Please help me with this! My H has been having an affair since July and I have known about it from the start. He now says he loves her but yet he still loves me and wants to keep us both! I have seen a counseler and I am on an antidepresant and I think I have reached my limit. My H goes every Thursday to spend time with her and one day on the weekend with her. He says I am not to have sex with him on wednesdays so he can have enough for her, and of course when he gets home at 11:30 Thursday nights I don't get any either. He says I can have Monday nights, so nothing Sunday nights so he can build up for me! I have told a couple close friends and their advice is get out. But I also have two children to think about and I am a full time student and have very little money to support myself and the children. My H says he won't give her up, I asked him to and he said he can't. He also said If I didn't agree with their relationship that he would leave me. So I feel helpless in this. Any suggestions?<P>------------------<BR>

Welcome <B>sharlene</B>...<P>Your patience with your H is truly remarkable... <P>I have a post of general welcome post I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a short time ago the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR>Staying in the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum will give you the most responses! <P>It sounds like you've been doing what we call a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan A: Avoid angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, selfish demands, annoying behavior and dishonesty (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... whenever/wherever try and meet you H's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> (it seems to mean this <B>is</B> something you've been doing)...<P>do read up on it(<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>)...<P>If in fact this is the case... and there is absolutely no way your H will leave the OW... you may be forced into a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan B: Avoid contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has ended (page 79 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>...in your situation as a basically a SAHM... this may mean a separation... so this should be a last-ditch type decision. I'll give you some legal references... if you need them later.<P>Do get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> and read it!<P>I'd say stay with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> for a short while longer...<P>after you do the reading and research... think of perhaps having a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> ($85US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A>. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>! He can evaluate your situation very fast and very well... and help you make the decision of <B>when</B> to move to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>!<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

Sharlene, Jim is giving great links and advice. <P>First of all, I think you are smart to continue going to school, you need to be doing things to create a future for yourself, with or without your husband, and hopefully it will be with him.<P>His blatant attitude about continuing the relationship with OW is totally disgusting, I agree. I know how worthless you must be feeling, but you are not worthless. And, you are doing the right thing. And, as you realize that you should be proud of how committed you are to your future, your children, and your marriage - you will find that you are NOT worthless, you are INCREDIBLE.<P>Remember that! Remember how incredible you are. Do not forget that. Your true strength in character is being tested - and you are passing that test. When you discuss this with people who don't understand - usually friends and family, they will not think of everything you are doing as incredible. But, from our perspective - you are.<P>Infidelity is one of the worse pains that one person can inflict on another. And for you to withstand this, as hard as it is, is a true test of your personal strength. <P>I think by your husband thinking he is "giving you sex", he feels like he is somehow minimizing his betrayal. Don't think of it this way, or respond in this way - instead think of "you giving him love, and deposits into his lovebank." Maybe he doesn't credit your account, but regardless - the value that you place on your lovemaking is valuable - even if his "bank" isn't honoring it.<P>Think of it as an opportunity to show your husband how much you care, - not just about him, but about YOU, about your children, about your future. <P>

While I agree with TnT and Jim (NSR) , I must add that very few people would pass up the chance to have thier cake and eat it too. As long as he can do this and get away with it he will.<P> I must ask if you are making h use a condom ?<P>If he is having sex with ow and with you, you need to protect yourself. Who knows where ow has been.<P>I have to say you are a stronger woman than I am. There is no way I could plan A in your situation.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Not to perpetuate my image as the resident Plan A Skeptic here, but SURELY to heavens Harley doesn't mean for women to sexually share their husbands with another women (going so far as to schedule your encounters so as not to interfere w/ each other)? That's "Harley," not "Harem"... I understand the rationale behind it and know Plan A is great in theory, but I remain dubious about its success in practice, sorry; it seems like enabling in a lot of cases.

