Hi there,<P>I would love you to help me out with the 'patience' bit !!!!!<P>I need all the help I can get.<P>I've just phd him, as he didn't ph last night which is very unusual for him. I wanted to make sure he was OK, to make sure Kylie 'boil the rabbit' hadn't killed him !!!!!<P>Yep, I'm undecided about what I would do if he wanted to talk reconciliation.<BR>The reasons for this are that:<P>1. he is the biggest conflict avoider I have ever known, it runs in his family. (His parents don't talk to me, as I was in the wrong for leaving. Hello, he got a new woman, didn't want me or our marriage, but i'm the one in the wrong !! They've just swept it all under the carpet and are seriously praying to wake up and find it was all a bad dream... Go figure....)<P>2. He is a shocking communicator. If ever we were having 'words', he would remain silent. I would say 'can't you say something'<BR>he would say 'what do you want me to say'<BR>I would say 'anything is better than nothing'<BR>etc etc etc. <P>3. Do I want to go backwards, to that type of relationship. It really wore me out, being the only communicator in a relationship. I made it so clear to him that we needed to find a way to communicate when we were having a tiff. He really only shut down when we were having an arguement, when times were good and happy, we communicated all the time, and well. We were friends, which I believe is the basis of any relationship. He was my best friend, and I believe I was his.<P>Anyway, would love to talk more to you<BR>I've just got back from the coast, where I visited my parents (and paid my car registration - big whack of money that I DO NOT have !!!!!!)<BR>My time on this site seems to be so sporadic, but I do try to keep up with everyone.<P>much love and hugs to you, and talk to you soon<P>Jo

Jo,<BR>Hi Maybe we can work on the patience thing together. I marrried a conflict avoider too, but I am sort of one myself up to a certain point then watchout. I am in the process of movin again. I have been living with my daughter and her family since H left the last of July. I haven't been able to faind a full time job here. My parents have moved in with my sister and their house is empty so I am moving there. It is close to Tulsa, OK so I have started looking for work there. I think having my own place again will help me a lot. <P>Remember that it is a slow process that wakes them up. I think my H is begining to see the glimmer of light but I am not sure. You didn't say how your H was when you called.<P>As for as wheeeether you want to reconcile take it slow don't close the door. You probably won't know that answer till it really comes up. We can all say we will do this or that but until it really happens we don't know how we will act.<P>Well, I have to get ready to go to work. (part-time job) If you wan to talk more email me at diseiler@hotmail.com Love to hear from you Lots of {{{HUGS}}} <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi Di,<P>thanks for that.<BR>I tried to get back on last night (Fri) but had friends drop by, and stay until midnight. <BR>I'm just about to take myself and my 2 girls to the hairdresser - what a test that should be. Mummy sitting very 'pretty' while 2 children run havoc !!!! Very relaxing time ahead, I'm sure.<P>I will email you, probably tonight when I've put the kiddlywinks in bed.<P>H was seemingly fine yesterday, I think he is worn out, both physically and emotionally. He sounds tired. He sounded quite emotional at one point, but didn't take the conversation any further. I said I was sending him a hug thru the ph. and he couldn't believe I said that. He made some comment like it was very impressive that I could still do that. !!!<P>I could go down 100 different roads, thinking he meant this or that, but I decided long ago that I would take whatever he said at face value, and not read anything into anything!! So far it's worked, and I think I've saved myself a lot of heartache.<P>I'm glad your living arrangements will fall into place for you. It sounds quite ideal, as far as ideal can be in our situation.<P>Tulsa is Oklahoma isn't it ?? I seem to remember that from an Elvis Presley movie !!!<P>Take care of you, and we'll talk soon<P>big hugs your way<P>Jo