I have been reading all the info I can concerning plan B. I have been div. for 2 1/2 yrs, and am trying to restore my marriage if poss. My ex and I have infreq conversations,There is OW, who was cause of divorce, but they have no plans for marriage, eventhough they have lived together since divorce. I did not know about Plan A and B till this past week, but the way I have acted since the divorce, it looks like I have gone between both of these frequently. The way things last ended with my ex,I unkowingly instituted Plan B, but not with the type of letters I've seen written here... My question, ,,Iknow I'm not to have contact with him, but what about activities that include our minor daughter. We will be attending her soccer banquet in a couple of weeks and we are the only divorced couple on the team. The last two yrs. we sat together with my daughter between us--the OW does not attend. Do I continue to follow this rule, or do I sit at another table? What about conversations?Do I make polite conversation or ignore him? He does call the house freq. for my daughter and usually she answers the phone but on occ. she has not been here.I just state I'll have her call and then I hang up . Is this what you mean by no contact. I know my chances are not great, but I do want to make every effort. As I look back on how you are supposed to act during divorce to help in getting your mate to return, I did everything you are not supposed to do. I don't even know if my ex would take me seriously, because I was so emotionally distraught and it has taken me a long time to get over all the anger and hurt and not cry everytime I talked or saw him. I feel he now perceives me as a weak, whiny woman, which I know I'm not. I know this is long, but I'm open to any advice.

db<P>Well,<P>First off go to the newcomers page and learn all about the basic principles and Plan A and B. Check NSR's post's he is the resident expert.<P>Second, it seems like you are in a modified Plan B, obviously you can not stop all contact since you see each other because of the child. <P>I must ask, what do you want? After 2.5 years, do you still love this man, and wnat to work on the realtionship?<P>I do not think I would have that much patiance.<P><BR>

db713:<P>You need to read further and try to understand the purposes of Plan A and B. <P>Plan A is an attempt to change your behaviors, to make the marriage a better place. It's got to be changes that your spouse will notice (not easy during an affair). Elimination of lovebusters is the primary goal. Meeting emotional needs that your spouse will allow is the second goal. You must be consistant---you have to prove to your spouse that you can change, and that they ought to reconsider the marriage.<P>Plan B is after a good plan A effort. It protects your remaining love for your spouse with the "no contact". <P>If you've done a lot of lovebusting, or if you haven't done a good plan A, then a Plan B to your (ex)spouse will elicit the "thank God she's gone" response.<P>It seems to me that any hope you have (however small) would be through a consistant application of plan A. You can be loving and kind to him without being desparate, whiny, fawning, or weak. That would be my guess for your best shot.<P>