I just dont know anymore. All this second guessing has made me belive that this would not have happened if I had given my wife what she really needed in the 8 yrs together. Why was I so blind to not listen to her emotional needs? I have always loved her. But never in the "now" I was always planning for our happily ever after life, kids move out, me retiring early, just the two of us. I never really told her that I love her, so she found someone who did. I have ALWAYS loved her. Now I have to fight for any emotion from her for me. The other day she walked past and squeezed my shoulder. OH! What a feeling. I will remember that for the rest of my life. At that time (1-2 sec.) she was thinking of me. Then the rest of the day I felt invisible. Is it fair to say I am the one to be blamed for lot giving her, her emotional needs in 8 yrs? Thats how I feel. I dont know if it will change because I feel so bad for doing this for our time together.<P>------------------<BR>I love you hon. You are my everything.<p>[This message has been edited by dukhntr (edited February 20, 2000).]

It is NOT your fault that your wife had an affair. No matter what you did or didn't do, you didn't deserve this. The choice to have an affair is just that, a choice....and it is made only by the person involved in the affair. It doesn't matter how many need went unnoticed or unmet, blame for an affair only belongs to the person who had it.<P>You are wise to see your blame in the state of your marriage however....and that and the affair are two entangled, but separate issues. Your marriage needed work, with or without an affair. I suggest continuing to do the self-examination you are doing with regards to your marriage....try to separate it from the affair. Work to make personal changes and show your wife that you want to build something new with her. Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and encourage her to read it with you. I think you'll find good information in a practical, useful format.<P><P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31<P>

NO. It is not your fault that your wife had an affair! It is not my husband's fault that I had an affair. HGBrawner "hit the nail on the head" when he said that the blame for the affair belongs to your wife. Sure, your marriage needed work (just like my marriage needs/needed work). But, NOTHING can justify your spouse's (or my) unfaithfulness. NO ONE deserves to be cheated on! Stop blaming yourself, and start taking the steps necessary to work towards having a better marriage.<P>I'm so sorry for the pain that you are suffering. I pray that your broken heart will be mended. I pray that you can see past the pain and begin healing.<P>Jill

Life has ben good to me the last two days. My wife and I have been getting along well. I feel as though its because we're sick of talking about this. We keep finding ourselves talking in circles. I still think its my fault. Thank you for saying otherwise though, its nice to hear. One thing though, My wife wants to go to this thing and I want to go as a supporter. She doesnt want me to go because HE will be there. She says she does not want to make an uncomfortable situation. But I dont care. I just want to go as a supporter. He means nothing to me right now, I just want my wife to see I care About what she does in her life. I want to be there when she recieves her "atta girls". Am I wrong for wanting to go?? she said if I go she isnt.<P>------------------<BR>I love you hon. You are my everything.