Hey Gang,<P>I just don't get it. I got another card from Val today. Not a "Valentines Day" card mind you. One with flowers and hearts on the front with her message inside. Seems the writtings are getting shorter. I wonder if she was expecting something from me today?<P>"Thinking of You! Love, Val". So, I figure one of two things. She really does miss me and MAY be coming around or she is playing a great head game and now it's my turn to serve.<P>Oh, well, I did great today. I didn't get her anything for the holiday and kept myself busy with some back billing. If I keep up this pace I'll be in Va Beach before ya know it!<P>Hope all you Guys survived as well.<P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic

Tim,<P>she did serve, you now have to volley....<P>you were neglected as a child, and didn't play many games, weren't you....poor guy....<P>now you send a nice thank you card...otherwise, she'll think you aren't speaking to each other again....<P>and frankly, worrying about you and val is giving me grey hair.....you can't possibly live with that on your conscience....<P>Dylan

Tim,<P>Sounds like it is working!!! I'm rooting for you. Keep up the Plan B, ahe's probably going to break soon.<P><P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hi Dylan,<P>As a matter of fact, I am an only child. My parents saw how I turned out and swore never to have anymore like me. Unfortunately my son, T2, is exactly like me. He looks like me, acts like me, [Yes that's very scarey] and sounds like me. He used to answer Val when she would call me from upstairs and she didn't know the difference.<P>Yes, I was neglected as a child. They left me out in the rain and I became mentally warped. [Actually my Dad worked 12 hours X 7 days a week for allot of my childhood. I feel I did miss out on some male bonding. I guess that's why I'm so close to T2]. That's for real. Not the rain thing.<P>I'm in Plan B though, wouldn't sending an acknowledgement to the cards go against the principle? She has not shown this much interest in the last 11 months. I wasn't planning on speaking to her again. I am preparing for the big D. It's easier not to have to talk to her. The cards are OK as you consider that everyday I pick them up and read them. Can you say Psychos 'R' Us?<P>Sorry about the grey hair. You will just have to avoid reading my posts. I'm not leaving here, not matter what you do!<P><BR>Hey Jamie-Lee,<P>I guess the situation may be grating on her conscience. She started having GI problems a while back. She may need surgical intervention for an ulcer if the meds don't kick in soon. I figure that the stress of the then unknown affair started to eat at her from the inside, Literally.<P>I was fighting with the idea to respond to the first card. [don't know what to think or make of things]<P>I'll just sit tight and do some more billing. I want a BIG condo in Va.<P>Thanks for taking the time to respond, Guys. I don't know where I would be right now if I would not have found this site. Possibly at the "funny farm" feeding the plastic chickens. Where do you think the plastic easter eggs come from?<P>Tim [coo coo for cocoa puffs]

hey!!! your parents and mine were obviously separated at birth!!!<P>and I thought I was the sole only child mentally warped by being left outside in the rain....nice to know I'm no longer alone.....I never had lego either.....waaaaaaahh...<P><BR>ummmm.....<P>hearts and flowers on the outside....blank space for her own personal message on the inside???<P>Tim, you have to get out more often....go to hallmark....<P>These ARE called Valentines Day cards, Tim...<P>now click your heels 3 times, and go to the mall...see if I'm lyin'!!!<P>ok, ok, plan B.....<P>I just remember what she wrote in her first card, and she sounded really confused about the 'not speaking to each other' thing....<P>the last thing you would want is for everything to blow up in your face because she thinks it's petty and mean of you not to even acknowledge receipt.....I mean, hey! if she thinks you are just being childish and rude, she may just decide "well, fine, corkscrew you...." and wash her hands of even the attempt at contacting you....<P>but, I did not have lego as a child, and the neighbor children threw fruit and vegetables at me, and the resulting mental trauma still affects me, so what the hell do I know...and you certainly know Val better than I...unless she was that blonde girl at summer camp, but I won't even go there.....<P>I know even less about plan B....you, however, are the grand master of plan-medic....<P>I'm not talking a 42 page letter here, just a card that says thank you, signed, Tim, and let it go at that.....<P><BR>Dylan, - now so mired in childhood memories, that she has to go and steal her 4 yr. old son's lego and build something.....

