My wife told me about her affair nearly 4 months ago. Life has been a living hell for a year but even more so in the past 4 months. She has a lot of anger directed at me and says that she doesn't have any desire to make our marriage work. We are still together because of our two children and because I still want her. I am confident that the affair is over but she apparently still has some feelings for the other person I think since she can't seem to have any feelings for me. The other person (I won't call him a man because I don't think he is much of one) is married and has four young children. I think he is a predator who purposely set out to seduce my wife (although she is certainly not without fault). I think he has probably done this before and will do it again. He has not confessed to his wife. The only reason I haven't told her yet is to protect my wife and children. I am now very close to telling her, not only because I think she deserves to know but because I want to hurt him. Any advice?

From my own personal experience, I wouldn't do it! It is so tempting but not worth it. I called the ow's husband and I actually felt worse after talking to him. To the point that I was almost hysterical. I had to call a counselor just to help me get a perspective on what I did. The worst thing was, he and his wife were supposedly working on their marriage and I trashed whatever hope they had of doing that. Which in turn pushed my husband to be with the ow several times after. Then the other night, the ow's husband called me and was very distraught. He had just learned from his wife that my husband had left me. He was suicidal and making threats against his wife and my husband. This was terrifying for me! My husband has moved out and I don't want this man knowing where he is. So, really, it is a huge mess! Now, my husband is off trying to get his life back together and I am stuck here dealing with the mess.<P>Also, I posted a message asking for the very same advice as you. Pretty much everybody told me not to do it. But, I just sort of snapped one day and called him up and I still regret it to this day. Now when my phone rings, I am afraid it will be him. I had to hang up on him the last time he called.<P>I hope this helps. It is a tough situation we are all in. I really wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. It is awful! Just hang in there and be glad that your wife isn't seeing the man anymore. That was what actually pushed me to do it, the fact that my husband wouldn't quit seeing the ow. Plus, she was getting away with murder and I did want to see her suffer. But, now that I look back at it, it really only made me look bad. <P>Just take care and keep posting here when you feel the urge to do something crazy! That is what I am trying to do!<P>~Woozy

I know if someone had known about my wifes affair, I wish they would have told me. From that perspective, it would be good to tell his wife. On the other hand, if your doing it to hurt the other man, it may come back to haunt you. Your wife may also see it as you interferring and hold it against you. <P>If it were me, I would tell.

If you truly want your marriage to work, then you must (as hard as it is) stay totally away from the Om and his wife. Don't even talk about it unless your wife brings it up, and even then, just listen and empathize with her (it's damned tough, but necessary).<P>Mention anything to the other man or his wife and your wife will almost surely leave you permanently. Like it or not, right now that is her private space, and she and only she alone can make it go away permanently.<BR>Interference is sure death.<P>SamH

I know exactly how you feel. I have the same urge to tell the OW's husband as well, but I have to be very careful. From what I understand he is in a "club" that relies heavily on retribution and I don't know where that will be directed, so for me I can't do that. I know you want the OM to suffer, and maybe his wife does deserve to know. Just make sure before you do anything that you think through all the possibilities and consequences of that action. I know how you are hurting. My H is still seeing his OW. If I could just get him to promise not to we might have a chance. Best of luck to you!!!