<BR>For those of you who have been with me the past couple of days, it has been rough and thank you for all your help. This is all about my H telling me he is not in love with me anymore and then I find out he has been seeing my bro's fiance. <BR>Well, he started staying at her house last night, on the couch, not in the bedroom with her. He says that they have not been intimate and not sure if they want to cross that bridge yet. The things that I am really confused about are: my bro's fiance was crying to him (my bro) last night asking him if she wanted him back would he take her and he said yes!..Then, he took her out for breakfast this morning and she told him she is so confused and not even sure if she wants to be with my H. My H tells me that they love each other. I think they love this whole fantasy. He came over today to see my son and all he could do is cry..I know that this is hurting him so much. My son and him are so close and my son is starting pull away a bit. I went and saw a counselor today it helped me somewhat. She told me I am on the verge of going into a serious depression. We were able to figure a few things out about my H and I. After I left there I called him at her house and asked if I could pick him up and talk to him, he said sure. I brought him to our home and apologized for pushing him away lately and so on. He told me he accepted my apology, but, don't expect him to come home right now. He told me for now, it is over between us. I asked him in time, does he think we can get back again, and he said maybe. In time, we will have to see. He then told me that he is not even sure it is going to work out bewtween him and the OW. And that if it doesn't, oh well, he will move on. He told me she asked him last night if she were to go back with my bro, would he be hurt? He told her yes, but, he would go on with his life.<BR>Is is just me, or do the two of these people sound like they are really confused right now????<BR>I need some help on what to do.My poor son cannot stop crying. He misses his daddy so damn much, that it is killing me inside!!!.<BR>I know that it is killing my H just as much. My son called him a while ago and when he was done talking, I got on the phone with him and he was hysterical. What does all of this mean?? Will my husband just finally give in and come home??. I told him I will do everything in my power to have him come back to us..Then he tells me, if things don't work out with him and the OW, we can maybe try dating. Then he said if it does happen, it won't be right away. I really think that the OW is having second thoughts with all of these things she is saying.....Please I need help here!!!>...I am dying inside....

I don't know what to tell you. Just that I will pray for you and your H to have wisdom and also for your son. It sounds like he at least has some morals deep down inside.<P>And at least there appears to be hope that the OW may get out of the picture soon. That's what I wish would happen for me. <P>Good luck, my prayers are with you.

You know what Tucci, I think that the four of you all need to sit down, maybe with a mediator and have a long talk and get some things straight. I wouldn't noramlly recommend this, but this involves other family members. I don't know what the hell they are thinking right now but they have to be suffering from some sort of insanity. This clearly shows your brother that his fiance' is not yet ready for marriage. As for your H, if you love him and want this to work, then you need to start Plan Aing immediately. Tucci, this can cause a lot of issues in your family, not only between you and your brother, but you're entire immediate family. I wouldn't suggest telling any of the other family members at this time. But I really do think that the four of you need to come together asap and address this head on. I may be wrong, but it's just an opinion. Maybe some of the others can give you more sound advice. Just know that you are in my prayers and thoughts. <P>By the way it's the weekend, so it's kind of slow getting replies. <BR><P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>we can maybe try dating. Then he said if it does happen, it won't be right away. ....</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This might be a blessing in disguise. It could be your opportunity to avoid the daily LB's. If he wants to return to the dating relationship, think of ways to deposit lots of Love Units in his love bank on dates. He originally fell in love with you “dating”, maybe it’s time for history to repeat itself.<P>I know this is not much help. I wish I had some great wisdom to send your way, but if I had that wisdom, then I wouldn’t be here having troubles with my marriage.<P>

<B>Tucci</B>,<P>I have to agree with <B>jamie-lee</B> that you need to start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<P>It is important that your H see a consistant implementation of... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan A: Avoid angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, selfish demands, annoying behavior and dishonesty (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of SAA)...<B>and</B> at the same time, if your spouse would let the you, you should try to meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>. (page 77 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The one place I would disagree (and I mean no offense jaime-lee... honest) is having a meeting with all 4 of you. You need to focus on just <B>you and your H</B>. Bringing in your brother and the OW makes it appear that decisions made are mutually acceptable to all... and that their(brother's and OW's) decisions should impact you!... and this cannot be. It's only <B>your</B> relationship with your H that should matter... and your H should see <B>that</B> is your <B>only</B> concern. The relationship between your brother and the OW... or for that matter your H and the OW... should be avoided as much as possible. Let your H see all you care about is <B>you and he</B>! That's <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>You're in my prayers as well. <P>Jim

No offense taken Jim. <P>Tucci, you may want to consider Jim's advise because I didn't think of it from this perspective. Jim hit it on the nail, when he said that "you should let your H see that all you care about is you and he." <P>I think I was thinking more along of the lines of the resentment that your brother may have against your H in the long run if his realtionship did not work out. But you have to do what's right for your family. And when you marry you become one with your H. The Bible says that one must leave his father and mother and cleave to their spouse. And this goes for all family members. Your H and children must come first. So start the plan A as soon as possible.<P>And Jim if you happen to be reading this, thanks for shedding light on this sitation. I can see clearly now that my emotions are settled. I was just thinking... What nerve, you know! <P><P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Thank you all for some insight. I am just so damn confused and hurt that I don't know what to do anymore. He is staying at her house on the couch and I know it is just a matter of time before they are intimate, if they haven't already been. This whole situation just makes me sick to my stomache. <BR>To make things worse, he took my son for a few hours today and we had an agreement for now, he is not to bring my son to her house. Well, instead, she went with them to my father in laws house!!!!..My son came home so upset because they were holding hands and he saw them kiss. This should not be done in front of him. He is only 6 years old. He doesn't understand.<BR>Then, my bro's fiance tells my bro today that she is really not sure about staying with my H...She is confused and feels like she is being pulled in different directions. She also said because of this, she has lost everyone!!! Well,boo hoo!!...My H told one of his friends last night that he can tell she is starting to have doubts!.I wish they would wake up and see the pain they are causing everyone, especially my son!!!!!!!!!!

How awful Tucci! I have a little boy too, and I can just imagine how terrible you must feel. These people sound poisonous to me, and every cell in my body is screaming 'BEWARE' and 'KEEP AWAY'!<P>I agree with Jaime-Lee and Jim -- no love-busters definitely. It can only make things worse for everyone, especially your little boy. And an open willingness to meet his emotional needs makes sense, but I have this sense that caution is in order. He is behaving so disrespectfully, and is exposing your son to so much confusion, it seems very dangerous to me. This could just be my own history speaking, though. I'm hardly objective on this one (my son is from a previous marriage). Good luck with this.