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#845102 02/05/00 07:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 8
C
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C Offline
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 8
Bill Ferguson talks about Learning to Let Go at his website <A HREF="http://www.divorceasfriends.com." TARGET=_blank>www.divorceasfriends.com.</A> Just wondering what anyones thoughts are to how to respond to the question, "I want a divorce" or "I want you to move out" as it relates to keeping with a Plan A and not love busting. I'm afraid I might have to face this question (again) soon. Although she is still in the house and we are going through the motions (she is deciding whether to stick it out). So... I'm thankful to God for that. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Joined: Sep 1999
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<B>Confused&Tired</B>,<P>For the most part... if your doing a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... it is best that your W stay home...<P>According to the book...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan A: Avoid angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, selfish demands, annoying behavior and dishonesty (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of SAA)...<B>and</B> at the same time, if your spouse would let the you, you should try to meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>. (page 77 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Clearly... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> can be <B>much</B> easier to avoid if your <B>not</B> libing together...<P><B>BUT</B>... the converse is also true...<P>Meeting the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> then become <B>so very</B> difficult.<P>That's why you will here arguments for both sides...<P>Personally, I feel that the meeting of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>... <I>for my situation</I>... is more important. Alas, my W moved out before I found MB! A <B>very</B> good <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> should keep her home... unless she, herself, has built up her new fantasy world to such an extreme level that she rejects you meeting her <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<P>Some more insight can be found at a few "<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>" threads you can see on the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000013.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A>!<P>Best Wishes...<P>Jim

Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 3,247
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C&T - Hi. I don't know the best thing to say, but I know what I did. I said, "If you need to go, just go knowing that I love you." And I hugged him goodbye. So, my Plan A was long distance for months, with just limited opportunity to fill his EN. But the distance WAS good for me and for him, I think. That's in THIS case though. Everyone is different.<P>The point is, either way, you can successfully implement Plan A. And sometimes, I think it's easier to grow and DEFINITELY easier not to LB when you're not together. However, like Jim said, separation has it's downfalls.<P>Good luck to you. In whatever you choose to do.<P>Lori


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