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#848781 02/21/00 05:35 PM
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 2
J
Junior Member
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J Offline
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 2
I should have posted this to the Early years forum, but nothing ever gets answered out there, so I'm going to try it here.<P>This is a question for those virgins who got married to partners who were not virgins. I'm engaged right now, to the most wonderful woman in the world. We have already worked through some premarital counseling books, including the 4 gifts of love, and we have both read and discussed his needs, her needs, etc. Things are going wonderfull, and I'm looking forward to a very happy marriage.<BR>Now for the detail: I'm a virgin, but she isn't. Not that I need to go into detail, but she slept with someone once in her late teens, not even really a boyfriend. Our relationship is long, long, long distance, she lives in the midwest, and I live on the east coast. When we are together, I always feel fantastic and stuff, but when we are apart (which is pretty much all the time) I'm usually down, and for some reason the fact that she's not a virgin can get to me. We are both christians, and we have not slept together, nor will we until we get married. My question is: Will I feel differently, i.e., will the negative feelings, the thoughts of her with someone else, go away or diminish after we get married? Is this something that will bug me at odd moments forever, or does it fade with time? I know that she loves me more than anything or anyone, but sometimes its a little frustrating *feeling* like I'm working hard to come in second place. I want to stress these are only feelings, I really love and respect her, and it drives me nuts, because everything is so perfect, and I feel like a jerk having for feeling like this occasionally. Has anyone been in this situation? What were your feelings before you got married, and how did things change after you got married? Any input would be greatly appreciated!

#848782 02/21/00 06:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
K
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
OK, I've never been in your situation, but I'll reply anyway, as I once had this conversation with a dear friend of mine. After they married, she was afraid he worried about all the things you do now. His response was that that was all in the past and she was his wife now, so why should that matter to him? A very secure, mature attitude.<BR>My concern for you is in your words:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I know that she loves me more than anything or anyone, but sometimes its a little frustrating *feeling* like I'm working<BR>hard to come in second place. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If she is gladly choosing to marry you, you have no reason to feel like you are coming in in second place. And, to tell you the truth, we females don't spend a lot of time mentally comparing sex with a past lover to the current. What is most important is how loved our H makes us feel.<BR>Hope this helps...<BR>Kathi


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