Gaby, <BR>Well if you come back, I hope that you read this. It really sounds like there are some other much deeper problems with your relationship if making love to your husband makes you hate him. <P>When someone posts here, we all have to assume that the individual who is posting is looking for suggestions to improve his/her marriage. Because you are the one who is posting, we all assumed that you wanted to know what you could do to improve your marriage. Since your husband is not posting here, it would obviously do no good for us to make suggestions to him, since he is not here to receive them. <P>In regard to what your husband has done, it is completely and totally wrong and should never happen again. After having said that, you are at the same place of trying to do what you can to improve your marriage. <P>When we get hurt, it is completely natural to want to inflict pain on the person who has hurt us. However, in the long run, all this will do is get us on a never ending cycle of more and more hurt until we kill the love we ever had for that person. Hopefully, as we mature, we begin to understand that the end result of revenge is just more pain. This is especiallly true in the marriage relationship. <P>If you wait until you feel like meeting your husband's sexual needs, you will be waiting a very long time. In the meantime, his needs will become greater until one of two things happen. Either he will 1) find other ways to meet his needs, or 2) become so frustrated by his unmet needs that he will transfer this frustration to you in the form of hatred. <P>Contrary to what you hear so often, it is not really sex that men want, it is intimacy. This need just shows itself as sex. I certainly hope that you can someday get to the point where you will see sexual relations with your husband as a celebration of the marital intimacy that you share. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John

<BR>Gaby,<P>In case you're reading this..c'mon smile a little...we know you're lurking! <P>Isit2late hit on a couple of very good points. The first is that sex is THE barometer of a relationship. If your relationship is lousy, then your sex life will be lousy accordingly, either in quality, frequency, or both quality and frequency.<P>The second point that Isit2late mentioned is that men desire intimacy through sex. This is absolutely correct. One of the worst things that you could let happen would be to start having sex with your husband, but withold intimacy (David Schnarch calls these "mercy f**ks"). Mercy f**king your husband is most definitely NOT meeting his sexual needs, and you'd actually be worsening the situation if you did that.<P>There's much more to your story than we know, based on what you've written. Remember, we can only give views based on what you've said. <P>Bystander