My first marriage ended in divorce after my wife's affair, which was off and on for 3 years. After 6 years, I remarried. My current wife had a friend from work she used to date socially before she knew me. She had toyed with a romantic involvement, but decided against it. He was much more interested than she; but she kept it as a casual friendship.<P>When I came in the picture, he became aloof from her; gradually, he came around and acted friendly towards her again. They have occasionally gone out for drinks together.<P>Recently, my wife and I were estranged. On one occasion during this period, she told me she was going out to the movies with him; then changed her mind, went to dinner with him, and they took a walk together. When I asked her if she talked with him about our problems, she admitted that she discussed it with him "at a general level".<P>We have since patched things up, but I have recently admitted to her that I am uncomfortable with her seeing this person socially, where it is just the two of them. I actually like this person, and have no problems with her seeing him socially in a group context. But it feels like "dating" to me, and it makes me uncomfortable, particularly in light of my past experience. My wife tells me she has absolutely no attraction to this person, and truthfully, I believe her. I believe he is just a friend to her. But I do not think she is the same to him -- and she admits he "hits on every woman he knows". But what concerns me most of all is that she would discuss our relationship with him. She thinks that I want to place restrictions on her speech; I think, there are just some limits to what members of the opposite sex should discuss when they are married to someone else.<P>I have not demanded that she not see this person alone, nor will I. Am I being unreasonable, though, in asking her not to? Controlling? Is it unfair for me to expect that she would not talk with him about our troubles?

Hi, <P>First do NOT DEMAND ! You can let her know you are uncomfortable, let her know you like the person but would rather she not see him alone. <P>But if you demand you could push her away.<P>Read everything on this site, and read the posts. Keep posting, it helps to get it out here rather than on your wife.<P>If you approach her with love and respect and let her know it hurts you for her to see this man alone, she may listen. Hurts is the key word here. If you say it makes you angry, she may get angry herself. <P>And remember she is not your first wife, many of us who have been married before and have been hurt sometimes bring that hurt with us into our new marriages w/o even knowing it. <P>I am sure someone with a better way of putting this will be along soon.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Trust your instincts, if it feels wrong something is not right.<P>Find out what need he is meeting for your wife? have you both filled out the emotional needs questionaire? Am guessing he is meeting her need to feel appreciated and conversation.<P>Secondly, have you read the book The five love languages?<P>You need to address these feelings now, not by demanding but by working together to fix what is missing/wrong before it is too late.<BR>Say you feel that your marriage while wonderful, could use a little improvement.<P>Good luck, but don't demand or ignore it, find out what he is giving her that she needs.<P>Cat

by the way, why were you seperated before?