This started out as a reply to Bill's post about three days into plan B, but I realized it was an update on where I am at. <P>Thought I would share it with all of you.<P>It will be hard, expect the following:<P>The first couple of weeks you feel good, knowing in your mind you are doing "something". In your mind you will be waiting for her call, and you know you will feel great when it happens.<P>Then, one of two things will happen. She will either call after a few weeks (months?) or she will not. <BR> <BR>Here is what happened to me:<P>After a month, she still had not called. Even though I felt pretty good for those four weeks, the reality of her not needing me sunk in. I felt worse then ever.<P>I started feeling that I had no control over some other guy taking my love. I felt helpless, and really sank into depression. I felt that every minute we were not together, she was getting closer to the OM. This was killing me and perhaps I was not ready for Plan B. <P>I don't think she ever would have called, but I sent her a single rose for V day and then she called. (Breaking all of the Plan B rules)<P>We talked about the problems we had in the realtionship and somehow it made me feel better at the time. It hurts that she is working on making her new realtionship better based on our experience, and that she had all these issues that she never discussed with me until she found someone new. <P>She spoke of everything in the past tense, and I think she felt my rose was "peace offering", not a romantic gesture. It seems she is further along in the healing process then me. Which is logical, since she is with someone else, and her life really has not been completetly changed like mine.<P>Also, I believe she is convinced that we never could have made things work even if she had made an honest effort at it. Again, when you are having all your emotonal needs met, I think it is a lot easier to have this opinion. When you are loney and hurting, you believe any issue could have been resolved. This is something we obviously will not agree on at this time. We are approaching this from two different view points. <P>I am now starting to feel resentfull again, based on her inability to work on things, and her "lining up" someone new prior to even discussing our problems. <P>She did not have the strength to walk away until she not only found someone she might be interested in, but made sure he was a pretty good bet, by dating him for four months first. This really hurts.<P>I am starting to miss her less however, ( I think the resentment helps, and takes some of my own guilt away) and I am thinking about dating again.<P>Oh well, thats how things worked for me, and where I am at. I guess the only real advice I can give is that Jim is right. Even with "no contact" (sort of) it will be a roller coaster ride of feelings.<P>Thanks for listening guys.

Joe,<BR>hi friend, don't let you resentment put you back in the hole you were in a few weeks ago, if you feel like going out on a date you should, but I would not look for any thing serious off the bat since you are hurting and it has been a while since anyone has fulfilled any of your need it will be easy for you to get hurt again I know people are probably thinking for me to shut up but you know I only have you best interest at heart, if you need to chat you know where I am <BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

Joe,<P>I pretty much went through the same emotions. I still have a hard time sometimes believing that I am divorced from the love of my life and that she is living with another man. Sometimes it all seems like a bad dream.<P>I am reading a book "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends" by Dr. Bruce Fisher, and it explains alot of the emotions that we must go through so that we are able to rebuild.<P>Hang in there.<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

J J

J J<P>Just wanted to tell you that I agree, its a terrible thing when our spouses, have this new "inner strength" to walk away. We know that had this OP not come into our lives, this wouldn't be happening. Thats why its so easy to blame the OP. I feel the same way about my H. He would have NEVER left, and we had a wonderful life. Just because some bimbo comes around putting him on a pedestal, all of a sudden "we have issues".<P>I admire your strenght, can't identify with the resentment, but hope you will still be here when I am on Plan B. Kind of don't think I am on any plan right now. Neither A or B. I talked to my H but now I am dodging his calls. Maybe I am on a A- plan.<P>Prayers are with you that you find something in this life to make you happy again . Hopefully your W, if not, you deserve like all of us, to love and be loved again.<BR>

JJ,<P>Reassessment is always a good thing. <P>Re-delving into the bad feelings... anxiety... resentment... can have it's place as a protection mechanism (watch out for rebound)...<P>...but in time... you will heal even more...<P>It's kind of like a broken bone... after time has taken it's course... it can be even stronger than before... (not true of all marriages... but it <B>can</B> be true of us since <B>we</B> can control our lives!)<P>Prayers my friend... <P>Jim

Lonely mom,<P>I guess we are in the same boat. The OP clouds all judgement. My ex can't seem to see taht in a year or so, the "newness" will wear off of her new realtionship, and then what will she do? Start seeing the next guy that pays her more attention? She does not grasp that this is when the realtionship requires work and communication. <P>She really believes what she is doing is right. She said to me when she duped me, "I m doing us both a favor".<P>Why didn't she do "us" this favor before she started seeing OM?<P>I have probably met 20 women over the time we were together I could be interested in. But I didin't persue them. That's what commitment is all about.<P>I hope thinks work out for you, I know you are hurting as well.<P>I really do feel like dating, and I may go out with someone this weekend. I think it will help me feel "special" for a change. I think I deserve it. On the other hand, I don't went to do anything that will hurt someone else, or just mask my own feelings.<P>We will see.<P>Jim,<P>You always have such great words of advice. Thank you so much my friend.<P>I spoke with my counselor about my sorrow over both my ex's and my inability to work on things until it was too late. He had some interesting thoughts I will leave with you.<P>"You didn't know, you didn't know" how to properly work on this realtionship.<P>also,<P>"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear" - Hindu saying.<P>Interesting, Huh?<P>I hope you are feeling better, I have not seen an update on you in a while, where do you stand with your court date?<P>Godd Luck and God Bless,<P>JJ <P>