our anniversary night. You were so giving despite the little bumps in the road! I love you." He may think you've done this because of your bad mood that night and you're being sweet; she may think hmm, what's this? And it just might cause a little friction between them with you the total innocent. <P>What do you think?

Lucks,<BR>I made him a cross stitch picture and matted/framed it myself. He took it to his office to hang on the wall. I figure that it will be a constant reminder of my love, and establish my presence in his office as well.At least that is how I hope he sees it.

Your H is at an EXTREMELY SELFISH place right now. Totally lost in fantasy. Does he honestly think anyone could live with sharing the person they love. If you want your H and it's obvious that you do, it's time to tell him to get his head out his A$$ and wake up to reality! After you have alittle outburst, it will make you feel better, and then you can go on doing Plan A. It is unrealistic for people to think that you can suppress anger and it be normal. It is not normal! People need to get angry when they are not treated properly and it is certainly unhealthy to keep it all inside. Yes this site is good for letting us vent, but there is just so much help that TYPING can give a person.