Dear friends ,<P>I am in shock. Horror, disbelief. I just got served divorce papers.<P>My H abandon us on Xmas Day. A week later I found out about another woman. On Valentine's day he drew up divorce papers. I got them today. <P>He is suing me on cruel and inhumane treatment.<P>He is asking for custody of our kids, child support, alimony, sale of the house (purchased before we were married), seperate marital property, me pay for his medical and hospital insurance, me pay for his life insurance, me pay all the marital bills and me pay his attorney fees.<P>I was a loving devoted wife and I never did anything to deserve this. I believe I met all his needs but recreation. But his recreation was nude bars and golf with his brothers. I am in an extreme amount of shock right now. Please tell me this isn't happening. He abandon me. He cheated on me. How is this happening?

Counter sue for abandonment ! And ask for the same things he is asking for.<P>Talk to a lawyer right away to see about doing this, don't wait around, defend yourself, and your children.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

I agree! get a lawyer NOW and protect you and your children and counter sue for everything he is!<BR>Why in the world would he expect you to pay for all that and what are his basis (or do they have to have one) for claiming cruel punishment, seems like you would have a much stronger case then he.<BR>Get a lawyer NOW!<BR>I am also surprised you got them so quickly.<BR>

Oh Lonely Mom,<P>I am so sorry!! How can he do all of that to you? I guess that is why I want to file for divorce first! I am afraid of my husband pulling something like that on me! Do you have a lawyer? You are definitely going to need one because he is getting nasty! That is not right at all! Do you work? How can he expect you to pay for all of those things? Please keep us posted! My prayers are with you dear! I am so sorry! I can't say that enough! I really feel the need to file for divorce first now! I don't know what to expect from my husband at all! Just take care of yourself and post here! I will be watching for your posts tonight!<P>~Woozy

Lonelymom,<BR> I know things look bleek right now, but stay strong. He is probably deep in fantasy...I'll bet that he has been in this for awhile (with ow). You need to take bozos advice and get a lawyer now and countersue. If you want to save your marriage, try to slow this down...he may snap out of this before too long. My w left for 6 weeks and came back. It CAN happen (and often does). But in the meantime, protect yourself and your children legally. File for custody NOW!<BR>Stay strong and Plan A if you can.<P>MAT4

<B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dana}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B><P>I'm so sorry. I'm almost at a lost for words. But I must say this first: If you don't have a lawyer yet, NOW IS THE TIME TO GET ONE!!! This doesn't mean that it is over. If you still have the strength to fight and hold on, please do so. Plan A your heart out!! You're right, you don't deserve this, i couldn't imagine who does. Just know that we are here for you to lean on. Allow God to wipe some of your tears from your eyes and hold you in his arms. For his love won't fail you. <P>Your H must be out of his mind. It's one thing to file D, but for him to ask for the kids,child support, alimony, sale of the house, pay for his medical and hospital insurance, pay for his life insurance, pay all the marital bills and pay his attorney fees. <B>HE MUST BE NUTS</B><P>praying for you tonight and always...<BR> <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hi friends,<BR>thanks for the speedy reply. I will not be tying my best ettiquette as I am balling right now. <P>Can I just refuse the divorce? Or do I have to countersue? isn't it called contesting? OH GOD I can't believe this. I can't believe he could be so cruel. And these papers are dated for Valentines day?? OH GOD I will call the lawyer but any help in the meantime is greatly appreciated. <P>Can people file all this if it is a lie? Please help.

Lonelymom,<BR>check out this site: <A HREF="http://www.divorcenet.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorcenet.com</A> (I think)<BR>it has a state by state guide of the laws.

Dana,<P>I agree with the rest...counter sue...In NC you holdf the cards...Plain abandonment...<P>Prayers for you tonight...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

lonelymom,<BR> Try to stay calm(well,sort of).You know he can ask for what ever he wants,but he isn't going to get it.Get some legal advise,protect yourself,he's out of his mind.What is he calling"cruel and inhumane treatment"?Has he defined that?What did you do that was worse than commit adultery?Do you have proof of his affair;reciepts,charges,phone bills,papertrail?The lawyer may ask you these things.Think of it this way,your H is being totally irrational.He's caught up in a fantasy.You need to stop and try to think clearly,and be the one in control.Use his irrationality to your advantage.Find out what you need to do to protect yourself and your children,and your assets.Do you have any family that can offer you support?I've been where you're at,in total shock when my W ran away with a younger man.I couldn't think clearly,and I made mistakes.Get some legal help,now.The OW could be leaning on him to clean you out.Change your house locks if you haven't already done so.I know this sounds harsh,but this may get nasty.Keep posting for support.You can get through this.Stay strong. --Murph

