Oh Brother!!<P>I don't know how much more of this sh*t I can take.<P>H came this morning for visitiation. D wouldn't go with him and frankly I am tired of trying to convince her.<P>H flew off the handle. Said I am NOT helping the situation- She is not ready when gets there- says I am piting her against him- It is my fault she won't go with him.<P>I blew! I told him until he can take responsiblity for his actions, nothing is going to change. I said you can't expect a 2yo to understand what is happening- phone calls and breif visitations are not going to help her get to know him.<P>He told me I am the cause of the friction and the I only was manipulating him (when I was in Plan A) to get him back into my NASTY CLAWS! Now that I don't want him back, he says that once again I am the vendictive B*tch that he NEVER should have married.<P>We had words about his IRA account. He says that I don't DESERVE his money- that we will go to trial over this!!<P>He also that the he have documention that I am unstable to be a mother!!<P>I hate this man!! I know I shouldn't, but I do!! He is a loser and I want this OVER!<P>Sorry, I am just venting. <P>Thanks for listening<P>Cheryl

I know how you feel. My H said he wasn't paying for any more than the divorce cost. He doesn't owe me anything. <P>More and more I see the new person and NOT the person I married. I truely don't like this 'new' person and as much as I love him, if this is who he is going to be then let OW have him. She 'ain't' got much when he is like this.<P>Hang in there. Be a comfort to your D. This must be hard for her, as it is for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.<P>{{{{{{{{{{cee cee}}}}}}}}}}

CeeCee,<P>What is it about our spouses? They do something that tears thier family's world appart and then they get angry at us when they have to deal with the reprucussions of thier behavior!<P>Hang in thier and visit an attourney about the IRA money and anything else you need to care for your D.<P>Acacia

Cheryl, <P>Whenever my H decides to "drop by", he just thinks that my 18 month daughter is suppose to understand. She does loves daddy, but she does not know him like she could. If he speent more time with her, than focusing on himself then maybe their relationship would be better. She should not have to suffer. <P>He cannot blame you for his negligence. I wish they would be men and a least take salvage their relationship with their child, even if it the marriage does not work!<P>Praying for you..<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ceecee}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>No words of wisdom here.

Ah sweetie!<P>What can I say? You are one of the most beautiful, unselfish, wonderful women I have ever had the privilege to know. Don't let him get you down - YOU and all the rest of us here know the truth!<P>((((Cheryl))))<P>~Sheryl (spelled correctly! )

studentwife-<P>Don't you just want to punch them!! This 'new' person my H is, well, I won't go into it. OW CAN have him. Right now, he is a loser!!<BR>Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. I really need them.<P>acacia-<P>I don't know what is wrong with these spouses. They are so far out in LALA land. I have talked to my atty about his IRA account. She recommended that we don't proceed with the divorce until he can PROVE his money isn't a marital asset.<BR>He screws me out of a husband, my daughter out of a father, and now he thinks he gets to screw me out of martial assets! Go figure!!<P>jamie-lee<P>I know how you feel. Even if he doesn't want to be a H (which is fine w/ me!!) he should be responsible enough to know he still is a father and should do whatever it takes to develop a relationship w/ her. My D loves her daddy, too, but she doesn't know him anymore, and if something doens't change soon, he will lose her forever.<BR>Thanks for your prayers. I can use lots of them.<P>Lor-<P>Thank you for the hug! I wish you could give me a real one. I think we both could use it!<P>Sheryl-<P>You are so sweet. I don't feel like any of those things right now, but thank you.<BR>I do know the truth and I know that the truth will come through in the divorce. If my H wants to blame me for this, he can, but he knows it won't get him anyway.<BR>Thanks for the hugs!<P>Thank you all so much. I am so frustrated right now. I called H after he left and told him to come back over and D would be ready, waiting by the door for him. Do you think he showed up??? No, of course not.<BR>I am seeing a pattern here. Everytime he gets back from spending time w/ OW, he is on the rampage w/ me. He does whatever he can do to try and break my spirit. I have to stop letting him do that. I really do need your prayers you guys. I have a feeling this divorce is going to get REALLY ugly.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl<BR>

