My love for my wife is dwindling fast. She continues to lead the double life. Having her cake and eat it too. She continues to decieve still acting as nothing has occured with OM but I know for facts that it has happened. Still living with her brother for now. Coming here everyday to see the kids, have dinner, get clothes but gives me excuses to go and i haven't confronted at all. On Wed. she had a necklace on and i asked where it was from she said a valentine present and i said that it wasn't right for her to accept a gift from OM and i told her how much it hurt and she said she was sorry and didn't wear it to hurt me and she hasn't worn it since. I've been plan a'ing since November and it is getting real hard to look at her without exploding. Especially now that the affair has moved to physical last weekend and she still acts like everything is the same. Meaning she is trying to find herself and be happy. This morning my daughter told me that she met a friend OM's daughter!!!! I told my wife a long time ago that i didn't want him around OM so they wouldn't get confused and she acted like she understood this but i guess not. Now i don't even want to let my wife have the kids at all but it's not fair to the kids. And since we are not suppose to confront in PLAN A how do i do it anyways. <BR>I know she is in fantasy land but man i don't know if PLAN a is going to work on her since she is getting everything she wants from the both of us. She is going to see her mom tomorrow and i think her mom is going to confront her so i know i don't want to say anything today but she is going to be spending the day with me and some friends. I will be biting my tongue all night and plan a'ing but in the next week or two i won't be. I DON"T WANT TO HATE HER AND IT IS STARTING TO FEEL THAT WAY!!!!<P>Derek

(((((((Derek))))))<P>I believe you may indeed need Plan B...<P>if your love for her is truly being impacted, and the affair has now escalated to physical (this past weekend??!?...unbelievable), it may be the only thing to do to save any love you have left....<P>remember, Plan B is for YOU...to salvage your love....<P>for more info on plan B read Patientlove's post further down on the boasrd, Jim (NSR) gives her links to Plan B...follow those...<P>hold on, my friend, the ride is worthwhile if you truly love her....<P><BR>Dylan

Derek,<P>Welcome to where the rubber meets the road...<BR>I have been in plan-n fr a week now...<BR>Make sure you do everything you can plan for it...<BR>Write a letter...See mine in the plan-a/b forum...Use any of it you choose...I had much help from many people here on the boards..<P>Think about a few things before you make this move...<P>When was the last time you committed any <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>?<P>Will this feel like punishment to your wife?<P>Are you ready for <B>ZERO</B> contact?<P>Take your time planning for this move..Set a date in which you will make the move...Definatly write a letter...<BR>Be prepared for some major league resntments..<P>If you want get my email address from the email exchange thread and I will be glad to offer any further help I possibly can...<P>Remember plan-b is for you.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I think plan B is a good idea at this point too. At least she will have to think about what she is doing and what she may loose. It also sounds like it be less stressful for you and I have come to realize that is very important too. Take care of yourself and your kids.<P>Good luck and keep us posted.

She went out with me and some friends last night acted like nothing was different, we had a good time, its so damn weird. She went to her moms today and her mom is confronting her today. Let's see where this takes us. I went to church today and it really helped reaffirm my faith that we will make it in his grace but its so hard at other times.<BR>souless, thanks for encouragement, i am going to need it. i am probably going to try to wait a little longer for Plan b and plan everything out.<BR>WilliamJ- Very few love busters have occured on my side but i am not going to do it to punish her but to save my love for her. It will probably feel like punishment to her but i hope it is a wake up call for her. It is going to be hard to Plan B with the kids so i know i need to have everything planned and taken care of before i do it.<BR>Acacia- thanks for the thought, i am holding on to my kids but sometimes they are why i get so mad at her, to leave me here to do everything for a 1 and 3 year old, I LOVE THEM TO DEATH but it is so hard to do especially by yourself and with the stress. If i am correcting them and i feel myself getting so angry and its not cause what they are doing its just everything building up. Sometimes i wonder if i should of left her and let her see what she has to go through by herself at home with the kids and the housework w/o me to help cook,clean,laundry, and care for the kids but i didn't. But i wonder if it would have helped her realize what she is doing earlier than she is going too.

any thoughts????

It sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Yes plan, plan plan!<P>Also as stressful as it is, be happy you have your kids. She is missing a lot not being with them. Is it possilbe to get some outside help with the house work? I know that where I live people will clean your house for about $50. Even if you just do it 2x a week at least you don't have to worry about vacuuming and everything else.<P>Is there any one who can watch your kids for you for a few hours so that you can get away for a bit.<P>Better yet can you negotiate with you W that she watch the kids one day or night each week so that you can get some time to decompress?<P>Maybe you should work that into plan B.<P>Hope this helps.<P>Acacia

It sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Yes plan, plan plan!<P>Also as stressful as it is, be happy you have your kids. She is missing a lot not being with them. Is it possilbe to get some outside help with the house work? I know that where I live people will clean your house for about $50. Even if you just do it 2x a MONTH at least you don't have to worry about vacuuming and everything else.<P>Is there any one who can watch your kids for you for a few hours so that you can get away for a bit.<P>Better yet can you negotiate with you W that she watch the kids one day or night each week so that you can get some time to decompress?<P>Maybe you should work that into plan B.<P>Hope this helps.<P>Acacia