Well i haven't been on here since W left two weeks ago. She is staying with her brother and i have the kids most of the time she takes them a couple times a week. She still doesn't know what she wants and doesn't know how long this is going to take.<P>I made her come over last Sunday night cause i couldn't take the lies and deception any longer. She started denying things and than i told her i knew the truth. I said just tell me the truth that is all i ask no matter how much you think it will hurt and she told me she will and she did on a couple of occasions this week. She tells me it is stell an emotional thing no physical but she has seen him a lot more these past two weeks. I know it takes time but damn this is hard. She is thinking about getting her own place but i don't know how we would afford it it is tight now and a second place would mean more bills. <P>I still see her almost everyday cause of the kids,car, and daycare situation. i am still sleeping on the couch i just can't get myself to go to that empty bed and she knows i'm not. This is so weird, the way things are. The kids still don't know but it is just a matter of time before my 3 year old puts things together. She did tell her family this week cause i told her it was getting hard for me to lie to them and she said it wasn't fair to me. I haven't told my family yet, i just still have hope she wake up one day and realize how crazy this is and what we have together. How do you cope? I am afraid i am going to start hating her, or not want her to come home. I am starting to think that if she is gone much longer than a couple more weeks than when she does want to come home i am going to ask her that it be totally over with OM even though its just a friendship and switch jobs cause she sees him everyday at the job. What do you think?<P>How long do you PLAN A, and how do you fulfill an emotional need like humor when you really just aren't funny. It seems like she likes him a lot cause everything is a joke to him and that is how he deals with everything.<P>Derek

My suggestion...ask her to come home bcs you care about her and want a chance to work on what you need to do to make her happy. Then, if she gives you that chance don't ask or bring up the other man...just work on restoring good feelings between the two of you (see Plan A). If you can start to restore her feelings for you--which can be done--there will be time to have other discussions (in a non-LB way) later. The first task is to make her realize she still has/can restore good feelings for you.<BR>My H still has feelings for the woman (co-worker) his emotional affair was with...but I do see his feelings for me coming back, and think there is a future...<BR>Good luck-<BR>Kathi

Glad to hear from you again. I have been wondering how you are doing.<P>I like Kam's suggestion of asking her to come home to work on your marriage. Tell her you love her etc. Ask her to give you a chance. And I do think you have a right to ask her not to see the OM socially if she does this. You may not be able to do much about the work situation now. Asking her to quit now may push her over the edge so you do need to be careful. If things work out you should insist on this down the road.<P>Please also do not try to turn yourself into the OM by being what you think she likes about him (being funny). She fell in love with you at one point for who you are. Be true to yourself and maybe that will help win her back. Personally, I think humor can wear this after a while. Let's hope this is true of you W too.<P>Hang in there.<P>Acacai<P>

Thanks for the suggestions,but don't you think asking her to come home will be a lovebuster. She says she needs her space to work on herself and that she didn't like the depression was having at home and how it was affecting me and the kids. I told her that i can handle it and help her through it but she isn't ready. She really has strong feelings for this guy. She did come over my parents for a little while tonight to make it look like everything was ok. She seemed a little depressed and kind of gave me a hug before she left which was a surprise to me since i have been the one that intiates any contact between the two of us like hugs and holding hands.<P>any other suggestions?<P>Derek

well she was a little confusing today, she talked about things we are going to do to the house in the future and other future things, we had a pretty good weekend, she went to my dad's bday party helped get the gift and wrapped it, i thanked her for covering this weekend, i also got her a purple rose and left it in her car, i don't know why i got it, i was afraid it might be a lovebuster cause she might think i'm pushing, she asked me what it was for and i said i saw it in the store and i just had to get it for her, she thanked me. <P>Any ideas or insights welcomed?<P>Derek