Cheryl,<BR>It sounds like guilt to me. Whenever he sees you he remembers everything you had and he has to bury that by being angry and placing the blame on you.<P>My x did the same thing, she would be all angry with me, but when she talked about the om, he was the greatest thing since sliced bread.<P>My x still has limited time alone with the kids as they have arranged their weekends off together which is the time she has the kids. She asked me today if she could take our s to a gun show. Now that's not a thing she is interested in and to my knowledge that's the second one she's been to with om.<P>I guess she'll wonder some day why she doesn't know the kids and they want nothing to do with her.<P>As far as I know, your are entitled to half of everything accumulated during the marriage. If he had the IRA before you were married, then you would nont be entitled. At least thats the way it is here in OH. I have a bunch of stock that I got a long time ago prior to our marriage so she had no claims on it. She was able to claim 50% of my pension and 50% of equity in the house. She took less in both areas. I guess I got off lucky as she didn't take any furniture either.<P>Hang in there, you can make it through.<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

Hi, Sis - back in town and sending you my 2X4. If ever anyone needed it's lesson, he sure does!!!<P>(((((((((((((Cheryl))))))))))))))<P>Love you and talk to you later.<P>Lori

Hang in ceecee,<BR>I agree with sheryl above. You've got a lot going for you and he will rue the day that he did this to you.<BR>Take care you <BR>mkn

Cheryl,<P>Seriously, I've thought of you so very often, and one of the things I thought was this...<P>When I saw your picture, I looked at you and thought, "This woman could be a beauty queen, she is just so beautiful..." add to that your kind and generous heart, and your beautiful child together... and I honestly don't know WHAT your H is thinking! <P>Don't ever think that you are anything less than wonderful!! A lot of us here have our secret RL side that isn't always so nice, and I'm sure you do too... but when I looked into your eyes, all I saw was your sweet spirit. <P>~Sheryl

Ditto what NB said.<P>You are pretty terrific. Don't EVER forget that.<P>TNT

I love you all!!! you have no idea what your words and support mean to me. I have no idea where I would be w/o all of you and w/o God in my life (yes I do, I'd be like my H!)<P>RWD-<P>Isn't it awful to think that our marriages end up in court, deciding who gets what fork??? Good greif.<BR>Yes, I live in a 50/50 state, but the problem with the IRA account, is, my H is claiming the money came from a pre-marital account and he doesn't have the documentation to support it. He says I should just TRUST him on this- that he has NOTHING to hide from me. What a great guy.<BR>I know I will make it. I'm glad you are doing well. I think about you and wonder how things are.<BR>Thanks for your thoughts.<P>Lori-<P>I missed you this weekend!! Glad your back. I'll be home tonight-we'll connect, ok?<BR>I love you too!!<P>Sheryl-<P>Oh geez, you made me cry. Those are the sweetest words I have ever heard (even if I don't believe them). You are so good to me. <BR>I love you!<P>mkn-<P>Good to hear from you! I have been thinking about you, and I need to e-mail you. Thank you for the sweet thoughts.<BR>I will be ok, I am just getting tired of all of this.<P>TnT-<P>What would I do w/o you?? You have been such a pillar of strength. You are so wonderful to me. <BR>Thank you!<P>You are all so very special to me. Each of you has a very special place in my heart.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl<BR>

