Hi Lonelymom,<P> Just checking on you to see how you are doing?...thinking of you ....LU

Hi I'm wondering too!<P>We all care about you here! <P>------------------<BR>Peg

Hi to you both,<P>I am extremely sad today. I just want to know when this feeling of shock is going to wear off. I was reading someone's post and she said she always thought they had a storybook romance. Well mine wasn't storybook, but it was pretty good. And even though we, our relationship, our marriage and our life, wasn't exactly perfect, I was still perfectly happy. <P>Now I am just so lonely. I think there is something stuck in my head that I am not good anymore because I am alone. I can't even go out to the store, I see women with their husbands, and it kills me. I know I should mind my own business and not even look at other people. Everywhere I go, I see a woman who resembles OW. Everywhere I go in town, is a memory of the last time I was there with H. I can't go anywhere or do anything without him in my thoughts constantly.<P>I am so sad, and lonely and depressed I can't stand it. I try to put on a front for my kids, but then I break down and its all spilled out anyway. My kids are now mad at their dad for leaving "us". He tells them how much he loves them, that he still loves me, and that he misses them so much. They don't understand why he left then. They don't really understand anything. But now I feel to blame for their negative feelings toward him. <P>A lot of people said don't let your kids know what is going on. But how can I not. They are smart, they see things, hear things, read things, and ask questions. I can't LIE. I just can't. Because I never have lied and I don't feel right doing it now. I told my girls that I love daddy.<P>They want to know why I wear a wedding ring and daddy doesn't. They want to know why I haven't found them a new dad yet. I just can't bear all their questions.<P>I am going to the lawyer tomorrow. I am going to see if I can contest the divorce, and hold it off for the year that I have. I need time to do Plan A, Plan B then divorce so I can get a grip on my own feelings. I can't do it any other way. I will fight for custody, child support, alimony, and for H to pay half the marital bills. But I am not countersuing for divorce, I think that is why he brought on the divorce to force me into that. So I figure, he has been so selfish lately.<P>Always doing what makes HIM happy with no regard to me or my feelings. SO he is not getting out of this that easy. He is not going to get everything he wants in life at the expense of my feelings.<P>Thank you for thinking of me today. Lu, are you also called TiredLULU or is that someone different?? Just wondering

Lonelymon,<BR>I can relate to your not going anywhere. We live in a small town and I'm afraid if I go anywhere I'll see the OW during the week. Plus when H is in town on the weekends, I don't go anywhere because I'm afraid I'll see them together. I go one day a week to the bank and the market, that's it. <BR>Plus when I and if I need to get a lawyer, I'm going to get one out of our county because she works at the courthouse in our county. Great, huh?<P>The feelings of hurt and shock will ease, but the fear of going anywhere? I don't know. I still don't hardly leave the house.<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Lonely Mom,<P>Have you thought about going to counseling wiht your children? My boys and I just started yesterday. I feel we need it to get through this time. I don't want them to keep their feelings bottled up like their dad does. That is apparently what caused the whole thing in the first place. I think it would be worth checking into. The boys and I got on medical assistance so it will be completely covered. It is just a thought!<P>Sincerely,<P>Woozy

Mitzi, <P>Thanks for the personal email by the way, My town isn't small, but too small for me!! I too only go out rarely.<P>Woozy,<P>I have been to a few counselors for myself and the kids. I am not happy with any.I think I need a psychiatrist. I think the people I see don't even have a degree. I get more comfort from this site and talking to friends and family.<P>Dana

Hi Lonelymom,<P> No, I'm not Tired LuLu.....just Lu! I'm so sorry for how you are feeling. Have you thought about calling Steve Harley? I think you are smart to hold off on the D and get a grip on your feelings....you are in the worst of it and you need time. Meanwhile your H is in the middle of his "fantasy".ugh<BR> I know what you mean about not leaving the house, when I was smack in the middle of my H's affair last year I couldn't wait to be back in my house...it was a refuge for me. <BR> Keep posting and we'll all help you....LU

As others have said - take care of yourself and your children the best you can!!! You sound like a pretty damn strong person - that doesn't mean it isn't going to hurt for very long, but it does mean you will make it through it!<P>I am sorry you haven't found good counseling to work through this with your children - maybe keep looking if you can - it probably would help alot if you can find a good one - but in the meantime, keep coming here. Maybe some people here who have gone through what you have with children can give you some good advice for helping them too. <P>Sending you some of my strength your way today!

PS - Thank you. Everyone I know says I am strong, that they couldn't deal with what I am dealing with. Those friends that say to me, OH MY H would never do that to me. I just want to slap them in the face. I never said that, I always worried about us, just if we could make it til we were 30, I would always say that. Some people that I know imply that I should have known this was coming, or that I was to blame. I look at their marriages and THEY treat each other terrible. People envied me and H so how DID I get here? Knowing the truth would help. Did H go looking, was OW the pushy one? Who knows.<P>Lu - Thanks for replying again.<P>I plan to go to counseling. I do home daycare so these kids keep me occupied day and night. Its hard to get anywhere or do anything. I plan to go back to work in May when all the courts are settled. I can't wait, let me tell you!!! I shall talk to you soon!<BR>

For what it's worth. It could be worse. I get to see my wifes OM everyday at work. We work in the same office and up till discovery had lunch together almost every day.