In my last post I asked how you could repair something so badly damaged. I now realise that for me and my husband it just cannot be repaired. <P>My marriage has irretrievably broken down and I no longer want to even try to fix it. I have had a guts full. I am sick of the verbal abuse that I now receive everytime I try to talk about anything that he does not like. Our son is not allowed home at all while he is there. He verbally abuses him all the time. My son detoxed from methadone and is now back using. <P>I attended my counselling session and my cousellor advised me to put the affair behind me and not to work so hard on my relationship with my husband but to work at bringing me back to who I used to be. I let my son home last night as he has nowhere to go at present and I wanted to feed him. My husband went into the biggest rage and called me a mental c**t and an evil cow and told me he was going to leave me in the next couple of weeks and do you know what, kind folks, I looked at this man and thought NO MORE. I have had it, he has turned this all round and made out that I have caused the breakdown of our marriage and that it was my fault that he went overseas and had an affair with my friend.<P>I looked at my side of the bed and there next to it is 17 self-help books on improving me. 17 bl**dy books and do you know what guys at his side of the bed there is one book and it is about motorbikes. Yip. I have been in counselling, I have been going to all the parent help groups for drug abuse. He has not attended once or even thought of counselling although in his effort to get me to give him another chance he promised to seek help regarding what he did. He tells me to take my pills (Zoloft) and to get a life. He ignores me, even after I have stated that I find this to be childish and demeaning on his part. If he upsets any of his friends he is round to there place instantly apologising to them, but he forgot his daughters wedding rehersal and he still has not apologised to her for that. <P>This is his third mess. Each time was when he worked away from home. The first one was 23 yrs ago when I was pregnant with my son. I found out about that three years later. The second one went into a full blown romantic affair with me being left with my two kids and him going back and forward for over a year. I would not have anything to do with him and got my career going and took of overseas with my kids so that he couldn't bother me all the time. When I came back strong and determined he went all out for six months to win me back. The last one was over 4yrs ago and I found out last year. I am a fool and I have been fighting my instincts to run because my daughter was getting married. I have been up and I have been down. NO MORE for me. I just want peace in my life. My son is trying to get into detox at the moment and I am letting go there too, I am letting him fight for himself now. <P>It is down to survival and that is what I am going to do. I let my husband put his name on the title to my house in the middle of last year and my kids think it was the biggest mistake of my life as he said that I should move out until he does. <P>I lost my home because of his second affair and I do not intend to lose this one. The odds are stacked too high against me at the moment but I will come through this as I am determined to get some sort of normality in my life and I refuse to be put down for something that I did not do any longer. <P>This is a shocking situation and I feel my life has been in limbo for such a long time now. The circle must be broken and the only one that can do it is me.<P>FET<P>------------------<BR>Make each day count.

WHOA, am I sad and upset for you. You have been thru h*ll and back. You are so strong and I wish I were that strong. I am just begining the dance and am a lousy dancer. <BR>I agree I see it as completely broken and not sure how to fix it or why you should. <BR>But keep in mind I am not coming from the same place as you, and I don't mean Australia. I feel with you becoming so strong and takeing care of yourself first your going to make it!!! Let us know how it goes,but make him go. He seems to be the poster boy for the saying "Once a cheater always a cheater." <BR>I also have a tendency to get up on my High Horse,( american saying) and tell people what I think all the time. Trouble is I'm <BR>really allergic to horses.... <BR>I am praying for your Sons recovery as well as yours.<P>------------------<BR>Peg

I am so sorry! Your counselour's advice sounds good at this point. <BR>Prayers & hugs--<BR>Kathi

I am so sorry for the pain that you must feel at this point. My prayers are with you. I sense you are a very strong woman who has tried to make her marriage work despite enormous odds. Listen to your heart and take it one step at a time. God is with you.

Forevertrue,<P>My sympathies are with you. If you get a chance, read my two posts today, one is update on H and losing PC, and one is something about when do I send my kids to meet the OW who wrecked my marriage. You can get an idea of my living h*ll too.<P>Reading your post, about how this has happened a few other times, and how you lost your house. It kind of was a shocker to me. This is my first dealings with affairs and all. My H is totally destroying me, physically, mentally, financially and emotionally. When I read your post, it was like a slap in the face. I wonder if my H too is going to wind up like this. <P>I am aware of drug addictions and what you are dealing with. It can take a lot of strength,but you are doing right by caring for your son. Any mom would agree with you. Focus on the most important things right now, your health, your son's well being and keeping your house.<P>As far as you adding the name to the house, can you call a lawyer and see what is possible, I am not positive, but just say you added his name 3 months ago, and he moves in 3 months. Say you owned the house years before. When you sell, you may only have to share half of the equity from those six months if you can somehow prove when he left (change of address results, drivers license address, something). Just because you added him recently may not mean he has a full claim to it. But also, should he owe debts, now those creditors may be able to lien on the house. I worked at a bank and have seen this. Call a lawyer real quick and set yourself up for the worst just in case, especially if you lost a house once.<P>Let me know if you find my posts. Prayers go out to you and your son. He has a rough road ahead, he too doesn't need this stress on him. Prayers are with you.

I would like to thank everyone that posted a reply to me.<P>Peggy - I loved the expression Poster Boy for "Once a Cheater always a Cheater". Sad but true.<P>Kam6318 - Thank you, your prayers are most welcome. Infidelity as they say is the gift that keeps on giving.<P>db713 - I am taking it a minute at a time. I am trying to focus on the positives in my life at present. ie My family, my dog, my home and the environment around me. I live close to a National Park and the huge gum trees are awesome.<P>lonelymom - Thank you for your advice regarding my home. This home - I fell in love with the area and my husband wanted to move country again and I did not so I bought the house in my own name. I have a good job and a small home based business so I am pretty self reliant financially. I will fight tooth and nail to keep this house as I have never loved a home as much as this one and I have had many. <P>My son's addiction is the biggest tragedy in our life. I love this young man and I am at present working very hard with a parent group to learn new skills in this area so that I can help him and others. My daughter is leaving to go overseas with her husband's job for two years. I am sad and happy for her. Sad that I will lose her and happy that she is being given opportunities to travel. I have done a lot of travelling with and without my kids. I love it but I don't want to live anywhere else but here. <P>I stayed at my daughters last night and I intend to stay there for the next two nights and then go home as my H is going sailing for two days. So in all I will not have to see him for 5 days and I will be stronger by then. I refuse to be spoken to like that anymore.<P>FET<P>