He left almost a year ago. They said the blame was part of the fantasy, and the fantasy wouldn't last.<P>Well, the blame has, if anything, intensified. Now, if the kids do or even think something of which he does not approve, it must be my fault. This includes things that have nothing whatsoever to do with the affair or his relationship with the OW. He acts as if they don't have minds of their own - and no one else who knows them would dispute the fact that they certainly do.<P>One of our kids was a bit obnoxious (and sometimes more than just a bit) during her early and mid-teens, and that, in his view, was apparently my fault. I had suspected that he believed that for years. But now the imperfections of all the kids are my fault. When they are unhappy, that too is supposedly my fault. <P>Other adults tell me our kids are polite and responsible. Our oldest two are doing fine in college, and do not use drugs or drink. They would rather spend their money on books than on expensive clothes. <P>He wants to be involved in educational decisions - no, actually he wants to MAKE the educational decisions, for the four youngest children, including the one who is almost 14. Yet when they are sick he doesn't care enough even to call or email them. He doesn't even know the children. He has called them about 3 times in the last year. He is now spending a total of about 72 hours a month with them. <P>It seems as if his major concern is that the children don't embarass him, and don't interfere in anyway with his relationship with the OW.<P>Can this continue forever? I have obviously heard of NCP's who are completely uninvolved with their kids, and others who want to stay very involved. But I have never heard of NCP's who have little interest in their kids day-to-day lives, but use their legal right to be involved in major decisions in order to maintain control. <P><BR>

Nellie,<P>I know for a fact I am heading down your road.<P>My W is also wanting to "control" so many aspects of my children's lives from a distance. The fact that we aren't divorced and I'm still in a Plan A mode.... make this all that much easier.<P>When the divorce comes... I know (told my attorney too) that there will strong disagreements over the kid's education. It is hell now... and will be in the future.<P>The court systems do everything to encourage the parties to be at the height of their advaserial positions... and then nothing "fair" comes out of it... <P>I'm praying for you Nellie! <P>Jim

Jim,<P>I am beginning to think that Plan A has made things much worse for the children. <P>Actually, I regret not having fought tooth and nail to avoid going along with several things he wanted to do while we were together. He seemed to have gotten in the habit of doing whatever he wanted to do, no matter how I felt about it.<P>This interest in the kids' education is new since he left - it used to be extremely difficult to get him to even express an opinion about anything to do with the children.