Just had a big argument with W regarding sleeping arrangements. See, last Saturday we went to a farewell party and came back about midnight. We laid on bed next to each other… she was reading & I didn't know what to do, it was a weird feeling, like feeling happy that we were together and not knowing what to do… maybe just lay there watching TV and/or reading like the 12 months before the affair? Wanting to talk and not knowing where to start? Feeling like embracing her & kissing her & making love to her with fear of rejection? And now wanting to be with her and hating it too?<P>So I said I was going out. I did & ran into some friends & ended up coming back at 6 am (something that I've done several times since her affair began); went to sleep & snored like a bear (snoring has been a big issue since a few years back). She was nasty all Sunday long (yesterday) & at night she went to dinner with some lesbian customers and their gay friends (these are real customers). Of course she didn't invite me because "when she knew about the dinner I was asleep and they were going to talk about a condo these other customers wanted". Never mind we are business partners and OP is not, I wasn't invited and OP was (didn't attend). Where did she go after the dinner? To OP's of course, came back at I don't know what time and went to sleep at my daughter's (D had passed out on "our" bed).<P>A while ago after putting D to sleep I was "invited" to sleep in D's bedroom. So, I asked, what's the deal? I can't sleep here (our bedroom) when you are home? She said it was about snoring- that she has been deprived of sleep for 15 years, that I don't get it, that it has nothing to do with anything else is going on in our lives & that for me it's like a big joke, that I don't care even if she begs; I said "don't worry, it'll be over soon!!"; "not soon enough" –she answered-; "so what are you waiting for? I can't sleep either when you are out f*****g somebody else, everything is about your needs, what you want, what you think you need and f**k everyone else…"; ended saying that I've spent too many nights crying, hoping for her to come back, also begging and for what?<P>I went upstairs and slammed the bedroom door, then got into the shower, heard the door closing and I saw her walking away in the garden, didn't attempt to stop her. Didn't even leave a note behind her. I am not crying but I am sad and confused. I feel like phoning OP's but to say what? That I am sorry? Well I am not. This is maybe "it". Not plan A. Not Plan B. It's more like Plan S as in S**T. <P><B>WHAT WOULD YOU DO?????</B> I decided one week ago that I would work on me rather than the relationship, but this is really not the way I want things to end!<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B><p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited February 21, 2000).]

Alex,<P>Don't do anything right now. You are not in any mental state to make decisions that will more than likely change your life.<P>Bite your tongue.<P>Sleep on it. <P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

Never mind... she came back before 6 am <P>Don't know what's next. I just want her to leave <P>Time will tell... God will tell <P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>

Alex,<BR>Why are you not in PLan B? I can assure you that it was the Plan B attitude and LB's that woke me the hell up this weekend with my H. It was the best thing that he could've done. I had to make a decision- and boy did I make it fast!!! How old is your daughter? Is she aware of what is going on? Maybe it's time to tell her that you have had it and it's time for a new arrangement.<P>If your wife has decided that she is in fact a lesbian- putting your foot down and Plan B'ing may finally put an end to your daily struggle. Wouldn't you rather know the truth and start working on a future than be stuck like you are now? She is being really unfair to you. Stick up for yourself- I guess I took my H for granted and just assumed he'd always be there for me- and guess what? He won't always be there for me and I saw my life pass in front of my eyes and realized that I would be f------ devastated if I didn't have him. And then I woke up.

Tim,<P>Thanx. I slept over it and although I still feel like s**t it was better that I didn't make that call.<P>sppoknook,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR><B>Why are you not in PLan B?........ How old is your daughter? Is she aware of what is going on? Maybe it's time to tell her that you have had it and it's time for a new arrangement.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>The excuses? Because of my daughter I cannot really go into Plan B- I spend lot of time with her and W & I were always hugging and kissing. It is already difficult for my D to see us apart. She turned 8 on the 11th. Yes, it is about time we tell her what is going on, that’s the main reason we are starting counseling- to learn how to tell our D (and also W’s mother- she is afraid of telling her).<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR><B>..... Plan B'ing may finally put an end to your daily struggle. Wouldn't you rather know the truth and start working on a future than be stuck like you are now? She is being really unfair to you. Stick up for yourself- I guess I took my H for granted... won't always be there... saw my life pass in front of my eyes and realized that I would be f------ devastated if I didn't have him. And then I woke up.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Have to plan an alternate Plan B- we are still business partners and basically know the same people. I am planning to change my working schedule so we won't coincide at the office, limit conversations to a monthly business meeting and indispensable answers for decisions, both regarding D & business. As we stand today, we still act to each other and in public as if things were “normal”.<P>I don’t want to leave the house- she should do it: she’s the one walking out of the marriage plus I don’t want my D to spend time with those truck driver-looking lesbians of her (do you think she chose female looking W? Forget it!!)<P>Finally, as a smoker I can tell you that I never lit butts- call it whatever you want (Plan B, X, Y or Z). When I say it’s over it is really over- no return & no looking back; this has also made stop. In conclusion: <B>I have not the slightest idea of what I am going to do to get out of the hole!!!!</B><P>Alex<p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited February 22, 2000).]

ThisAlex,<P>I vote to hang in there. It seems to me from what you have said that your W is very conflicted by all of this and she really hasn't made up her mind. The OW and the exOW indicate to me that she is still in a fantasy. <P>I would definitely not leave the house. I guess that in Mex. you would gain custudy of your D in this situation. So be as cool as you can, and hang in. This story seems to have a few more chapters to be written before the end.<P>God Bless You and Your Family<P>JL