Hey all,<BR>Haven't had a question in a while, just lurking and posting replies. Okay here goes.....this may be stupid, but it has just been twirling in this thing I used to call a brain since Monday night. My STBX went on a business trip last week...flew to California on Monday and was suppose to come home on Thursday. Well on Thursday he asked his boss, who was with him, if he could just take Friday off and stay in California for the weekend. She of course said yes. Well he didn't stay there. Through the grapevine I heard he went to Las Vegas and stayed there for 3 days gambling and drinking. Ok, here is the question.....We always went to Vegas every year and also went there on our honeymoon. When he came back to work on Monday......he could only talk about me. How everything reminded him of me and what fun we used to have there. Do you think that those memories will help us? I know that I can still hardly go somewhere that him and I used to enjoy together. He claims that he sat in his room all day Friday and thought about me. I guess that he must have because he called the office 5 times on Friday to talk to two of his friends. Doesn't sound like much of a vacation sitting in your room. But he still hasn't called or even mentioned this to the girls....in fact when he bought them presents some said Las Vegas on the bottom and when our 9 year old asked he said he just stopped there on his way home from the business trip. His co-worker, my friend, said he looked so sad on Monday and she could see the love in his eyes when he spoke about us. Now I have been sad for a few days. I just want him to call and us to try to work on this and stop this divorce. But I have not called him because I don't know what to say or do. Does it seem to you guys that he is thinking or is it just wishful thinking on my part?<P>Thanks<BR>Nancy

Nancy,<BR> <BR>Of COURSE he is sad. I think it is a good sign that he felt that remorse. It is definetly a positive sign. If I were you, I don't think I would call first, let him come to you. Let his guilt eat at him some more. (I know sounds bad, but I think the guilt is a good thing). I will try and find your story today so I know more about the situation.<P>All I can get is that you two are seperated and almost ready to divorce?? And your friend works in his office. I would believe visiting somewhere that you had such positive memories of your spouse would have a BIG IMPACT on someone. <P>Good luck, keep us updated when he calls!!<BR>I'd put a smiley face here, but I can't figure out how it is done!!<BR>

Dear Mental,<P>You know, my theory is: It aint over until there is "indifference". (I'm sure you remember that thread "the opposite of love is....")<P>So, your situation almost is a war. That doesn't sound like indifference. That sounds like a total failure of communication. Sometimes, out of frustration from tons of conflict, an environment for an affair happens. Do you think this is what happened with you two?<P>I would say that with the custody situation and all the conflict going on, there is still quite a connection there. But, unfortunately, figuring out how to get along hasn't been figured out - yet.<P>Try and learn how to minimize conflict with your husband. He is like a cat with an arched back, hair sticking up all over, ears back, ready to attack. So are you. <P>If the opposite of love is indifference, what is this?<P>Hang in there. Soften up. I don't know if it is okay to make the first move, but I think once a move has been made, do not defend yourself when he attacks. Don't make him afraid. Make him safe.<P>TNT

...... but not at your expense.<P>Delicate Balancing act required! Protect yourself legally, but protect him emotionally..... Did that make sense?<P>

Everything makes sense...but nothing makes sense.<BR>Nancy

Nancy,<BR>If we could figure out what was going on in their little heads we wouldn't be where we are now. Any time they think about us is good. BUt is it enough? who knows I wish I did. I know we all cling to every little thing and it usually makes us into a complete mental case. I have found the best thing to do is not read anything into anything they do, hope for the best, pray for help and keep busy. My H ihas been making me a basketcase with his actions but I still don't see any improvement he is still with her. So for my sanity and for your too. Try to let it go, think of what has happen as a good thing but don't dwell on it. I know it is easier said then done and I am living proof of that but I keep trying. My prayers are with you. {{{HUGS}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Thank you all for posting....I know that I can't get my hopes up. I don't usually.....but this one just got me. But I know that it won't last. Last night he was rude and nasty to the girls again. I think that he is very unstable. Sometimes he is as good as a father that he can be...then he just sucks. But he can't understand why they are so wishy washy with him.<BR>Nancy

Hi Nancy, <P>Your H sounds like he is feeling a little guilty and remembering the good times he had with you. I think that is definitely a GOOD thing, but I also think that you should let him call you. Let the guilt work in your favor. <P>I don't know at what point you are in your divorce and how friendly or difficult it has been, but this might also be a good reason to let him contact you. I my situation, my H tries to use anything and everything against me to say I am a terrible mother, etc. This includes calling him! I have basically cut off all contact with my H as I know when he becomes too friendly he is just trying to get me to say something wrong. We both taped each others phone conversations (before I cut off contact)because of the upcoming court date. Of course, all he has gotten out of me is that I still love and care for him. And there is no crime in that. I cetainly hope that your H is sincere. However, I have come to the conclusion that one can never be to careful. I guess my point is that the longer your H misses you and feels guilty the better chance you have of him contacting you sincerely. I know it is hard not to call but keep your chin up and keep plugging forward! Please keep us updated on how it is going and take care.

He disregards his true feelings because of pride.... (power and control). <P>Nancy, I just feel for you so much.<P>((((((((((Nancy))))))))))))<BR>