I am in the exact samme position as you are.My husband's OW is abroad and is travelling to see her every 2 weeks.He also says he loves her and will not give her up .<BR>In fact since discovery(October),my pleas and despair have only strengthed and empowered his affair since now they have a commonn cause(To fight all the odds)whereas before he was guilt ridden with the fact of his affair and was tormented by it. I feel my husband is goig through the most intense stages of his affair now and it is going to take all the patience,endurance and strength <BR>I have in me to make home and being with me eventually outweigh the benefits of being with her.It is a battle of two wills and I am not willing her to be the winner.I know what you are going through...I am there as well..Nothing in any book or nothing anyone can say will make him stop his affair.Nothing you say or do will stop it either.Begging,crying,being openly hurt and angry will only push him further to her where he gets his stress free moments.Why should I give him the pain while he gets his pleasure from her?Remember she too will eventually go nuts and there will come a time(Lets pray soon)when she will make demands and ask him to decide between the two of yoy.She too shall cry and complain and cause him stress (I mention this because I asked my H what does she offer that I havent provided and he said 100%stress free times)...Of course when he is seeing her every 2 weeks for a couple of days that is all she can afford to provide<BR>Never in my life i thought I would compromise in a situation like this and be a <BR>willing partner in this charade of his as he adjusts mind,body,heart and time zones to love two women...He is unwilling to give me up as he loves me and cannot stand the thought of losing me and our 2 kids..YET...HE IS UNWILLING TO GIVE HER UP...The exact same words you have used The bottom line is I love him ...and I am not prepared to give him up..I shall try and be as loving as possible although I know I am dying each time he goes to her..It is causing a lot of tension and trauma and we cannot fake the fact that our marriage is not what it used to be..But I am not going to give up..I am waiting for the day that he wakes up from this daze he is in..He told me imagine I am sick or have died as I go through this.<BR>I have no advice for you,only sharing some of the pain you are going through..There are days I feel full of anger and rage,at him and at myself for having to put up with this..The jealousy is also a killer..Yet I try and put myself in her place ..would she shout,scream,demand he stop seeing me??threaten to leave??NO OF COURSE NOT>She is smiling sweetly calmly as she calculates her next move..She is no positon to make demands and she knows it..so she swarms like a vulture aroun the corspse until she can make the correct move..I am not going to be so stupid

Maybe this is a good place for that Plan A discussion/debate?<P>What bothers me about this situation is that sharlene's H is setting all the rules about how this is going to work. "I can't have sex with you on Wednesdays because I have to save it up for her"???? What kind of happy horses**t is this? Does Plan A really apply in this situation?<P>I can see Plan A in a situation where the spouse is conflicted, where he/she says, "I don't know which of you I want." It s*cks, but I can see it. But this has "I want two women in perpetuity" written all over it.<P>It seems to me like this is prime Plan B territory.<P>NSR? K? Anyone?

Sharlene,<P>I'm no expect on relationships but I know what I've been through with my husband. He kept yo-yoing back and forth between the OW and me. He wouldn't make a decision until I started Plan B. Now he is serious thinking about what the future will be like without me. <P>Plan A is very important, I can't stress it enough, but does it need to include sex? I know that you are afraid he will choose the OW and that the thought is unbearable. However, right now he is not with you any way. That takes a long to see, it took me almost 8 months. Right now you are receiving scraps and you deserve more. Talk with your husband about your feelings over the situation. It is possible that he may leave to be with her but you need to do it for you. Keep reading the different postings people make and check out the book list,I think it will help you. It is best to talk to a councellor and to people that are experiencing the same thing you are because other people can never understand the depth of pain, longing, confusion and loneliness involved. I have joined a divorce care group through a local church and would advise you to look for something similar. I am not advocating a divorce. I filed and I regret it. I advised that kind of group because they cover all the emotions that a person goes through during a break in a relationship. My group covers anger, loneliness, depression, kid's and much more. Take care of your needs or the emotions will take over your life.<P>I'll pray for you and your husband.

