I was wondering if affairs run in some families. My brother cheated on his wife @ 6 years ago & my mother cheated on my dad @ 4 years ago. They are now both divorced. Brother did not make it w/his OW but mother is still w/her OM. I have NEVER had the thought to cheat on my H but @ 16 months ago caught my H in an EA w/a coworker. He has seen the pain, devestation & hurt that was & still is in my family but he still risked our marriage by his stupidy. His mother was also a cheater 30+ years ago. What is everyones opinion on affairs running in families. I thank God everyday I do not have the Cheating Blood in my veins bc I have seen first hand the horribly aftermath..<P>Keeping the Faith,<P>Cassie

I think it is MOST definitely in the blood line. My H cheated on me, his brother has cheated on his W. The only difference is that my H and I are following through with our divorce (not my decision) and his brother went back to his wife (this time). She is a very sweet woman, as am I ( I think), but their parents seem to undermine the women of the family as much a possible, treating us like we are stupid and not good enough when if fact - we are far better than these liars deserve. Just my 2 cents.

Cassie,<BR>I think somehow it's the attitude about cheating that runs in families.<P>My H's father cheated on my MIL ALOT, basically thru their whole marriage. And now my H is having his "fling." I think that side of his family looks on spouses as "things" instead of partners. Plus I don't think they have much of a conscience. <P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Hi Cassie,<P>I believe that an affair does affects tremendously all family members who know about it.<P>The reaction may be imitation my (father/mother/uncle/cousin/etc.) did it and he/she seems to be doing OK so I can do it too because it's safe/exciting/interesting/whatever.<P>The other reaction can be total repulse for affairs because they are painful/unfair/sinful/etc.<P>I don't think that affairs do necessarily run in families as units but rather in larger social nucleus as a whole [i.e.: in traditional areas of Mexico (read macho areas or some segments of society) MALE infidelity is taken for granted (to the point that faithful men are considered [censored], female-dominated or at the very least "mochos"- religious bigots). I had a female friend in my hometown who used to say that "as long as he (her husband) is discreet it's OK with me... men have their needs".<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>

Cassie,<P>I think cheating definitely runs in families!<BR>I know of no one in my immediate that has had an affair, and I would have never considered screwing around on my H. My H's family is a different story. My H's Dad cheated on his Mom on many different occasions. My H always said he hated his father for doing this, but he has done the same thing to me more than once. <P>Also, I think it has to do with the way children are brought up. Everything my H did was accepted because he was their son. For example, I found out that my H was allowed to have porno pictures all over his room at age 15! I'm not just talking about the Playboy type of thing but the nasty stuff. He also traded magazines with his father even earlier. His mother never sad a word. Talk about some sick people! I really believe that this kind of behavior affects kids and gives them the wrong ideas. My kids will NEVER be allowed to hang up that sort of stuff while they live under my roof. I my opinion all we can do is try and teach our own children the morals and values we hold and hope that will outweigh the genes. Take care.<P>Tulip<P>

My xFIL cheated on his wife and they have stayed together.<P>Also I remeber my x telling me when we were first dating that she had been dating a married man for a while but didn't know he was married.<P>I'm not aware of any infidelity on my side, except my sisters first husban cheated on her in their first couple years of marriage and he divorced her, but never married the ow.<P>My sisters second husband had a bunch of x wives and children. They came out of the woodwork when he died unexpectedly.<P><BR>

I agree with what tulip said about acceptance of infidelty being more of a learned attitude than inherited.<P>In some families infidelity is simply accepted and in other families they just turn their heads and prefer not to see what is going on.<P>Then there are the cases where children are brought up to believe everything they do is OK. If you cheat on a test it isn't your fault it is the teachers fault for not teaching you the materials well enough. If you get a ticket for speeding it isn't your fault the officer had a quota to meet and you were his/her victim. If you get fired from your job it isn't your fault, your boss was unfair and didn't like you. If you have an affair it isn't your fault it is your spouses fault for being a rotten H/W, kinda like they *made* you do it. The world is wrong and they are right. They don't have the ability to accept responsibility for any of their actions. They will justify whatever actions they and their family members make. These people make up a whole seperate set (from mankinds) of morals and rules to live by. <P>Another emotional problem people like this can have is called discounting others emotions. They are hurt and it is valid. Other are hurt but that is ignored by them. These people will show little compassion for others pain. This becomes obvious when you tell them how your feelings were hurt in some way and all they can do to respond to you is tell you how *they* were hurt in some other way in some other situation. One of thier kids has an affair because they were hurt so bad by their spouse. The spouse who is betrayed isn't allowed to be hurt. Afterall it's their own fault for being a lousy spouse and there is no way their pain can ever be as great as their kids is. It's like no one knows pain, hurt etc but them. <P>The concepts of discounting others emotions and setting up personal morals and values systems that are out of sinc with the rest of society's are seperate issues. You don't have to suffer from one to suffer from the other. <P>The real unfortunate folks suffer from both conditions. And the REALLY REALLY unfortunate folks (like me) have to deal with entire families that suffer from both.<P>So far I have been very successful in teaching my children that they must value others emotions and that certain values and morals can't be altered from those of society. The last thing I want to see happen is for my children to end up treating others the way their father's family does. My children will NOT carry this sick cycle on in life.<P>Is there an infidelity gene? Maybe. I'm not sure.<P>To look at my H's family you would think so.<P>H carried on affair for over 10 years with families encouragment currently lives with OW with their blessings.<P>H's nephew's affair going on for 3 years living w/ OW and engaged to her while he is still married to mother of his 10 yr old daughter. H's sis threw and engagement party for the *happy couple* on the stbx wifes 30th bday last month.<P>H's niece with 4 kids by 3 different men. Not married to any of them when she became pregnant. Married a third time now to a man a few years older than her eldest child and now pregnant for a 5th time. And one abortion thrown in for good measure. H's sis threw big weddings for each of this girls 3 weddings, and the girl wore white, face vieled the whole nine yards with a bun in the oven each time.<P>H's other niece has a child by a MM. She was encouraged by her mother (H's sister) to get prego by him to get him to leave his W. Well he did leave his W but has had nothing to do with niece or her child.<P>And it's amazing to hear these people talk about how it is everyone elses fault how these things have happened to them. And how no one on this planet has it as rough as they do. <P>Funny how this entire family has few friends out side of realitives isn't it? <P>Fingers Crossed<P>

Hi all<BR>At last !!!! I have very often pondered on this topic. I think that perhpas it does run in families why I don't know, is it genetic i don't know much about that perhaps by examples set??? My husband had and affair his Mom had an affair his sister had an affair his brothers wife had an affair and his other sister had one too ( all are still married to there spouses they forgave and forgot!). On my side my Dad had an affair which ended in divorce, I don't know does that mean I might have one... I have not yet but.... if it is in your genes then I might?? Who knows.<BR>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

This is just my opinion, and I could be wrong, but I think children learn by what they see, and if it's okay mom or dad did it, then it's not that bad of a thing, but children most fo the time don't see the hurt and pain, we tend to hide it, I hope m kids learn the right lesson from all of this, Iam not hiding any of the pain so they see it's not okay, regina