Morning Everyone. I figured we could use some more jokes around here.....<BR>Happy Friday,<BR>B<P><B>Pigs in a Bar</B><P>A pig walked into a bar and asked, "Do you serve root beer?"<BR> <BR>The bartender said he did.<BR> <BR>"I'd like one, please," the pig said.<BR> <BR>After the pig had finished, he asked to use the rest room.<BR> <BR>After the pig left, another pig came in and asked for two<BR>root beers. This pig then asked for the rest room just like<BR>the first one had. Two more pigs came in. One ordered three<BR>root beers and the other four. They too used the rest room.<BR> <BR>When a fifth pig came in, the bartender thought he'd get<BR>cute. "Let me guess, you want five root beers."<BR> <BR>The pig was shocked. "Why, yes. Yes, I would."<BR> <BR>When he was done, he started to walk out. The bartender was<BR>confused. "Don't you want to use the rest room like the other<BR>four pigs did?"<BR> <BR>"No, I'm the fifth little piggy. I go wee-wee-wee all the way<BR>home."<P><P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Here is one.<P>Two guys are talking and the first one asks his friend...<P>"If you found out that they were going to drop the A-bomb on us tommorow what would be the first thing that you would do?<P>He replied, "I would make mad passionate love to the first thing that moved. What would you do?<P>His friend said, "Stand very still"!

SIGNS FOUND IN KITCHENS<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<P>1. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.<P>2. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.<P>3. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.<P>4. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.<P>5. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.<P>6. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.<P>7. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.<P>8. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.<P>9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines.<P>

THE QUICK GOAT<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<P>There were two men out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing.<BR>They searched and found a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something still larger and finally found a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in.<P>While waiting for the railroad tie to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!<P>The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them.<BR>He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them!<P>The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be *my* goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."<P>

AGE IS FUNNY<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~<P>Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?<P>If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I’m four and a half!"<BR>You’re never 36 and a half....you’re four and a half going on five!<BR>That’s the key.<P>You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I’m gonna be 16!" You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.<P>And then the greatest day of your life happens.... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.... you BECOME 21...YES!!!<P>But then you turn 30....ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk.... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now. What’s wrong?? What changed??<P>You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40..... stay over there, it’s all slipping away........ You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50.....and start wondering when your life slipped by.<P>Then you MAKE IT to 60.....you didn’t think you’d make it!!!! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60......<P>Then you build up so much speed you HIT 70! After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday....<P>You get into your 80’s, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother won’t even buy green bananas... it’s an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.<P>And it doesn’t end there.... into the 90’s you start going backwards.... "I was JUST 92..."<P>Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.... "I’m 100 and a half!!!!"<P>

DIVINE GUIDANCE<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<P>An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery.<P>One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.<P>"This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, 'Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.'"<P>"And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"<BR>

OOPS<BR>~~~~<P>A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend. Everything was too expensive, except for a broken glass vase which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.<P>In due time, the man received an acknowledgement from his friend. "Thanks for the vase," it read. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."<BR>