I think your H knows that you have no source of financial security at this time, so he feels he can do whatever he wants and you won't do a thing about it. THIS MAN NEEDS A SERIOUS WAKE UP CALL! No human should be TOLD that they can either accept OP or leave. And if that is the way he thinks someone would actually want to live then he needs SHOCK THERAPY! HE IS EMOTIONALLY ABUSING YOU, not only by the affair, but by letting you know that you have no other choice because financially you can't do it without him. MAKE A WAY WITHOUT HIM! This is totally disgusting. And I would suggest if you continue to have sex with this man that you INSIST on condoms! He is risking your life and you need to live for YOURSELF and your KIDS!

Quandry, I think you and I are soulmates. <P>Doesn't there ever come a time or a situation where its ok to say "he's a class A jerk! He ain't worth licking your boots" I don't think every affair is "addiction" oriented - I think alot are just plain immaturity and/or bad judgement. Sometimes the penny drops (sometimes later than others), but sometimes they're perfectly happy making others miserable. Doesn't bother them at all. Just as there are people who strive to make themselves "better people" (ie, Mother Teresa) there are those who DON'T. And you can't make someone have compassion, empathy or morals, no matter how much you want to. <P>Stepping down off the soapbox now ... <P>

Thank you to everyone who have responded! I did have an aids test and thank God it was negative. My H OW is the same age as my H 41 I am 35,he thinks they have so much in common because of their ages. We have been married 14 years and my H is a recovering Alcoholic. He has been dry for 5 years. I do think some of this is addiction to her. When he is with her they have quality time just the two of them. Of course when he is here the children are also,so we don't have that quality time. He came home last night at 11:50pm, each time he pushes for a little bit more time. I was so mad last night but I didn't say a thing! She is suppose to come to OUR house tonight so we can all talk! I don't know how I will get through that and Im not sure what Im going to say. At times I want to tell H to get the hell out but then I know she would just love that. Through all this I am trying to keep my sanity. My H also says I can find a boyfriend if I want to!But he says his OW can't have anyone else in her life but him! I don't get it! Its ok for me to screw around but not her? <P>------------------<BR>

Sharlene, what do you seen in him?!? He's nothing but a selfish as*hole. Leave him now. Plan-A Schmlan-A!! No-one should have to put up with that kind of bullsh*t. Do you have parents that you can go to while you try to get back on your feet?<P>--andy

Oh no, I'm sorry but this is where Deb stops trying to be reasonable. <P>Sharlene, You are a human being. H is treating you like a dog ! I can not tell you how furious I am for you right now !<P>Do Not allow this woman into your home !<P>This goes too far ! My h wanted to bring his last ow to our home because "she had nowhere else to go", like I was supposed to care !<P>I called the youth pastor at my church who came and got my son, and waited ! I don't know what would have happened if she had shown up with him but it would not have included plesant conversation. Luckily she decided that coming to my home might put her life in danger and went back to her h.<P>AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH! <P>I'll come back when the smoke stops rolling out of my ears !<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

I'm sorry, Sharlene - not even I can fight for Plan A in this situation...... I'm screaming louder than Deb.<P>Plan A does NOT mean this. I'm sorry, it just doesn't.<P>I just can't say anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Lori

