Hi There,<P> I guess this should be in the Recovery section but there's always more going on here. Anyway, we've been in recovery 8mos....really didn't make progress until started counseling with SteveH. (even though my H will hardly participate).Recovery has been slow but there has been progress. <P> The problem now is long story short last Feb. exactly one year ago when the affair was in full swing, H was living at home and I was Plan Aing. My father was diagnosed with Cancer of the kidney. Needless to say it was very stressful and my H after telling me he would "be there for me" was awful....lying, sneaking around,hostile, the typical affair stuff.As it turned out, my father had his kidney removed and no more sign of Cancer.I pushed my H's behavior aside with the realization that it was the affair but did truly feel "abandoned" during that time.<BR> <BR>Now, my father has a tumor in his lungs and it does not look good at all. Everything has come crashing down on me,I feel so much resentment for how he treated me last year. Couple this with although we are in recovery I am doing most of the "giving" and I feel "trying". What in the world do you do with these awful feelings? NOW, I resent that although he is here, there is not much support, no affection, ....it is made so much worse by what else is going on. Any suggestions? Sometimes, I just feel like maybe we should just throw in the towel ....LU

I can only offer my opinion, but it sounds like you need to get this out on the table right away. It sounds like you feel there is a problem and either your H is not recognizing it, or trying as hard. I don't know your story from last year as I am new. But some more info might help people give you an idea, especially those who are in recovery with you. I would assume all you are feeling right now is normal, and the added burden of a sick loved one, can intensify it. <P>Don't let your marriage slip to that point where it is so much harder to repair. Try and get this fixed now and get the emotional support that it sounds like you really need right now. <P>Prayers are with you.

Hi LonelyMom,<P> Thanks for replying....you're right, it has to be dealt with.....I'm going to call Steve asap....thanks for the push.<P> Part of the problem is that with the new crisis I feel like I don't give a rat's a$% about recovery, meeting needs, LB....but at the same time I don't want to throw it all away and regret it down the road.....thanks<BR>LU

Oh, Lu, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.<P>I empathize...I just found out today that my stepdad has cancer in the lung too.<P>It's hard. So far H SAYS all the right things about being supportive...we'll see what happens.<P>Take care of yourself...calling SteveH is a good idea, IMVHO.

Lu,<P>It may seem like you could care less about your H right now, but the best thing is to not set yourself from any more stress with what lies ahead. Also, you may not be thinking straight due to all your stress and worries about illness. So tonite, take a long hot bath, read a magazine, paint your nails, calm down and ease your mind. Then calmly talk to H about your concerns in a loving manner. All you can do is try. But don't let it go unresolved. Solve it quick so you can focus ALL your positive energy on your dad. Prayers are with you and good luck!!

Hi, Lu,<P>So, so sorry about your Dad, Lu. I hope things are better than they "look".<P>Don't have much advice to add except that I think contacting Steve H. is a good idea too... he will most likey have some ideas about de-fusing some of your anger, & helping you get through a stressful time.<P>I hope your H comes through for you with flying colors... maybe it would help just to tell him how sad and upset and afraid you're feeling, as well as that this re-occurence is dredging up old hurts for you (and you really need his help! ).<P>Keep us posted about your Dad, & how you're doing too! - Suse

Hi Lonely Mom, Dazed and Suse,<P> Thanks so much for replying....it really means alot. I guess I worry, too that my perspective will be skewed....when I'm stressed I tend to interpret everything my H does and says as negative or feel like he's leaving again (at least emotionally)....I will call Steve and try to keep a better outlook.....Thanks! Lu<P>Dazed,<P> I'm sorry about your stepdad....it's really not looking too good here either....thinking about you....Lu