Zippy,<P>She isn't letting go, my friend. After 2 cards...maybe you should send her a little note as Dylan suggests. Buy a little card and write a line or two inside and send it back to her and she will know that you are still alive....<P>Happy Valentine's Day, Tim!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

My guess, is that Val does love you, wants to have a life with you, does NOT and WILL not discuss any issues straightforward, will run from conflict, will ignore nasty or insensitive letters, will try and satisfy her need for no conflict - and if that means jumping from you to someone who offers peace - that is what she will do.<P>That doesn't mean she doesn't love you, or wish that she could have a wonderful life with you.<P>You need to find out what turns her cookies brown. You need do the things she needs - to help her see that you are safe, and avoid conflict until she learns she can trust you with her mistakes.<P>Happy V day to you. <BR>tnt

Hey coo coo man,<P>Got to agree the others. She doesn't want to let go or so it would seem.<P>Dylan had a good suggestion...<P>Turn your gooey on...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Okay, my 2 cents,<BR>At first I was going to tell you not to reply....but that was just me being jealous of a situation that I haven't been able to have to face.<P>Okay, I agree with above......just send her card....Just something that says it is so nice to her that she is thinking about you.....but you don't have to say much more....just thank you. You don't have to say that you are thinking of her.<BR>Nancy

OK,<P>Let me see if I have this straight. I have noticed that all my respondants have been of the female persuasion. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I understood that Plan B meant absolutely no contact to protect the love bank from any further withdrawls and prepare oneself if the separation turns to divorce court.<P>You Guys suggest a note acknowledging the receipt of the cards. Wouldn't I lose some of the ground that I think I may have gained here in the last month?<P>This blows goats. If she wouldn't have sent the cards I'd be alright with this. GREAT, now I don't know what to do. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!<P>I've been having strange dreams the last 3 nights where my Dad is helping me through all this muck and mire. [He passed away in 1990] That we do get back to gether and then I wake up holding her pillow.<P>Either someone is trying to tell me something or I need a stronger Psycho-tropic drugs.<P>Thanks Guys, Happy Valentines Day to you as well. I don't know, I woke up in a good mood and the day went to hell.[Fast times at Ridgemont High...Ramon]<P>This might take a little bit of thinking.<P>Tim<P><BR>

Medic,<P>Plan B.......is to avoid further damaging withdrawals from the love bank. Would an acknowledgement that you received the card do that?<P>But, what do I know? I expected nothing and received nothing. In any case, hang in there.<P>Coo coo ka choo <P>

ahhhhhhh I just know you hate to think. Always gets you in trouble. <P>tee hee.<P>anyhow, I really didn't realize that you had gone to plan B. Is that what the letter you wrote was for? duh.... I guess us women can't figure you guys out.<P>anyway, if your plan B is to keep your sanity and love, and the letter was written for that reason..... hmmmm. I guess, Val is probably thinking that you wrote the letter because you were angry - or you wanted some sort of a reaction from her. And, if she is the conflict avoider I think she is, her reaction would be NILL. Remember, this lady doesn't want to deal with issues. <P>Why doesn't this lady want to deal with everything? I think, maybe she never learned how to use conflict as a means of understanding and bridge building. She thinks of conflict as divisive, hurtful, about power and control, about pride, about negativity. All conflict isn't bad. Just the conflict that you don't know what to do with.<P>I think, if you are in plan B, that you need to get very committed to it - and let her know what you are doing to help your relationship, by protecting your love for Val, and not to get a reaction. That is going to be tricky, because she doesn't trust what you say. <P>Your reltionship with Val seems to have only three major flaws: Communication, lack of Conflict resolution skills, and infidelity.<P>Really, we know the infidelity issue is just a matter of time. It won't last. The communication and conflict resolution skills can be learned. <P>Gosh, I know you didn't understand that. I wish I was talking to a woman..... <P> <BR>tnt<P>Maybe someone else can say it better than me. Any other women out there? <P>