{{{{{{{{{{<B>lonelymom</B>}}}}}}}}}}.<P><B>Right Now</B>!!!<P>You need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<P>If you are too distraught.. e-mail me at imherczeg@yahoo.com let me know your state and county... I'll give you a hand!<P>Prayers...<P>Jim

Your H is really stupid if he thinks that he is suing you for abandonment. Isn't he the one that left the house and children? In addition, in regards to being cruel...isn't he the one who left you & children on x-mas? Then, he has the papers drawn up to serve you on Valentine's Day? Sounds like an idiot to me! But, then, he is not in his right state of mind!<P>Do what everyone else says. Counter-sue for everything that he has asked for. Protect yourself & your kids. Get a lawyer now!<P>Hugs & prayers to you...

As everyone else said, get a lawyer and counter-sue. I don't know if your state has no-fault divorce, but in my state, the waiting period is much shorter for cruel and abusive treatment than for no-fault. But I can't imagine what kind of lawyer would encourage him to ask for all that - he and the lawyer must be nuts.

Are all lawyers this cruel, or is it possible he lied to the lawyer.?? How do I prove adultry? I have a change of address piece of mail that went to him at the new address where he is living with another woman, thats it.

lonelymom,<BR>If he is living with the OW, there is your proof. If you can afford it, have your lawyer use a private investigator. It may be a lovebuster, but you need to protect yourself. He probably knows he can't get you on all these things, he is just trying to push for what he can get. Go to an attorney and fight for your rights. Above all, fight to keep your children.<P>AD

Lonelymom--<P>I am so sorry to hear about your terribl news--I will pray for you tonight. It is hard to get divorce papers when you love him and have been totally devoted to him. Get a lawyer and get tough--its hard but you have to fight for you and your kids!! My state has what they call no-fault divorce--which stinks!! Anyone can file for a divorce and get one even if the other party refuses to sign--a bunch of crap if you ask me. <P>In your case, you have kids and real estate so it will probably take longer and it could/will get nasty! You need someone who will fight for your rights. You countersue and make him pay for everything!!<P>If you need anything, please let me know. I will be thinking/praying for you and your kids tonight.<P>Kimber<P>------------------<BR>

Lonelymom: I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs, as my ex left me also for another woman. I know the panic feeling of having no control. We will all help you as best we can. First, the divorce won't happen overnight so there is time to get your act together and do some smart thinking to help you and your children.It's hard but dont' worry about spouse at this point--your survival is the top priority. I was divorced in Florida and I'm not sure where you are, but I'll tell you what I did to protect myself. I think you have 30 days to respond to the divorce paper. Get a family law specialist--I was more comfortable with a woman atty and I was most pleased.The first advice I was given was to change locks on the house. To prevent spouse from having excuse to enter house I packed all his clothing and personal items and put them in garage. Borrow a video camera and videotape everything in your house ,including car,even his things,--he does not need to know you are doing this. Get copies of all credit cards and stop any further charges on them if they are jointly owned. Your atty. is going to need all financial records, and you will be making out a sheet that lists all monthly expenitures, such as house payment, rutilities, food, other bills, and amt. spent on children. These numbers will be very important in settling the finances. He is not living in your house, so he can hardly charge you with abandonment. Lawyers have their own way of investigating adultry--it will not be hard to prove,however in the actual divorce, it won't have that much bearing. The financial settlement is to protect your children and yourself,and your standard of living should not have to drop just because he wants out of the marriage. Start keeping a journal of times he sees the children, what he does with them, and any interactions he has with you, especially phonecalls . It will come in handy later. I pretty much wrote my own divorce--I went to the library and read books on divorce, and there are plenty out there that will give you guidance. My ex was so busy with the new woman that he thought he would just breeze through the divorce thinking I was too distraught to put up much of a fight. He was totally surprized, and didn't realize what he was up against. I wasn't greedy, but I made sure my children and I got everything we were legally entitled to. You are only going to get one shot at it, so give it your all. A broken marriage is so sad,but right now your emotional and financial survival is at stake. Remember, tempers are at their worst, and emotions are running strong. All decisions don't have to be made overnight. Take your time--Don't sign anything your atty hasn't seen first and explained it to your satisfaction. I sound harsh, but you have to protect yourself now--his loyalty unfortunately is elsewhere.

