I’ve been reading about some truly beautiful relationships on this board. I’ve known something was missing from my marriage for a long time, I just wasn’t sure what it was until I started reading the posts here. It’s slowly sunk in that I don’t even have a marriage. What I have is a roommate with sexual privileges. <P>H thinks his only contribution to marriage is financial support. He’s believes that as long as there’s food on the table and the light bill is paid he has completed his requirements to the family.<P>We each filled out the EA questionnaire. He is very satisfied with all with the exception of sex. He was extremely satisfied in that department until his EA caused me to withdraw from him.<P>He only talks to me when he wants something. He claims he has no need for any recreational activity (he spends all his free time doing good deeds for others) <P>I have a need for conversation - that goes unmet.<BR>I have a need recreational companion - that goes unmet.<BR>I have a need for affection - that goes unmet.<BR>I have a need for honesty and openness - that goes unmet.<BR>I have a need for family commitment - that goes unmet.<P>This is starting to drive me crazy! I feel like I live alone. I used to fill the emptiness with friends and children. Now my children are all grown and gone and the loneliness is eating away at me. <P>This may sound pretentious but sometimes I envy the betrayed and the betrayers here. I would have an affair if I thought I could live with the guilt. <P>Here is my question. <P>How do I teach him that there is more to marriage than paying the bills and telling me that he needs relaxed one night a week. Yes, that’s his idea of foreplay. He doesn’t even refer to it as making love or having sex. He says “I’m really tense tonight so I need you to relax me”. <P>I’ve read the book His Needs, Her Needs. I’ve tried to talk to him about what my needs are. He acts like he cares (for about 30 seconds) then suddenly he’s too busy to listen. I’ve printed out the concepts and ask him to read them. He don’t have time. I’ve tried to talk with him, he suddenly needs to make a phone call. I’ve even thought about giving them to OW for her to give to him. That’s the only way he’ll pay any attention. I’m about ready to pack his bags and send him there to stay! Let her try to deal with his attitude towards family. <P>Can any of you give me some suggestions on how to get the message across to him on what a marriage is suppose to be? <P>Has anyone been in this position? If so, how did you correct the problem?