*<p>[This message has been edited by Being a better Arik (edited February 21, 2000).]

I have never posted to you before, although I have followed your story. Your last line, "Not everyone does what people say is right" was said to me by my ex just 2 weeks ago. This tells me that you are rationalizing to yourself everything that you are doing. My family has been ripped apart by this divorce and I can't describe to you the pain my children have been through. I hope you can begin to appreciate your family, I am so afraid you are going to lose them all. My ex is already an outsider, my children see him differently and I don't think he can ever repair it. Your children will be affected for the rest of their lives if you make the wrong choice. I'll ask you what I asked my ex, 20 years from now, how do you want your children to remember you? If you leave your marriage, that will be the main thing they will think of, no matter how close you try to stay to them, or how much you do for them. They will never feel that their dad is the same to them, once you leave the home, the relationship is altered forever.<P>AD<P>

<P><BR>*<p>[This message has been edited by Being a better Arik (edited February 21, 2000).]

I am not trying to beat you up. I just wish you could step back and look at the bigger picture, which I know is hard when your emotions are involved. I just think as you get older, you will have a lot of regret if you leave your family. I honestly think that while the pain will be terrible for them, in the long run you will suffer the most. I know you probably feel so torn, and that this mess has gone on forever, but if you ride out the storm, who knows what happiness will be on the other side? This may sound like a cliche, but I don't think you would ever regret doing what is right. I am not condemning you, I admire you for coming here and being honest. Sometimes I think you say all these things because you need to hear these honest replies, and it keeps you from making a big mistake. I hope you can hang on.<P>Ad

Arik,<P>Why are you sorry? Honestly? Because you wrote it in the first place? Because I notice you deleted your post... you shouldn't do that, you know why? You need to be able to go back and see how you were feeling on a given day, a given moment! Like a diary, or a journal. <P>Arik, you're here. You know people here want to see marriages succeed, that is why they are here. When you post something about OW, and about doing what is right, you've got to know that there will be some anger. It isn't with you, it is with your *actions*. <P>Please, please... do your W a favor... love her.

Hi there...<P>I have been read more 'self-help' on affairs and such than I care to admit. All have been helpful to me. The one book I would like to suggest to you is not based on affairs at all. It has been a wonderful book and may help you see things clearer for you. The book is 'Life Strategies' by Phillip McGraw. I have really enjoyed the book and see myself clearer now. I am able to admit the negative things as well as the possitive, and I have learned how to concentrate on the positive. I do hope you pick it up and read it. I pray for your self-knowledge and self-respect. We are all good people. We all make mistakes and screw-up. We also have the knowledge and control to change... but only when we are ready. I hope this book will help you to move forward into a positive recovery. I prayers are with you.

OMG, I pull myself back into this again! Eek!!! <P>When H and I were in counseling, I sat down and began relating my history...expecting Freud to say, "tell me about your mother...."<P>He didn't. Our counselor said, "Why do you really feel the need to bring your separate past into marriage counseling? Your past is yours; it's what makes you 'you' today. How about we start from now, and work this out?" It was a total revelation for me. I was dwelling on stuff that WAS in my past, and keeping it the spotlight blocking our happiness. I have control over "me." <P>Take control of "you," Arik. The best part of you. Conquer the worst.

Okay Arik or 2soulmates, <P>Just do it. Go,run a thousand miles to your married/infidel OW. You're all set now anyway, with no plan to do what people SAY is right. I get that Arik. What people SAY is right and what actaully IS right, well to you,two different things. After all, we don't know the great and wonderful Chrissie.<P>You told FC you're waiting for your Plan B letter. You're going to force Nicole into this aren't you? Is that what you mean by deserving what the future brings?<P>Your other post, deleted or not, said: "Chrissie, Chrissie, Chrissie, I want Chrissie, wah,wah,wah. Gee, hope Nicole doesn't Plan B me."<P>It's been months Arik. You have yet to break contact and give your marriage a shot. You know all of it, you just want what you want. Chrissie and MB help with getting to Plan B. <BR>There, I said it. <BR>

Arik,<P>Oh screw it why waste my time...you don't give a **** about anyone but yourself...Sorry dude I mean no harsh disrepect...<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited February 20, 2000).]

Arik,<P>I too have been following your story, but haven't responded. I didn't feel I needed to, as everyone had already said what I wanted too over and over again.<P>You don't seem to want to listen. But I must say some things to you anyway. <P>Please Arik, understand that I try to never be harsh with anyone here, I don't always make it but I try. I hope you will forgive me if I am too harsh with you.<P>Arik, <B>have you lost your mind ?!?!?! </B><BR>Do you know what many of the men and women on this board would do to have a spouse like yours ?<P>Let me tell you what happened when my h chose ow # 1 over me. <P>She was cheating on him within two weeks of him leaving me for her. after they had been together for a year and a half, he found out that she had been sleeping his best friend for 8 months. She left him for his friend.<P>He gave it all up to be with her Arik, his wife, his son, even most of his family.<P>All the time knowing he had left a wife who loved him more than life it's self.<P>No one can change your mind Arik, but I will tell you this, if you push Nicole into giving you a plan b letter, you may <B>NEVER</B> get her back.<P>What will you do Arik if after a time she meets someone else, and things don't work out with ow ? Then what ? <P>I'm sorry Arik, but you are hurting her and you know it, yet you continue to do it. IMHO that is nothing short of cruel. <P>Why do you want to throw away a woman that many men would give thier lives to find one like ?<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>