Well, here I am again. My W and I went to our first counseling session. They want to put me on "happy pills" I dont like thinking of it. But they are right. Right now the pain I am felling about my dear wife and him is far greater than my tolerances will allow. Am I suicidal? I think so. Ever since I found out (2 wks ago) not a day has past when I felt like ending it. I feel like I have nothing left to give. And nothing I can do for my wife. Her feelings toward him are far greater than toward me. They dont talk, or see each other, but they still email. And I am crushed whenever I notice it. I have asked her to stop for us, I guess she is not ready for us yet, it is still them. Her greiving period for him is not over yet, for what HE gave her and I never did. I have been desperatly trying to give her my true emotions to her. I have never given them to her before. And now it is only suffocating her and pushing her away. I truly love her and dont want to hurt her. But I want her to start trying on us, insted of remembering him. Is it unfair to ask? Every thing I do is overboard. I donot know how to control my emotions, but I am trying. It hurts, but I am trying.Please do not slam her. She is a good person. And I love her. I need a friend to talk to but she pushes away. I want my wife as my friend again.<P>[This message has been edited by dukhntr (edited February 19, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by dukhntr (edited February 19, 2000).]

Hi, hang in there, it will take some time to figure out all this. Two weeks, is not enough time. Use this site and learn how to build a better marriage. You two sound like you are headed in the right direction, although, yes better if W cut off ties with the internet man. Prayers are with you.

I think the pills will help you as much as you don't want to take them. Lonely Mom is right read as much as you can on this site. You are in a tough spot since your W still has contact with the OM.<P>Your first goal should be to get her to agree to no-contact. Dr. Harly has a book called Surviving an Affair that many people on this site consider the bible to reconciliation. It will give you two ways to go about getting to this agreement. (Plan A and Plan B) See the articles on both plans on this site.<P>I also like the book "Love must be tough" by James Dobson. I actually read this book and used its strategy before I found this site. It was very helpful to me.<P>In addition a book that I got right after I found out helped me understand the shock and the deeply depression feelings I was having (emotionally and physically) It is called After the Affair.<P>I highly recommend you start with this book because it will help you understand what you are going through and what to expect. It gives some pretty insightful answers into the most common questions people in our situations have.<P>Good luck. We will all be your electronic support group. I can't tell you what the people on this board mean to me. Everyone is very helpful and supportive. There are both betrayed people here as well as betrayers so you can get a perspective from both sides. But everyone here has the same goal -saving thier marriage.<P>Acacia

dukhntr,<BR> I've just been through what you are going through (3 months since discovery), when I came home in the middle of the night from a deer hunting trip and found my wife and her boss sleeping in our bed. I think the thing that has given me the most strength through this ordeal is reading some of the great books on this subject that are listed elsewhere on this site, as well as the encouragement and advice given here when asked for. Sometimes its hard to think clearly under the stress we're under and having someone else to bounce things off of is a great help. Try not to overreact and suffocate your wife with attention. I also did that and its a common reaction. But I found out how it felt as my mother would call me every night to see how I was doing, when I would only talk to her twice a month before. Finally had to tell her to cut back a little even though I appreciated her intentions. But reading was a real help for me as it was a positive use of my time and gave me an understanding of what I needed to do to make our marriage work. Good luck, I'm<BR>thinking of you and praying for the best for you. Keep 'em flying!!!<BR> gale