Hi Sharlene:<P>Being one of the resident "Plan A" experts, and having graduated from Steve Harley's tutelage with honors (well… I think so---I never did get my final report card), I'll give you some advice. <P>First, although you probably can't afford it, Steve is an excellent counselor and you should look into it. If you're happy with your current counselor, I'd ask if they're familiar with the MarriageBuilders program, and if you've been following the "Surviving an Affair" protocol.<P>Now, your husband is brazenly having an affair. This seems to horrify EVERYONE on the board here, but it shouldn't. The only thing that's strange about it is that your husband is honest about it (which is a good quality). Otherwise, all affairs are very similar---they put the OP first, they're generally not nice to the betrayed spouse, yada yada. As tnt says, you are not worthless. In fact, it takes a great deal of courage and self-esteem to deal with this situation. You appear to be doing great.<P>How do you feel about your husband? Do you love him? If he ended the affair today, would you want to make the marriage work? These are important issues. <P>How do you think your husband feels about you? Why do you feel he had the affair? Have you identified areas of your marriage that you contributed to that has led to the state it's currently in (lovebusting, not meeting his needs, etc). How does your husband feel about his children?<P>There are lots of different ways to handle this situation (including giving him the boot and a quick divorce). To help you proceed, I'd need to know about how the two of you feel about each other, and whether you have any motivation to stay in the marriage other than the current financial security.<P>I was in a similar situation to yours. Once my wife's affair was discovered, she continued it. Openly. Not quite as callously as your husband is doing, but an affair is pretty callous anyway. If you were to say that you still love your husband, and at one time he was a good guy who loved you and his kids, then I'd discuss "Plan A" with you. That's where you eliminate all "undesirable" lovebusting behaviors towards your spouse. You're changing your behaviors for the benefit of the marriage. You'd also like to make an attempt to meet needs of his that you've been neglecting, providing that he will allow you to do so, and that meeting these needs doesn't endanger your love for him.<P>The issue of sex during an affair is personal. If you're OK with using it as a tool to meet his needs, then great. If it's draining a lot of love from you every time you engage in it with him, then you shouldn't be doing it. And there are the obvious health risks involved. <P>Now, it sounds like you've been doing a "Plan A" since July. That's tough going when you're dealing with what you've been through. I stuck it out in Plan A for about 6 months. But when you feel what remaining love you have for your husband slipping away, and you feel like lovebusting the hell out of him---it's time to move to Plan B. A no-contact separation. This is to protect your remaining love for your husband from his callous, thoughtless, and unmentionable behavior. It's also to allow him to have his needs solely met by the OW, and to have an added dose of reality injected into the affair. But mainly, Plan B is for you---it's self-preservation. There are guidelines for how to execute Plan B in a way that shows you're not giving up on your marriage, or punishing your spouse. If you decide to go that direction, there are people here who can help.<P>My gut reaction is that you're very close to Plan B. <P>If you give some more details of your situation and your motivations, we can try to help further. <P>God bless.<BR>

Sharlene - Your situation sounds very painful for you and I'm sorry for that. It is also just plain intolerable for your H to treat you that way, and I think you need to do something about it.<P>I agree with quandry about the limits of Plan A, having tried it myself for an extended period with very little success. (Actually NO success, if success means getting my W to give up her OM.)<P>You might consider trying this. (On behalf of the men on this forum, I hate suggesting this, since my W's doing it to me because of her affair. But frankly, your H is being a complete jerk in this situation and deserves it.)<P>Instead of letting him control the sex in your relationship (since this seems to be where his focus is right now), YOU control it. And what I am suggesting is that you control it in the following way. Don't give him ANY. Nada. Nothing. Then see what happens. You can tell him it's because you're afraid of disease or whatever, but make it clear to him that he's not getting any from you until he gives her up. Then see what happens!<P>It might sound at first like you'd only be driving him away and closer to her, but I think you might be surprised to see the opposite happen!<P>Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

sharlene, <P>I've been in Plan A for a year. I know what you are going through and as you can tell, there are many folks here who want to help. <P>While I lived through my wife having an affair, there is no way I would tolerate blatant disrespect. Scheduling sexual encounters between you and his OW shows a total loss of respect for you and your marriage. If you let this continue, your husband will see that you will allow this crap and will probably push for you to join him and his OW. <P>My God Sharlene, don't allow this anymore. He is so far gone right now, that he is trying to pull you down with him. Don't allow that. <P>If you love him, I doubt you can get him back by submitting to his bizzare fantasies. He has to know you won't tolerate this. <P>If my wife's OM set foot into my house to discuss how we can share my wife, I don't think he would walk out alive. <P>Pack your bags and your kids bags. Maybe he'll get a dose of reality when you do that. <P>I'm praying for you.<P>SHA <P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