Lonelymom: I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs, as my ex left me also for another woman. I know the panic feeling of having no control. We will all help you as best we can. First, the divorce won't happen overnight so there is time to get your act together and do some smart thinking to help you and your children.It's hard but dont' worry about spouse at this point--your survival is the top priority. I was divorced in Florida and I'm not sure where you are, but I'll tell you what I did to protect myself. I think you have 30 days to respond to the divorce paper. Get a family law specialist--I was more comfortable with a woman atty and I was most pleased.The first advice I was given was to change locks on the house. To prevent spouse from having excuse to enter house I packed all his clothing and personal items and put them in garage. Borrow a video camera and videotape everything in your house ,including car,even his things,--he does not need to know you are doing this. Get copies of all credit cards and stop any further charges on them if they are jointly owned. Your atty. is going to need all financial records, and you will be making out a sheet that lists all monthly expenitures, such as house payment, rutilities, food, other bills, and amt. spent on children. These numbers will be very important in settling the finances. He is not living in your house, so he can hardly charge you with abandonment. Lawyers have their own way of investigating adultry--it will not be hard to prove,however in the actual divorce, it won't have that much bearing. The financial settlement is to protect your children and yourself,and your standard of living should not have to drop just because he wants out of the marriage. Start keeping a journal of times he sees the children, what he does with them, and any interactions he has with you, especially phonecalls . It will come in handy later. I pretty much wrote my own divorce--I went to the library and read books on divorce, and there are plenty out there that will give you guidance. My ex was so busy with the new woman that he thought he would just breeze through the divorce thinking I was too distraught to put up much of a fight. He was totally surprized, and didn't realize what he was up against. I wasn't greedy, but I made sure my children and I got everything we were legally entitled to. You are only going to get one shot at it, so give it your all. A broken marriage is so sad,but right now your emotional and financial survival is at stake. Remember, tempers are at their worst, and emotions are running strong. All decisions don't have to be made overnight. Take your time--Don't sign anything your atty hasn't seen first and explained it to your satisfaction. I sound harsh, but you have to protect yourself now--his loyalty unfortunately is elsewhere.

Lonelymom: I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs, as my ex left me also for another woman. I know the panic feeling of having no control. We will all help you as best we can. First, the divorce won't happen overnight so there is time to get your act together and do some smart thinking to help you and your children.It's hard but dont' worry about spouse at this point--your survival is the top priority. I was divorced in Florida and I'm not sure where you are, but I'll tell you what I did to protect myself. I think you have 30 days to respond to the divorce paper. Get a family law specialist--I was more comfortable with a woman atty and I was most pleased.The first advice I was given was to change locks on the house. To prevent spouse from having excuse to enter house I packed all his clothing and personal items and put them in garage. Borrow a video camera and videotape everything in your house ,including car,even his things,--he does not need to know you are doing this. Get copies of all credit cards and stop any further charges on them if they are jointly owned. Your atty. is going to need all financial records, and you will be making out a sheet that lists all monthly expenitures, such as house payment, rutilities, food, other bills, and amt. spent on children. These numbers will be very important in settling the finances. He is not living in your house, so he can hardly charge you with abandonment. Lawyers have their own way of investigating adultry--it will not be hard to prove,however in the actual divorce, it won't have that much bearing. The financial settlement is to protect your children and yourself,and your standard of living should not have to drop just because he wants out of the marriage. Start keeping a journal of times he sees the children, what he does with them, and any interactions he has with you, especially phonecalls . It will come in handy later. I pretty much wrote my own divorce--I went to the library and read books on divorce, and there are plenty out there that will give you guidance. My ex was so busy with the new woman that he thought he would just breeze through the divorce thinking I was too distraught to put up much of a fight. He was totally surprized, and didn't realize what he was up against. I wasn't greedy, but I made sure my children and I got everything we were legally entitled to. You are only going to get one shot at it, so give it your all. A broken marriage is so sad,but right now your emotional and financial survival is at stake. Remember, tempers are at their worst, and emotions are running strong. All decisions don't have to be made overnight. Take your time--Don't sign anything your atty hasn't seen first and explained it to your satisfaction. I sound harsh, but you have to protect yourself now--his loyalty unfortunately is elsewhere.

I dont know if thhis is the way it is in your state but in MO the person who has the kids when the papers are filed have full coustody untill the divorce is final, I would counter sue for everything said and more, I do know he can not use you being a stay at home mom agenst you but call a lawyer tomorrow and let them know what is happaning.<BR>my love and prayers are with you<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net