Well, aren't I the slow one...<P>It only took me 5 months to dawn onto the fact that I'm single again. I found myself smiling back at a young lady this morning and I felt guilty. I couldn't quite figure out why, so I set about doing a little introspective writing. It was quick to the point for a change.<P>I realized that for the first time in 10 years, I am a single man. I'm not the type to flirt, although I try to smile and give compliments when ever I can. But today, I released my guilt over smiling back.<P>I guess that I'm on the road to recovery. I found in my writing that I actually wish my XW and her new dude all the best. Well, I wish her all the best. I finally came to terms with my infidelity, my remorse, my guilt over what I had done. I no longer feel guilty for having re-established the contact with the XOW (I still wish I never had and I see it was wrong), I know in my heart that I acted with the right intentions AFTER the affair, and have decided that I am once again worthy of joining the human race and finding companionship. I still want it to be my XW, but i have also accepted the fact that she will never trust me again and without that love can never truly exist.<P>I have also forgiven the XOW for the pains she caused me, released my guilt and come to terms with the ****ty things I did to her, and wish her the best in establishing a life with someone who will inspire her to be the best she can be.<P>I am single. I can flirt, date, kiss a woman on the cheek and not have to ask myself 'did I go over a boundary there?' I bought dinner for a table of women at the restaurant I just left, leaving only a note with the waitress saying 'If I can't be at a table full of beatiful women on Valentines Day in person, atleast I can be there in spirit and show my appreciation for beauty.' If I had done that as an involved man, would that have been inapprpriate of me? I did it to feel good, to hopefully put a smile on the faces of a few strangers.<P>So I'm single. I can go to night clubs and dance till my legs get numb. I really do like to go to clubs and dance, but more by myself than with anyone. I just like to get sweaty without thinking of how others see me, or worrying about having to talk to others or spend time with anyone.<P>Right now, I can think of nothing finer than doing things with no pressure to answer to anyone else. Not that I had to answer while I was in my last relationship. I just like to do something different. Why go over the day if it was nothing to interesting to begin with?<P>So I'm single. I just haven't quite worked out the being happy part...