sharlene smith,<P>I gave you the initial welcome message and I am so gald that my friends at the forum have more than just chimed in!<P>Your followup message is more than upseting to me though. I agree there is a concern (<B>K</B> brought that up) here about your H's recovery through alcoholism... But over and beyond that... your H's obsessive need to control you and others is <B>most</B> disturbing. I rarely mention getting in touch with Steve Harley in my welcome message... <B>It is needed</B>! From your first post I couldn't tell if you were still seeing a counselor... if you are not... please consider starting again... and don't rule out Steve Harley.<P>To allow the OW into your house to "talk"... ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!<P>Your "husband??????" has become a master controller...<P>People on the forum know me to be a very calm and for the most part a patient individual...<BR><B>BUT</B>... you need to... I mean <B>NEED</B> to express your feelings toward him about his controlling ways with you and the OW!<P>First... <B>Don't you feel NO conversation about your relationship with your H should include the OW????</B> Whose marriage is this anyway?<P>Second... <B>Do you have no rights to present your own point of view?</B><P>It is <B>NOT</B> a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A> to say to your H... "I feel... whatever".<P>Please re-read everyone replies...<BR>Their concern is genuine... and real...<P>We all like to think of ourselves as somewhat pop-shrinks... your situation requires a professional.... now!<P>We all care about you...<BR>You are the concern... (not <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>)<P>Please ask... No... <BR>tell... your husband... you wish to discuss your relationship with him alone!... <B>NOT</B> to have the OW included!<P>Praying for wisdom and courage...<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited February 04, 2000).]

Everyone has been great! I don't think my H has told OW that I don't agree with this situation. OW and I talked in Nov. and she said that my H told her first that he loved her. He told me it was the other way around, so we both confronted him that night and I told him that he LIED to me and he said it didn't matter who said "I love You" first! He has also told me that OW told him that if he ever left me that she wouldn't be able to trust him not to leave her! I love my H and that is why it is hard for me to make a decsion to leave. He also says he loves me but I find that hard to believe when he loves someone else. My H also says he is "Polamory" I believe this to be crap! Also my counelor is out of town until next week thats why I found this site, Thank you so much!<P>------------------<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NSR:<BR><B>Welcome sharlene</B>...<P>Your patience with your H is truly remarkable... <P>I have a post of general welcome post I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a short time ago the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR>Staying in the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum will give you the most responses! <P>It sounds like you've been doing what we call a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>

Quote

Plan A: Avoid angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, selfish demands, annoying behavior and dishonesty (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... whenever/wherever try and meet you H's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> (it seems to mean this <B>is</B> something you've been doing)...<P>do read up on it(<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>)...<P>If in fact this is the case... and there is absolutely no way your H will leave the OW... you may be forced into a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan B: Avoid contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has ended (page 79 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>...in your situation as a basically a SAHM... this may mean a separation... so this should be a last-ditch type decision. I'll give you some legal references... if you need them later.<P>Do get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> and read it!<P>I'd say stay with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> for a short while longer...<P>after you do the reading and research... think of perhaps having a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> ($85US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A>. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>! He can evaluate your situation very fast and very well... and help you make the decision of <B>when</B> to move to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>!<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

<BR>I think that trying2_4give is right on!!I am one of Shar's friends. I have seen her in uncontrollable pain. She feels trapped. She has done everything for him and I mean EVERYTHING, and He has done nothing for her!! Her GHEALTH is on a downward spiral. He tells her to deal with it. He says he is happy, what is her problem, PLEASE!!!He is not there for her emotionally or physically. He never spends anytime with his girls. It is emotional torture! No human being should go through this, NO ONE!<BR>ps This seems to be a cycle for Shar. This is NOT the only relationship like this for her. I feel for her, but it seems all I can do is listen, I also feel helpless.<BR>Pauline<BR>