I am married to a wonderful man that I love dearly. We mt when I was still married to my alcoholic husband of 16+ years. I fell in love immediately, separated the next week and after a long battle, divorced. I began to see my husband during the middle of the battle and 5 months after the divorce we married. 9 months later we had our first son and 15 months later our second. (I have a 17 and 15 year old from the first marriage). I started feeling depressed after the baby, now almost 2. I went through therapy and finally let go of a lot of hostile feelings toward my ex and others. However, my husband and I are having problems. The reason I bagan therapy is because my depression was causing problems for us and I began taking things out on him. I was financially dependent on my first husband for most of our marriage but college and a career changed that. I felt controlled and it was very important for me to break away from that feeling. My problems are now: 1)I didn't want to feel that way again but my husband feels that it is a mother's job to care for her children. He is from another country and that is the way it is done there. Of course, to me, his mother is the typical example of a controlled woman. He makes a lot of money and feels that there is no reason for me to work. 2)He works about 90 hours per week including weekends. He works very hard and thinks that I have it easy because I get to stay home with the kids. 3)He complains that I do not keep the house clean enough and he has reservations about buying new furniture until I can prove that I can keep things a little cleaner. We recently, however, bought new furniture but now he says that he worries that it will be taken care of. I clean twice a week - sheets, vacumn, dust, bathrooms, etc. Our children are also 2 - 1 month and 3. 4)I pay bills and keep all money matters but he is not sure that I am doing what I should. I have paid most our bills off, saved enough for a downpayment on a large house and have enough saved for personal use thatwe dont have to worry. 5)He feels that everything we accumulate in our life together should go to our children. That it is not his responsibility to care for my other children. That is their fathers job. I feel that I am their mother and should provide for them as well. I do not pay child support. I buy school clothes in the summer and pay their way back and forth from our house to their dad's and that is all. I have to clear any other money spent on them with him. But, with his family it is different. He has a niece and nephew, 20 and 25, that if they need anything they only have to ask. They have not asked but he told me that he has some responsibility for them because their father died. The 20 year old does not work because it wll interfere with her free time. He told me he wanted to buy his nephew a car but he didn't dare because he knew that I would complain that we never did anthing like that for my 17 year old son. 6)Lastly for now(thank goodness, huh?) I accidently found an email on his work computer (I promise I don't snoop - it as accidental, plus he did give me the password). It was to a woman in another department. They were joking around in a way that bothered me - about meeting at midnight and such. I know it is joking. I know he wouldn't cheat on me. You would have to know him to understand. But, it hurt my feelings. He said that I was snooping and "suspended my priveleges" until I could prove myself trustworthy again. I'm sorry but I went balistic. I did nothing wrong and even proved I could not have been snooping like he said but he would not take back what he said or did. He will not admit that he was wrong. This bothers me more because I beg him to email me but he has always insisted that he is so busy that he just doesn't have time. He promised me that he would not speak to this person again but just last night I asked him if he has received any more messages from her ad he said yes but he just emailed her a begnign message back. I am hurt because I feel he broke a promise to me and because I have yet to receive my email. Oh sorry, I did get a nice one on Valentine's Day.<BR>Maybe I am looking at things all wrong, but sometimes I feel as though I am being controlled. He said that it is just the opposite that I have to always go tit for tat when it comes to my family vs. his family. I ove this man dearly but please help tell me what I am doing wrong or how I could do things differently.