Being the 'snoop' that I am I switched cell phones w/H while he was gone. Just intercepted phone message from OW. My hands are shaking so badly it is hard to type....<P>She must have been away from home for a few days because 'she was sorry she had missed all his calls. So if he could <B>get away</B> he should call her today. she missed him.' <P>He has been fairly affectionate w/ me since I picked him up at the airport on Friday night. I don't know what to do!!! I feel like trying to 'confront' him but know that it would push him away again. Is he only being affectionate w/me because she hasn't been in touch? <P>I need to know what his intentions are. Is he going to stay, or move out again after he is able to save up some funds? I don't know if I can put up with the OW still being in contact with him....it sounds like he has been the one trying to contact her - but of course he always tries to make it sound like she's the one calling him....ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!<P>What do I really want besides some peace? I do still love him, but I feel like such a idiot letting him have it both ways. Help!!<P>I'm afraid that I will give it to him with both barrels (if I had a shotgun - no, I don't mean that). It hurts so bad for him to show me 'some' affection and then have those good feelings ripped away. I wish I could cry....I don't seem to have many tears left.<p>[This message has been edited by RCoaster (edited February 20, 2000).]

RCoaster,<P>I don't know what to tell you, but just wanted to let you know I feel for you and I'll pray for you. <P>AD

RC,<BR>I honestly don't know what to tell you. My brains not thinking too clearly now. If it were me today, I would have the locks changed and his things thrown out on the lawn when he got home. But, like I said, the mood isn't too good here. <P>Take some time to think about what you want. If you can confront him without losing it, try that and see what he says. <P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Thanks for the responses.<P>Mitzi - I responded to your post and I feel for you today too. Yeah, I feel like dumping on him right now. I don't know....<BR>He's coming back from visiting his dad in just a few so that I can go grocery shopping, but I'm afraid that that's when he'll call OW. With my kids here in the house......it really makes me - sad - not really mad - it hurts. If he didn't call her already that is.<P>It would be so much easier if he would be truthful with me. It would hurt, yes, but at least I'd know what I was really up against. Does he still want our marriage? Sometimes I think so and others I just want to tell him Go to her if that's what would really make you happy and so that I can move past this nightmare. I'll come back later<P>Love, Hope and Prayers to everyone hurting today......I need all these and more, myself, and know that many of you do today also.<P>Claire

RC,<P>Keep repeating this to yourself...<P>He's here with me because he WANTS to be with me<P>If he really wanted to be with OW, he would not still be with you. <P>This gives you the advantage over her. Fill his Love Bank to overflowing you are the one who will enjoy basking in the overflow! <P>I know it's hard to do. I'm one of the worst LB'rs on this board. <P>Keo

To Keo (and anyone else)<P>Don't know if I can anymore. I just want to have this resolved one way or the other. Either he tells her there is no more between them or there is no more between H and I. (except the kids, of course) I can't do it anymore, it hurts too bad. He just denies, and denies and denies.<P>I truly believe, right now, that he is here because of the kids. It's not enough for me anymore.

Oh Rc,<P>you poor poor thing.<P>I know EXACTLY where you are at - it was at that point that I left Melb and moved to Brisbane. I just couln't take anymore of the to-ing and fro-ing. My H worked with OW, so saw her everyday. It killed me knowing he wanted to be with her, and was with her 8-10 hours a day. Had lunch with her, and caught the tram to and from work with her.......<P>Anyway, THAT is not what you want to hear right now. Suffice to say, I understand where you are at. You just get so tired of the not knowing, that anything is acceptable to make it go away.<P>That's ok.<P>I do wish I had found this site while I was still living with him, as my actions may have been a little different. I say 'may', because I'm not sure. I still may have left, as I was at breaking point, but who knows...<P>This site has given me so much support, so much new found knowledge, so much insight into human behaviours, and so many dear and beautiful friends. I count you as one of them.<P>As far as the phone calls go, why do you not just tell your H exactly what transpired. I know it's easy for me to sit here, and say this, as I am now at the point where H & I can discuss/talk about 'some' things without losing all semblance of rationality. However, honesty is always the best policy, and even tho ALL the honesty is coming from you at the moment, it may be the way to go. At the least, he will know, that you know, that contact with OW is still occurring.<P>I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but having been there and done that, I know nothing does.<P>Just know that I am thinking of you, and praying for your situaiton to improve. I'll also pray for a little bit of peace for you. I know how much in short supply that is.......<P>Please take care of you, I'm thinking of you, and sending you a big big hug<P>Jo<P>