Hey my friend,<P>chin up......big big BIG hugs for you <P>they all have their heads up their butts.<P>H did exactly the same thing to me, actually told me he felt like I had ripped him off...<P>I can't quite figure that one out, as everything I have furniture wise, he has also. We were lucky enough to have 2 of most things..... I suppose I did get the car (we only had one of those!!!)<P>He also threw in my face this little beauty<BR>"well, you were the one who left me....."<P>yeeesss, I did, BUT why did I leave ?????<P>He simply cannot see that I left because he told me that he didn't know if he loved me or not, and wasn't sure if he wanted to be with Kylie Boil the Rabbit, or me, etc etc etc.... I had 8 weeks of living hell, and very nearly fell completely apart so yes, I did leave him.<P>Need we go on here.......?????<P>I agree with whoever it was that said it is guilt that is making them behave this way. I think, both you and I, need to focus on what they were when WE knew them, and not what they have become. The OW is responsible for that - of course along with themselves.<P>They are behaving so badly because deep down, they know what they are doing to their loved ones. They know they are risking everything, and it hurts them, but they are for some reason powerless to stop. I just don't get that. I will never understand that.<P>However, my friend, please please focus on what he was. You will get some peace of mind when doing that, and also revenge, by knowing that the OW is not getting half the man that you had. You, and I, and everyone else here, had the real thing. These OP get only half the jar !!!!!!!<P>Let him say what he wants, try to ignore him, and deal with him in court, if it gets to that. <BR>I also don't see any way that H & I will reconcile, and I think that divorce is inevitable, but at least there seems to be some sort of friendship now.<P>I let him go, I let OW have him. It seemed the more I backed away, the more he phoned, or asked questions about where I was and who I was with etc etc etc. It was almost as if he didn't want me, but he wanted to make sure that nobody else had me either.<BR>I have no idea what it all means, however, he has broken up with 'rabbit woman'.......<P>I'm sending the biggest hug to you. I'm putting the film in to be developed today - so- photos on their way.<P>I'll email you, to check on you. You are so loved here, and you've become such a dear dear friend to me. I feel for you.<P>love and hugs to you and D<P>Jo

Hey Jo,<P>I love to hear from you. You seem to know just what to say.<P>Thank you, for your understanding and your love and support.<P>I can't wait to get the pictures. I put on my calender to do this week, to send some "down" your way.<P>I am really tired now, but I will e-mail you later.<P>Thanks so much! You keep your chin up too, ok?<P>Love and hugs back to you and those girls.<P>Cheryl

Hey Cheryl girl,<P>I've just had a glass of wine...... or six, and am feeling pretty.......I don't know.....what<P>but,<P>how about the biggest divorce party we have ever heard about.??????<P>One way or another, we should get together, and celebrate this momentous occasion.<P>We could celebrate the good times, the great times, the ****ty times, and the new times.<P>I have learnt so much, found out who my friends are, who my friends aren't, and discovered a whole new world out there. I even feel good about myself most days (today is NOT one of those days !!!!!!) hence the wine......<P>BUT, I know that I will be ok, and so will you. I know this, with everything in me.<P>If they don't want us, there is a knight in shining armour out there, for us, somewhere.<P>There is nothing wrong with us, and we need to keep telling ourselves that. Yes, we may have 'dropped the ball', we may have focussed too much on our children and not enough on our husbands, we didn't have the time to treat them like gods, as they would like, however, we are normal women. Women who have to put their children first, for those first few years. I don't know about you, but when I had d#1, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, revolved around her, From everyone. Both sets of grandparents could only ask about her, we came secondary. It is such a shame that our H's could'nt realise that this behaviour, from us, would not last for ever. It is only the first few years that my children needed all of me, not for ever. I can't believe he couldn't let me be a mother and have those first few years, without being so selfish.<P>Am I rambling here. I feel the wine is kicking in......<BR>I also have Jimmy Barnes (lead singer of Cold Chisel) playing his Soul Deep album - which is great....<P>I almost feel ready to party - big time - however, I feel that if the truth be known, I'd dearly love to curl up in bed with my H and go to sleep........<BR>anyway, looking forward to those photos<P>keep that chin up, love you lots, and big hugs your way<P>Jo<P><BR>