Well met the OW husband last night. He feels much like I do...lost as to what to do. he says that he does not think she will leave him as does my husband...so what is the point of this affair?(which she refuses to call an 'affair'). I asked my husband why he was at home...he said that it is because it is where he wants to be and that he cares for me. Funny, he told OW that the marriage was over no hope for it, recently? That is not what I have gotten from him, he has been very attentive and we have been having a pretty good time. He also told her that we had not had sex in months, now what constitutes sex? I have a pretty broad mind on that, and in my mind we have. Problem now is my wild mood swings, I am happy and then so depressed that I can hardly function. He told me that he was happy when I was happy, but it is getting harder and harder. I have called my dr. and am going to ask him for suggestions...drugs? Anyone out there experienced in antidepressants, I would appreciate your input on their effectiveness and did it enable you to give more to your relationships when not feeling so down all the time. H also agreed to see a counselor although he seems to think that we have talked about everything and thinks that he has all the answers. But the fact that he agreed I think is positive as I really didn't think that he would do it. Anyway, that is where I am right now. Still hanging in there.

I'm on meds. I sometimes think they help. I still get down and still get very angry. I don't know if I would be worse if I went off them again. They didn't just open my eyes and let me view the world through rose colored lenses, but I haven't had the urge to drive off of a bridge lately either.<P>I feel that they have encouraged my H to put more of the blame on me when we have trouble. He was so happy when I first started taking them. I think he felt they woudl solve all of our problems. Now he acts even more like I'm irrational, dillusional and unreaslistic since I'm having to be medicated.<P>He has also stated that he is probably depressed, but he can get over it without chemical help.

I am just considering it for my well being at this point not his. I don't want to be crying and acting weird around our kids, and I need to be able to concentrate at my job because an error on my part could cost a lot of money to our lab. My H is also depressed, but not because of what he is doing to all of us (OF COURSE), but because I can't approve of his affair. He wanted us to be honest with one another, I have been, he has not. He is still hiding things from me, I found a bank receipt on our dresser this morning under a pile of stuff as I was cleaning. No big deal,I already knew about it because we went out to eat after he withdrew it, but he made it one by hiding it. He has been hiding alot of stuff, bank receipts, notes etc. He is not very good at it though, maybe he wants to get caught?

Victoria,<P>To me, it really sounds like your husband is being double minded. This indicates that he is having an emotional attachment to both you and the OW, a good sign. You still have the advantage since you know him better and can meet his needs better. <P>I understand your mood swings, they are only natural in this situation. Try to manage your emotions so that your husband only sees you in the good moods. If at all possible, try to find out from his nonverbal cues what he does not like about the OW and try to get him to open up about that. If you can get him to tell you her faults, you will become the other woman for her. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John

Thanks John,but at this point I don't know of anything that he doesn't like about her. He feels, or felt that they were so alike that he refused to believe that we were...he seems to forget we did get married for a reason. Last night he told me that he didn't think that our marriage was going to work and that he didn't want to try, said it was possible that it could he just didn't want to try. But I was the one he held while we slept! Well later on we talked...I told him that we would not hold onto him if he did not want to be with us because we needed more than an empty shell of a man. That I would get him a suitcase since what I was hearing was that he thought it was over, he didn't want to work on it and he wanted us to continue to take care of him, support him etc and he would just continue his affair. He said that was not real, if he left he would be completely alone! It ended with him saying that he was just worn out and we would talk more later. This all came about because I told OW husband more about our life than my husband had told her and when it got back to him he was upset. Of course, by now he may have changed his mind because he has had all day for her to get him charged up and angry again. I wish that he could see how negative this relationship is and how much it has changed him. Maybe he is beginning to, but I don't get too hopeful. We are supposed to go tonight to find out about a counselor, but this morning was dragging his feet. I will go and I think he will too with a little encouragement. We will see.

Victoria,<P>Have a talk with your doc about the mood swings. It might be caused by the stress, or it might be biochemical. Your doc can help, with the right medication you can feel more even and level. Then you can cope with the challenges ahead.<P>Cheers,<BR>Kenneth

Victoria,<P> Thanks for your response to me on the other thread. Yes, my H has been undressing in private too, gives me the lightest peck of a kiss and lays unmoving when I try to cuddle with him. Its wearing me down.<BR> I'm trying to learn to be more open and communicate with him better, but have a hard time telling the difference between a love buster and sharing my feelings since everthing I talk about except casual conversation seems to be a lovebuster to him.<BR>Lora