Well just an update and a GOOD ONE! After being forced to fend for myself as far as getting the kids around without a vehicle, I PURCHASED ONE (with the help of friends)! It's an oldy but goody and gets me where the kids and I need to be! In a way, I am grateful that my H made the decision to be an [censored] or else i would have never have found my independence! So after purchasing the car (of course he found out the same day), H comes by one thing leads to another and we end up sleeping together. For me it was just sex, because I didn't have that heart-pounding feeling that I usually would get when I would see him, it was at the point where I could take it or leave it. So the next day he calls we talk, argue and as we are arguing, I am just listening thinking to myself, "This is not important to me anymore to argue about"! So I let him argue, rant and rave and I just sat their calmly, ready to let go and move on. I guess he sensed that I had no intentions on fighting for this marriage anymore and get this, he says "I AM SETTING UP A MARRIAGE COUNSELING SESSION RIGHT NOW"! I was shocked! After months of asking and getting "No, it will just lead to arguements afterwards", he set up an appointment for this Friday. I agreed, but my emotions have been running from hate, to resentment to love and caring again. I don't know what is going on with my emotions right now. I guess I will just have to see what happens and if it helps us at all. Wish me luck and would love any advice you would have for me. I guess I am feeling like, "Why should I try now, just because you say it is time"! I don't know, just confused now about what I want.

just wanted some feedback, on my hesitations!

Dear Trying,<P>You should read the info on this site about the 3 stages of marriage. Particularly the part about returning to intimacy. It sounds like you are experiencing the spite reaction. You gave your husband what he needed to come back, but your needs haven't been met yet. Try to let go of the resentment, and give the therapy a try. Don't say or do anything in anger.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3600_state.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3600_state.html</A> <P>Good luck.

Congrats on your newly found independence and no doubt great looking set of wheels. <P>What have you got to lose?<P>Sanity? Probably lost that already.<BR>Heart? Already broken<BR>Independence? Now that you've got it, it's hard to give up.<BR>Marriage? sounds like it is already lost too.<P>Go for it, you'll know what you really want when you find it. Go into the session w/ an open mind and a Plan A type of attitude. You'll do great. <P>------------------<BR>Allen<P>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

A heart can only take so much.

Tired LuLu,<P>You are right, a heart can only take so much. But how much depends on the person. It also depends on how much of that pain we can dump onto others. That's why we are all on this board. To vent, talk, cry, laugh, to dump the pain in our hearts on to our collective hearts and souls, to distribute the hurt among all of us, so that each of us can accept a little more pain from our spouses until we turn that corner and rebuilding starts.<BR>There is a song on the radio now by Martina McBride called "Love's the only house big enough for all the pain in the world." The people on this board love each other because we are sharing the worst pain in our lives together and we are willing and able to shoulder each other's pain in order to move on with our lives. We are inviting everyone down to our "house of love" to share their pain with us so that we can help.<BR>So I'm saying your personal heart can only take so much, but share your pain with all of us and soon you'll see you can take a little more pain and hopefully we can all get what we want and need out of this board. Strong loving marriages with our spouses.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Allen<P>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Trying<P>I agree with Sparkydog, go for it. Whats the worst that could happen?? I went for it 5 years ago when me and H split for a year (we were not married then) . I went for anything for closure to things, and wound up falling in love all over again. It can happen!! <P>My prayers are with you !

Thanks to all for your input! Well, last night, we talked alittle, and I asked him, "if it wasn't for the kids do you think that we have ANYTHING in common?" At first he thought we did, but then when talking about it he realized as I have that we have nothing in common. We don't like to do the same things, we wouldn't hang in the same circles, and we wouldn't have the same friends. We were both just silent afterwards TOO SILENT and me TOO SAD. I just don't see how we can go forward when we are so emotionally seperated and it feels we have outgrown eachother. Realizing that made me really sad last night. I think he could tell, but of course he didn't ask me or bring it up as usual.

Just a quick note to say that trying to find common ground when that ground is shaking is going to be really hard. Just relax, go to counseling, and go from there. It will be much easier to learn to like the other spouse's activities when you actually like each other again. Good luck. Keep smiling <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

t24g,<P>Congratulations on your new car. That's the spirit! You should post this in the Triumph thread!<P>It sounds like you have both changed your mind about counceling. I don't always think being different means that it can't work. I know many people who have married thier opposites and are very happy. If he askes you to go to counceling again I would go. I would at least go to a few sessions to see what happens. <P>Sometimes among all these mess its hard to remember that there was something that connected the two of you at all. There must have been something? Maybe you have both just forgot what that was?<P>Acacia