I confronted my wife on New Years Day with the evidence of her EA. I found out by snooping in her purse looking for diet pills or laxatives. (She has an eating disorder which I suspected had reared it's ugly head again). I was right in my suspicions regarding the eating disorder, and was shocked to find love notes and cards from the OM, who was supposed to be my friend.<P>I have posted a few times and have taken great comfort from the replies. I have lurked a great deal here.<P>My wife is still in that "confused" state. When I first confronted her, I told her that she could have no contact with the OM. She resents me still for that, even though she sees him every Monday at work. <P>We had a talk last Friday about things where I engaged in a few LBs. I had been doing so good too. She brought up the fact that on the previous Monday (Valentines Day) he had left some CDs for her and a magazine for my son while he was at her work. She had not brought them home yet. I told her that she could do what she wanted (LB - She took this to mean that I was "giving her permission") I meant that I can not control her actions.<P>Our talk swung around to the topic of working on our relationship. I told her that I thought when she was ready to work on our relationship, she should let me know. She stated that she HAD been working on our relationship. The remainder of the evening was spent with her jabbing me verbally about how "we were not working on our relationship". I told her that we could work on our relationship, but that reconcilliation was not a possibility as long as she had contact with the OM. I defined reconcilliation as a willingness to work on the marriage to the conclusion of our lives and forgiveness for all past actions between us. <P>I then told her (Big LB) that I felt that every time she allowed contact between them, she was deciding that contact with him was more important that hurting me and our family. She told me that she would not make the same mistake of telling me about their contact. I told her that I much prefer open honesty to deception.<P>My wife is a very sick (physically) person, who has a condition in which she can not eat. (Her stomach does not digest food, except in very small amounts over very long periods of time). She is still practicing her eating disorder (Diet pills and laxatives) even with this stomach disorder. Her brain and body are starving. She hides the eating disorder from me, but I have found evidence from snooping. I feel that if I were to confront her with this new evidence, I would just drive her away even further, probably to him, where he would have no idea of her condition and she could practice her addiction until she ended up in the hospital<P>It seems that she withdrawals from me more each day. She has slept on the couch since New Years Day (except for twice) and we have been on many "ups and downs". She asked me last night if I thought she was bad for keeping stuff that the OM had given her. I told her that I thought she was just confused. I told her also that I see so much good in her and that good people sometimes make bad decisions. She asked me if I thought we would ever be friends again. It seems that right now, that is all she wants - to work on just being friends. <P>She rarely tells me what she is feeling or thinking except in the context of something going on in daily life, rarely anything about "US". <P>I woke up this morning and checked her balance in my Love Bank and noticed that there had been a withdrawal sometime during the night.<P>If this post is long, I apologize. I sometimes get verbose when venting. I really could use some words of encouragement right now. I feel so lonely in this world, and have no where else to vent.
